Fortunately, Johnny the Stinky Balrog swooped down (that's right, he's got wings) and swept Tom away.

Fortunately, hobbits share odd British-humor, and found the song delightful. They even did a little dance.

Unfortunately, Johnny the Stinky Balrog found out that he had wings but couldn't use them to fly since they were made of nothing but shadow, so he fell to the ground, crushing both himself and Tom.

Fortunately, Tom Bombadil was allright, since:
And Goldberry and Tom had a delicious dinner of stinky balog.

Unfortunately, while Tom finished off his balog, the Balrog was still at large.

Fortunately, Tom got indegestion from eating Johnny the Stinky Balrog.

Fortunately, with a large chunk of it missing, the balrog bled to death.

Unfortunately, as history proves, Johnny can never die because he is so loveable, but not as loveable as his chum Gil-Galad

Fortunately Johnny the Stinky Balrog's chum Gil-Galad was nearby and gave Tom and Goldberry toothbrushes and a stern talking to for eatting such loveable and frightening creatures.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . Sauron came and laid the smackdown on Gil-Galad, End of the Second Age-style. :cool:

Sorry, Nilp...
 

Fortunately, as you may know from the wishing thread, 'The smack down' is a form of toasted cheese. The only effect it had was that Gil-Galad had some 2nd age cheese in his hair. The smell was the worst thing.
:p

Unfortunately (for Gil-Galad), the cheese attracted thousands of stinging insects from miles around.

Fortunately he had purchased some Osgiliath Off: the very popular and effective pest spray.

Unfortunately, it was meant for Balrogs only and Gil inflated into a large balloon.

Fortunately, the insects went to Sauron instead. He ran with all speed to Mount Doom, but not fast enough. :D

Fortunately, the mountain drove up to him, meeting him before the insects could get to him.

Unfortunately, for Sauron, the Mountain didn't stop when it met him; it ran over him, along with everything else in its path.

Fortunately it was Sauron and there was much rejoicing
































...yay

Unfortunately, Gimli was driving Mount Doom, and even though there was rejoicing for Sauron's death Aragorn was forced to charge Gimli with 60,000 counts of Vehicular homicide and failure to control a dangerous automobile.

Fortunately Sauron was still dead

Unfortunately Gimli was facing the death penalty...and Sauron started to take shape again...

Fortunately, as it was Sauron, Gimli was let off the hook, and Gimli left the handbrake off in the Mountain and Sauron was run over again.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . Sauron learned to dodge this time.

( :p to Hookbill)

Fortunately, some of the cheese 'Smack down' was on the floor and Sauron got his foot trapped in it!

Unfortunately, Mount Zoom broke down.

Fortunately, it still got pretty good speed in neutral if you were pointed downhill.

Unfortunately, Mount Zoom's speed kept it going
until it jammed into the main entrance to the
Lonely Mountain, presenting Smaug,
back from his success in The Hobbit Survivor,
with a quandary.

Fortunately, Smaug had the brilliant idea to use the cracks of doom to open a world famous spa! Hot pools for the warm-blooded, and lava swimming pools for the very very very cold blooded. (Mostly Smaug just worked on his lava-tan.)

Unfortunately smaug was sued for 5 billion dollars in his riches, because too many people were rather...burnt to a crisp from his Mount Doom Spa resort.

Fortunately, Smaug was a master speaker and he convinced everyone that it was all Gandalf's fault.

Unfortunately so was Gandalf, but Gandy was confuing so they ended up blaming hte Mutant Dog

Fortunately . . .
 

(DUN DUN DUN!!!)

. . . the Mutant Dog vanished in a puff of canonicity.

Unfortunately, the smoke left by the puff of canonicity polluted the water.

Fortunately, the only water pollluted was
The Watcher's pool, which he found quite
refreshing after regenerating some
arms those nine intruders had
thoughtlessly attacked when he
was trying to shake their hands.

Unfortunately, the Watcher's polluted pool water turned out to be toxic waste and he regenerated arms where they shouldn't be and grew an extra head, also where that shouldn't be. :eek: :)

Fortunately, he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror and flew out of the pool, set himself on fire and leaped off a cliff.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . Denethor sued him for copyright infringement.

Fortunately Billy Flynn, the famous Chicago lawyer
who successfully got Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart
off on murder charges, brilliantly defended The
Watcher. :cool:

Unfortunately, for the lawyers, the masses knew the cold truth behind the smooth lies. They gathered pitchforks, culbs, and torches, and beat The Watcher to within an inch of his life.

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . the Watcher swam away.