Q: Who was Farmer Giles of Ham?

A: The King, of course.

Q. Why did Sauron only have one eye?

A: He used to run with scissors.

Q: Do wizards ever jig?

While waiting for Anna to come. *cough*
 

A: No, but they can breakdance pretty well.

Q: If Melkor, Tar-Eléndil, and Gollum met in a room, what would probably happen?

A - Little known fact: They are all the same person. If they met in a room at the same time it would cause a Time Space paradox and probably destroy the universe.

Q - What laws are in place to stop the war of the ring happening again?

A: That is a very interesting question. This issue was dealt with by the Gondorian Parlament on year 5 Fourth Age and presided by the honouralbe Faramir. They were mired by a legal-terminology issue. They wanted to prevent another war of the ring, but they did not want to stop wars, as Gondor was erm... let just say they were 'expanding'.

Finally, King Eleassar suggested that they made a law against Rings of Power, thus solving two problems in one. Sadly, that is what caused Galadriel, Elrond and Gandalf to have to leave Middle Earth. Missing Valinor? no way, they were persecuted by mindless Gondorian rabble.

Q: Howcome Cirdan could grow a beard?

A - He took evening classes in Beard growing.

Q - Was The Barrow Wight trying to kill the Hobbits, or was he just the worlds worse pick pocket?

A: Actually, he was going to transplant their brains into his pet gorillas.

Q: Did Captain Kirk ever visit Middle-earth?

Post #300!!!!!!
 

Of course! He is the guy in the Sauron suit.

Why in the heck does Sauron like rings?

A: He's fascinated by their circular shape...

Q: Who exactly is the Mouth of Sauron?

A=Why Sauron's dentist of course. ;)

Q=Why do all the men have long hair?

A - Because the hairdressers charge ridiculous prices. Namely, Five gold coins per hair strand.

Q - Why did Denethor really hate Gandalf?

A: Because Denethor placed Gandalf in charge of entertainment for his 12th birthday party Bonanaza...and it wasn't as good as the party Gandalf threw for Aragorn.

Why did Saruman get involved in a drug cartel?

A: He had to, for he was Don Saruman!!

Q: Who taught the Ents to speak?

The elves, who now regret it because they haven't shut-up since!!

Why was Cahadras so mean?

A: Caradhras means "Red horn".

Caradhras is also a mean mountain as it is situated in the middle of the Misty Mountains and if you make some calculations, you will find that it's actually of mean height if you compare it with all other mountains in Middle Earth!

Q: What was the first words of the first orc?

A - "Blimey!"

Q - What on Middle Earth was Tom Bombadil singing about?

A: His true identity, Meriadoc Brandybuck, AKA Merry.

Q: What species of spider was Ungoliant?

A: A relation to the spider that turned Peter Parker into Spider Man.

Q: If Elves were immortal, why were they so reclusive?

A: They secretly have low self esteems and think themselves to be ugly. So they do not like to be seen out in the open.


Q: What do you think the Istari wear under their robes?

A: Princess Leia style metal bikinis, of course.

Q: Where are the Ent wives anyway?

A: In the woods of England cleverly disguised as trees.

Q: What is the meaning of haste?

A: To act like you are doing something quickly; while really doing nothing at all.

Q: Why did Rosie and Sam have so many kids?

A - They were plotting an uprising and needed disposable troops. Incidentally, they got the idea from Sauron, always breeding hundreds of Orcs who, because they die rather quickly, needed to be in ridiculously high numbers. Unfortunately, for Sam, his plans never reached their full and he eventually gave up because he ran out of names. You don't know about the nine other children he had who were called, "Hobbit lad 14", "Hobbit lass 25", "Hobbit Lad 16", "Hobbit lass 34" and so on.

Q - What was Saruman's reaction to the Ent attack?

uh oh.....retreat to the tower!

Why are hobbits good at throwing parties?

Because they have enough food, drinks and pipeweed for everyone

Would Tom Bombadil ever fall in love with the Barrow-wight ?

Why are hobbits good at throwing parties?

They've had lots of practice, since they have a birthday party for the day of the week, rather than the year. This also explains their "long lifespans".)

cross posted
Would Tom Bombadil ever fall in love with the Barrow-wight ?
Actually, he was already in love with her. The lady who had worn the jewel he took from the barrow became the Barrow Wight.

Why did it take Sauron so long to get the Nine new "horses"?

Because the Rohirrim weren't making any discounts until 3019 and he didn't want to pay more.

Why doesn't Saruman ever get a girlfriend ?

Because girls laughed at him wearing tighty-whiteys.

It also explains why he changed from "Saruman the White" to "Saruman the multicolour"

Why didn't Sauron even have a girlfriend?

Because all the female Miar he saw had Gandalf posters in their bedrooms. Needless to say, it was off putting. Besides which, no elf, human, Dwarf or hobbit would stay in his presence for more than 14 seconds. And Sauron refused to take an Orc wife. Mainly because he didn't know which ones were male and which ones were female.

Q - Why was Saruman's symbol the White hand?

A - Because he didn't get very much sun, and he knew all symbols for villains have to be body parts.

Q - Why didn't Saruman ever learn to tapdance?

Because the floor of Orthanc made too much noise and Grima might have heard the noise and laughed at him

The Might
 

Ehhm, would you have a question to follow your answer? :D

Sorry I totally forgot...

Anyway, since we have to ask stupid question, I thought of making a mix of the two greatest questions in the ME universe:

Did Tom Bombadil have wings ?

A: No, but Fatty Lumpkin did.

Q: Why did Celebrían really leave Middle-earth?

A - He'd left the iron on.

Q - If Melkor liked the dark so much, why did he steal the Silmarills?

Because he needed them to complete his Silmarilli pie recipe he had gotten from Thuringwethil

Do Gondorian women find the Woses attractive ?

A - Only when they've had a very bad day.

Q - What is Gimli's favorite movie?

The Moria Chainsaw Massacre

Why didn't Elrond go to battle during the War of the Ring ?

A: Actually he did, you can even see him riding a Winged Beast in the movie. And it was in fact Elrond who had the real One Ring with him. Do you really think that Elrond could trust Frodo enough to deal with such a mission, while he, Agent 700, was alive and well?

Q: How did Agent 700 succeed in his mission?

He didn't really need the winged beast to succeed, I saw him in another movie, he could fly...
So he flew to Barad-dur with the Ring, went to Sauron and told him...
It was inevitable, Mister Gorthaur. You will now return to the Source. So as Gollum fell to his Doom with the fake Ring, Elrond threw the other one in as well...and BOOM !!!

How long would Rosie Cotton survive in the wild alone ?