Your wish is granted. The Anduin is a river of thick melted hot fudge sauce. The Fellowship's boats become trapped in the chocolate when they leave Lorien. They then try to eat the river only to fall in and drown, thus meeting a death by Chocolate. The Quest fails and Sauron wins.

I wish Barad-dur was a fuzzy pink skwerl.

Granted. It kills everyone and destroys Middle-Earth.

I wish we knew more about Rhovanion.

Your wish is granted, we now know so much about Rhovanion that we can't escape it and it's history. Eventually the entire population of the world goes mad and drowns themselves in the ocean.

I wish gollum was a pirate-platypus.

Alakazam!!! Your wish has been fufilled. Gollum the platypus-pirate was the nasstiest pirate that sailed the seven seas. Unfourtunately, no one understood him and he eventually got nominated as the nicest pirate to sail the seven seas, and he didn't like it. So he killed everyone.

I wish The Perky Ent was a real Ent

Your wish is granted. Saruman's orcs come and chop him down.

I wish there were Hobbits living today.

Poof! Hobbits are now living in our time. But there's not much use for huge populations of Hobbits so they're sold to the Keebler company and forced to make cookies night and day.

I wish the Hobbits would invade Bree.

Your wish is granted. The Invasion of Bree sparks a war between men and the halflings, and ending in the eradication of the latter. The Shire is replaced by a giant concrete war monument, attracting thousands of tourists per year. The parking lot is expanded to cover all of Eriador, destroying Rivendell and the Grey Havens in the process.

I wish the name "Urwen" didn't sound so much like "Irwin".

Granted. Now it is pronounced so strangely that only Tom Bombadil and Eru Iluvatar can say it correctly.

I wish we knew what the Oathbreakers were called before they broke their oath.

Posted by The 1,000 Reader:
Granted. Now we do...and we wish we didn't! :eek:

I wish I had a barrel of Longbottom leaf.

Pop! There is now a barrel in your lap. But your hands are tied behind your back by a length of rope. You cannot open it and go mad trying before you smash it open with your head and then realise you have no pipe.

I wish that elves lived in the woods behind my house.

Granted. Your house is now in the middle of nowhere.

I wish people would stop debating over Balrog wings.

Granted. People no longer debate over Balrog wings, but the post by 1000 reader made the combatants forget exactly what they were fighting for, and they train their armpower instead on 1000 reader, who disintegrates into dust.

I wish people in this thread wouldn't keep granting wishes with 'so and so Sauron takes over the world' or some such.

Your wish is granted. Saruman takes over the world because of the absense of Sauron, who is in Mordor living as a hippy.

I wish Celeborn was a block of cheese.

Woosh! Look at that! He's a block of cheese. But you eat him. And you are allergic to cheese and so swell up to the size of Ireland and then burst.

I wish that the Elves could have fought at the Black Gate.

No offense Eorl, but that was a rather poor response. Their debating, not killing themselves with guns. Besides, I ducked.;)

On topic, your wish is granted. Unfortunately, Elrond is slain by the falling Morrannon and his children hold a series of wars against each other for the ownership of Rivendell.

I wish the shriek of a Nazgul would make Legolas run away screaming like a little girl.

Your wish is granted. After hearing the Nazgul shriek Legolas throws his arms up in the air and screams like a girl. As he's running away he runs face first into a tree. And there was much rejoicing.

I wish Celeborn would talk faster.

Gandalf removes his hat (among other things), and pulls from it, a pile of stones. Then he says "Thine wish is granted" and throws the stones away as they were irrelevant.
He talks faster. Much faster. So fast, that as he talks to the fellowship, his jaw sets on fire and he burns down Lorien.

I wish Frodo had sold Bag-End to the Gaffer.

Off Topic: I apologize, The 1000 Reader, if the remark seemed in bad taste to you. Now that I think of it, it might have been - sorry again.

Your wish is granted! Frodo sold the Bag-End to the Gaffer, who paid for it with bushels after bushels of potatos (having nothing else as a form of payment) and the overflowing stench of rotting potatos poison Frodo, and he dies of a potato-gas leak.

I wish my wish is not granted.

Poof! Your wish is granted and...not granted, which makes it granted, and not granted... And the paradox rips the universe in pieces, imploding in nothingness :eek: The only thing remaining is Eorl of Rohan, laughing at nothing :)

I wish Gandalf was a tax-collector

Your wish is Richard. E. Granted. Gandalf is a tax-collector. But he is so trusting and kind hearted that he lets people off payments until he goes bankrupt.

I wish that Farmer Maggot had given the Hobbits a limitless supply of Mushrooms.

Your wish is, er, yeah, like, sooo granted. Look! It's Tim Benzedrine riding a magenta giraffe! Hey, these shrooms are wack, man...

I wish a film company would give me a limitless budget to direct four live-action blockbuster Silmarillion films...

Your wish is granted. but the films are so long that people die of old age while watching it.

I wish that Old Toby was available at the corner shop!

Your wish is my command, sir! Farmer Maggot decides to give the hobbits a limitless supply of Mushrooms, but to supply it his mushroom fields needed to be also limitless, so, to grant your wishes, he goes and buys up the whole of middle earth - including the Valinor(the special mushrooms that have seen the light of the trees, now given for free!), the sunken land of Numenor (trying to grow a specimen of underwater mushrooms), and in fact everything else. Therefore, he is now the legal owner of whole middle earth, putting out of business the king of Gondor, as well as Rohan, Sauron, and the Barrow-wights (He smoked us out from our den of black and green, and sold us into slavery where we were forced to grow agaric mushrooms day and night.)

I wish I had a wad of longbottom leaf every time someone makes a wish.

Apparently I write so slow that two posts overtook me. Or maybe I think slow. :rolleyes:

Your wish is granted. All your long bottom leaf is in your house. Unfortunatly, you have locked yourself out of the house and cannto get in.

I wish that Hobbits had HUGE hands.

ZZZAAAPPP!!! All hobbits ever lived have/ had huge hands. Unfortunely, that means none of them could ever had worn the ring. The ring was left with Gollum in his cave and after centuries of practise he learned to control its powers and became new SRDC (Supreme Ruling Disgusting Creature) and still rules the world in secret.

I've always known somethings wrong in the world...

I wish the Barrow-Wight got the ring

Your wish is granted. B-W saw Bilbo on his way to The Lonely Mountain and he killed Bilbo and took the Ring. He usurped Sauron from the throne and became the ruler of Middle-Earth where all his fellow Downer's had a city or village they owned. However, the subjects of those villages soon grew tired of endless disscussions about Warg and Warg-Riders, making up Crazy Captions for pictures of the Fellowship and endless debates on who/what/where Tom Bombadil came from/is and whether or not Balrog's had wings. They then rebbeled and usruped B-W from his throne and peace was restored in Middle-Earth, but the Downer's still lived there in peace and harmony.

I wish I could meet Daeron and learn to write good poetry. (singing after all is technically a form of poetry)

Your wish is fulfilled! However, Daeron taught you only 'good' poetry, having mistaken your intent (ex. ethical), and you spend the rest of your life writing rhymes for Catholic church choir until you die of ink poisoning. That comes of using abstract terms - the worst thing possible in writing poetry!

I wish Boromir killed Aragorn and became king in his own right.

Granted. Boromir then returns to Gondor, sends out scouting parties for the ring, finds it, and charges alone into Mordor, thinking himself to hold the power of a god. He dies, and Middle-Earth falls into darkness again.

I wish all those killed by a falling rock could have met a more honorable death.

Your wish is not granted. Sorry, but the way they die is not under Gandalf's control.

I wish that Tree Beard would visit Bag End one day.

Granted. Unfortunately, Treebeard is too large to fit in Bag End so he has no choice but to tear the roof off.

I wish all those killed by a falling rock were given a more honorable death.

Granted. All those people that went around and killed people, by the urging of a falling rock, were given a more honorable death than their victims.

I wish people would remember to quote the wish one is granting and to make one's own wish bold!

Your wish is granted. It causes too much of a hassle however, and this thread is closed when it reaches the eighth page.



I wish Butterbur wasn't so dim-witted.

Butterbur is now not so dim-witted - he is clever, so amazingly clever, in fact, that he goes and devises a way to send Gandalf's letter actually BEFORE he wrote it - therefore Frodo and his gang reach Imradris when Boromir was not yet there, (he arrived just the day before the hobbits did, Elrond said in the book), and Gandalf was still imprisoned by Saruman, and then the Fellowship is never made - so and so Sauron does not take over the world, here note the word 'not', because Tolkien never writes bad endings. Bad for the moral, see?

I wish Hookbill was active in the roleplay section as well. (hey, I like it there!)

Your wish is granted. He is so active in the RPG section, that he crowds all games with his posts and everyone has problems with figuring out what characters other than Hookbill's have done or said, that RPG mods decide to banish him from the RPG sections. This causes Hookbill to be very depressed and at the end he kills himself by trying to send anthrax-powder to the RPG mods.

I wish that Arwen had fallen in love with Legolas instead of Aragorn.

Abra Kadabra!!! Your wish is granted. As soon as she laid eyes on Legolas, she forgot all about her love for Aragorn and became so deeply immersed in her woe because everyone knew tha Legolas didn't swing that way ( :p :rolleyes: ) that she ended up dieing.

I wish that Fëanor and his sons weren't so bigheaded.

And your wish is granted. But The Silmarillion wouldn't be very interesting without them forever fighting for the jewels, so it ends up as a reeaaaally boring book about the elven life in Valinor, big brother style. 9875 years of intrigues in a bookseries of 342 books. And of course nobody reads them...

I wish the Ring was made of Winegum

your wish is granted, The Ring was much sought as being the one winegum to rule them all, but as the years go older, the Winegum got stale and harder, so everyone forgot about it and bought Reese Peanut Butter Cups and there was no story left to make LOTR's trilogy


I wish that all the weapons were switched around (Legolas gets Axe, Aragorn gets bow etc.)

With a ping and a gong the wish was granted! However, Frodo now gets the saucepans and The Saucepan man chases him as he had stolen one of his favourites. Frodo then falls of the edge of a cliff and the ring is taken by The Barrow Wight! :eek: draw your own conclusions.

I wish that there were jelly babies in Middle Earth!

Your wish is granted. But they work for Sauron and killed Eowyn and Merry at the Battle of Pellenor Fields before they had a chance to kill the Witch-King.