Unfortunately, no one saw the sinister looking figure who stole everyone's wallets anyway.

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . Eru intervened and corrected all this mishap. We're all back to the Ainulindalë.

Unfortunately, Eru didn't have that power anymore, as he was arrested and being tried for Corporate Malfeasance. Morgoth took over Eru's job.

Fortunately. morgoth allowed teh stealing of wallets by a mysterious, cloaked figure, reportedly seen wearing suspicious yellow boots.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be Eru who was the one stealing the wallets.

Fortunately, he was really only borrowing them and gave them all back.

Unfortunately . . . . .
The wallets were made out of squirrel skins and lined with cheese. Upon seeing this, Eru - who we know is lactose intolerant - dropped the wallets in which were imprisoned the Army of the Dead. Now these guys, with dark sunglasses and bad attitudes, were on the loose!!!

Fortunately, The Witch-King and the other Nazgul had cooler shades and even worse attitudes. The Army of the Dead(along with their king) were locked up in the Houses of Lamentation within the hour.

Unfortunately, the one with the coolest shade and badest attitude was the Mûmakil of Doom, who appeard after having spendt ages hiding in dark places that I will not mention and all of The Nazgul was locked up in the Houses of Lamentation.

Fortunately, the bad grammar in the above post somehow killed the Mumak of Doom before he ever existed.

Unfortunately, the good grammar in the above post, offset the bad grammar in the post before, so the Mumak of Doom wasn't killed after all.

Fortunately, it did cause his wicked sweet shades to shatter. this left a void in authority, cauzing anarchy to spread wildly throughout middle-earth.

Unfortunately, this anarchy was only temporary and order was soon restored by am army of giant pink rabbits. (Unfortunate because the rabbits were very evil.)

Fortunately, the Knights from Monty Python came and saved the day!! After one of them got his head bit off of course. :p

Unfortunately while the Python-Knights were busy with this, some swallows made off with the Red Book of Westmarch. We are still trying to determine if the flock was African or European.

Fortunately . . . .
They were African Swallows - which we all know are non-migratory.

unfortunately the whole world was turned monty-pythonesuqe, and everything migrated, including coconuts

Fortunately, Eru made the world normal again with this story he wrote while he was drunk.

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the Lamest*Seat Filler of old Gondor, nor the most savage Werewolf entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set Broken Hobo\'s Knife to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing Heart beneath her and Climbed backwards in a convulsive leap.
Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's Tounge, his senses reeling in the Ten stench, his 1.000000000000000000001*Liver still gripping the Cap of the Bottle. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's Nose and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to Gayly himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her Tail drabbling a spittle of venom, and a Gray*Dish-Washing Liquid trickling from below her wounded Lip. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to Painted and Laughed to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to Cryed and to Ran.
Even as Sam himself Drove, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his Backpack with his left hand, and found what he sought: Nine and Firey and Wet it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the Nail Paint of Sauron.
'Sauron! ' he said faintly, and he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the Vampires as they Jumped under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Valinor, and the music of Vampires as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Ganondorf.


.........Keep in mind that Eru was drunk.

Unfortunately Eru threw-up over what he just wrote and it could never be read again so they recycled it into The Phantoms new Piano

Fortunately Tolkien started from scratch again.

Unfortunately, someone stole his pen and made off with the cup of good tea...

~ Ka

Fortunately, the cup of good tea had poison in it.

Unfortunately he spilled it all over The Phantom's Piano...

Fortunately . , . , .

This elixir transformed the Piano into Bagpipes made from the appendages of Shelob, Werewolf bladder, Swallow tongues & proper grammar.

Unfortunately, this meant the piano had a life of it's own and since it had all evil parts in it, it was evil and started attacking people.

Fortunately it was squashed by the Giant Evil Flyswatter of death.

Unfortunately . ^ . * . & . @

Each individual piece respawned into an even more evil piano which only plays "The Entertainer" over and over and over ....

Fortunatly the pianos enoyed themselves and killed eachother.

Unfortunately, Gandalf arrived... with a cloak... but not for long.

Fortunately, the pianos started attacking gandalf, when he started to...well...uncloak...

Unfortunately the pianos were ruthless and, seeing... (naha) as they don't have eyes were not effected: Gandalf's robes were completely destroyed.

Fortunately . . .

The black and white keys learned to co-exist in social harmony.

Unfortunately, other instruments *coughSAXANDCLARINETcough* came along and took the place of the piano. Everyone was getting sick and tired of it anyway.

Fortunately, to make it simple, a grand war began between the insturments, and the Piano's won

Unfortunately, the pianos went on to try and destroy the world.

Fortunately, in their attempt, there was at least some very lovely concertos composed.

Unfortunately the instrument war of the parallel world mixed with the Battle of Pelennor Fields in the Middle-earth world and caused both worlds to destroy itself (aka...blow up).

Fortunately, in the destruction of both worlds, a new world was created that was exactly like Middle Earth. And Gimli was still looking for something to eat.

Unfortunatley, Tulkas put him in a headlock.

Fortunately an orc had just cut Gimli's head off, so he was no longer in a headlock.