Fortunately only the One Ring was programmed
to say "You've got Ring!" when it's box was opened.

Unfortunately, it accidently said "Too the Onion Rings!" due to false programming

Fortunately, all the evil things now thought it was lunchtime and decided to go on a search for onion rings...

Unfortunately, all the evil things ate all the onion rings in Middle Earth.

Fortunately, they didn't find the Ring.

Fortunately, there was one onion ring that was kept safe by the elves and shipped to Valinor with much haste.

Unfortunately, the two "Fortunately"s that were cross-posted reacted rather violently and caused a rift to form in the time-space continuum.

Fortunately, the rift in the time-space continuum was
obviated (in some way I'm not quite sure how)
when Sauron and Saruman became absorbed
in a "Toss the Ring through the onion ring" game.

Unfortunately, Sauron died when he took off the ring and Saruman took the ring.

Fortunately Radagast grabbed the Ring from
Saruman in a Five Wizard Face-down which
Eru insisted had to be held to determine
ownership of the Ring by one wizard.

Unfortunately, Radagast used the power of the Ring to create an army of giant evil cabbages with which to conquer Middle-Earth.

Fortunately Alatar and Pallando were vegetarians and they ate all the evil cabbages.

Unfortunately they went insane.

Fortunately, Lobelia was so angry that they had eaten the cabbages she had intended for coleslaw, she strangled them with her bare hands.

Unfortunately, they turned her into a lizard.

Fortunately, everyone liked Lobelia a lot more as a lizard than as a hobbit.

Unfortunately that wasn't enough to change anything.

Fortunately, Ragadast discovered that the power of the One Ring was rather limited and pretty much boring and, with that discovery, he sold it off on Ebay.

Unfortunately, Sauron managed to outbid everyone else for the Ring and got it.

Fortunately, Sauron only bidded for a picture of the One Ring

Unfortunately, Ragadast took Sauron's monopoly money.

Fortunately Radagast gave all of Sauron's money to the PETA organization

Unfortunately, greedy Sauron had Radagast hunted down by Orcs with HUGE noses and talking boots.

Fortunately the Orc hunting party noses were so HUGE they couldn't hold their heads up and they all fell down...uh nose first.

Unfortunately, a skilled plastic surgeon from Gondor
was passing by and (in return for the Ring) gave all
the orcs nose jobs.

Fortunately, this kept the Ring away from Sauron.

Unfortunately, the Gondorian plastic surgeon was really a secret agent of Sauron's.

Fortunately all the Orcs that received nose jobs were unhappy so they sued their plastic surgeon and to pay for the expenses he was forced to give the Ring to them, who then had to give the Ring to Elrond to pay for their Attorney expenses.'

Unfortunately, Elrond threw the ring into the ocean, where it landed on Godzilla's head and woke him up.

Fortunately Godzilla's fire-breath was hotter then mt.doom and he torched the ring when he got out of the water and Sauron, who looked in disamay, was then turned into a chicken.


nana nana na-na Sauron is a chicken

Unfortunately, he was turned into a 100-foot tall killer chicken of doom with laser eyes!

Fortunately, Godzilla pwned him and went on a rampage.

Unfortunately, Mothra picked up Godzilla and dropped him
into Orodruin. :eek:

Fortunately Mothra was Radagast the brown Mothra who had to go and rescue Gandalf off Orthanc.

Unfortunately, Radagast the brown Mothra was distracted from this
noble task when PJ signed him up to do a remake of a
Godzilla/Mothra movie.

Fortunately, the remake was soon scrubbed.

Unfortunately Gandalf was still ontop of Orthanc needing rescuing :rolleyes:

Fortunately, the scrubbing of the remake freed up quite a lot of Radagast the brown Mothra's time.

Unfortunately Radagast the Mothra got confused and mistook Barad-dur for Orthanc. :eek:

Fortunately, none of this mattered to Gandalf, who had been living happily on top of Orthanc for over a year, and would have regarded the rescue as more of an intrusion anyway.