Out of Context Contest
 

Greetings all you people of the Downs!

Here is a game I thought of a few minuets ago. It is quite simple and lovely.
It's all about taking a sentence out of context and expanding upon it. Basically, Post a sentence from anywhere in Tolkien literature that (preferably) sounds amusing when taken out of context and the next person can start a paragraph with that sentence taking it in whatever direction they wish, then adding a sentence of their own for the next player and so on.

For Example:

One Player Writes...

Another:

"He'll eat us all, if He gets it, eat all the world." said Frodo as Sam reached for another slice of cake. He could not let that happen, so he snatched the cake away and ate it himself. "It's for your own good!" he said, but Sam frowned and kicked at the table sulking. Gandalf's giant cake had not satisfied him; perhaps it was because Frodo had eaten all of it.

And the next person starts with that sentence anew.

So, you may begin with:

'Are there piles of Jewels and Gold lying around here still' said Sam peering into the black hole of The Brinks Mat Wharehouse.

Quote: The Siege of Gondor.
Why? Why do the fools fly? said Denethor

"Why? Why do the fools fly?" said Denethor as he peered up in the sky at the Tooks from the shire who had aquired special flying abilities from a drunken Gandalf one thursday night. The fact that they rained down eggs on him only deepened his malace!

...Gandalf said. "Yes," Pippin replied, holding his head down in embarrasment. "I'm the lembas thief."

"Let's get this over with," said Aragorn before his coronation, "so I can get back to my Nintendo".

"these Riders do not love it, and fear..."

"These Riders do not love it, and fear the horses they ride." Aragorn explained as the Witch King ran around in circles screaming and flapping his arms, "So when a rider is near they'll mostly be screaming in terror."

"I'm nearly dead of it," said Bilbo

"I'm nearly dead of it," said Bilbo
"I don't care how much Smaug taunts you, get back in there and BURGLE something!" Thorin retorted.

"My friends are caught in the...

"My friends are caught in the boiling Soup of Doom", said Bill Ferny after his fifth apple juice pint. Sauron looked at him with the corner of his eye and burst into maniacal laughter, "You wish, actually it's not YOUR friends that are caught, it's Eowyn and Kíli, sons of Peregrin the Usurper!" "Who want more weed?" asked the innkeeper Elu Thingol.

"Do you wish for the House...

"Do you wish for the House to grow legs and walk away?" said Gandalf with a tone of annoyance, "then give me my staff back and stop acting like a tom-fool of a Took!" Yet Merry continued to dance and wave the staff around until Gandalf stopped calling him a Took.

"What burden do you bear, Men of Rohan," he cried...

"What burden do you bear, Men of Rohan," he cried...so they unwrapped it and showed him: a giant animatronic Pokemon called "jigglypuff". "We are taking him to Theoden to have justice done for this sacriledge!" they explained, pointing at the magic marker moustaches on their faces.

"...to the Elven-smiths they were but trifles-yet still..."

To the Elven-smiths they were but trifles yet still even Celebrimbor loved a game of ping pong with his mates when they took a break from Ring-forging and such.



"Why did it come to me?"

"Why did it come to me?" asked Gandalf as the enormous olyphant licked him and regarded him with contentment. The Wizard whacked his staff against the brute, but it merely hummed and seemed happier. "Perhaps you could shoot it in the eye, master elf?" he asked as Legolas peered into a looking glass and refused to comment.

"Where are the horse and the rider?"

"Where are the horse and the rider?"

Complained Aragorn, opening the box and dumping his new "Shortcut to Mushrooms" Lego set out on the floor.

"And I like less than half..."

"And I like less than half..."

of an apple pie for breakfast." "Quite the ascetic, aren't you Peregrin Took?" Aragorn said sternly. Pippin hastily replied, "Oh, no, no, no! It's not that! It's just I don't have as big a stomach as Merry does."

"We must stop him." decided Boromir as Gollum attempted to purchase the last of the Rice Crispies in the store. "No-ooo!" he shouted louder than ever befreo rugby tacking the little creature to the ground, almost certainly breaking all of his bones. "YES!" he shouted in triumph, "My precious!"

"You are a fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I highly respect and admire you," said Miss Footloose, a comely hobbit lass, to the blushing, bashful young Bilbo, "but I really don't think we should suit enough to get married. Someday you'll be thankful I said 'no'. But we can still be friends."

"Take it off! Take it off!" shouted a slobbering drunk Gimli from his seat at the table. He had already drunk enough ale for twelve dwarves, and Legolas was beginning to look rather becoming.

"I'll do no such thing!" replied Legolas; and, turning on his heel, he left the room (sparing us all).

"This I will not have secret!" Faramir cried out to his father. "It won't be long before all of Middle-earth is aware of your bladder control problem."

"Ah! now you are asking much," said Gandalf. "A year's supply of ale I will conjure for you, but I expect to be paid for the Old Toby conjuring in advance."
"How much?" sighed Bilbo.
"Oh, just that Ring of yours should be enough."

...Worm, if you know what's good for you," Saruman thundered while beating Grima Wormtongue with his cane. "Please stop," Grima whined. "I'm sorry I asked you what was for dinner. I know I should always trust you. But my growling stomach got the better of me."

"Say," Saruman said. He put down his cane. "I've thought of a way to kill two birds with one stone, not crows of course, but pigeons. Pimple is getting on my nerves; thus, I want him dead. Kill him and sate yourself to your heart's, or should I say your stomach's content."

"Oh, thank-you, beloved master, I will be so happy to finally have something to eat. Your benevelence is overwhelming."

"Hold your horses," Saruman replied. "You must wait until tonight. This must be done right. You will kill him while he sleeps and please clean up after yourself and do not leave any blood, flesh, or bones lying around for anyone to see. It could push rebellious minds to open treason. And make sure he doesn't squeal!"

"I'll do it very silent and neat tonight," Grima assured Saruman.

Running is no use. So thought Gandalf as he pondered how to get up the stairs of Orthank in his long robes. The stairs grinned at him, knowing they had defeated him. Eventually, Gandalf sulked and sat down on the bottom step and said, aloud, "Saruman is a ninny!" Enraged, the multicoloured wizard dashed from his room at the top of the tower and came hurtling down the stairs before tripping on his robe and falling face down in the mud at Gandalf's feet.

Now what on earth or under it has happened? pondered Samwise, poking listlessly at the wilted cabbage. What I really need is some good quality mulch. Hmm... Frodo has just had his flowerbeds relaid... plenty of good fresh soil there!

The stout hobbit puffed his way up the garden path to Frodo's front lawns, taking care not to be seen by the rich lamplight spilling neatly from Frodo's study window.

The good soil was right at the edge, where the flowerbed met the house. He ducked so as to avoid knocking his curly-haired head on Mr Frodo's windowsill, when he heard earnest voices...

"I will diminish, and go into the West and remain Galadriel," said quiet voice from underneath the hood of elven cloak.
"You are not getting away with this, Sauron," said the elven customs officer. "Throw off that disguise, we'll take you to Círdan, he decides what to do with attempts of illegal emigration."

"Yes," said Gimli. "But that ain't good enough. What if they find someone else to gnaw?"

"I highly doubt Treebeard or any of the other Ents will be foolish enough to get in teeth range of those two. And besides, Ents have thick bark," Legolas chimed in.

"What if they start biting each other?" Pippin asked.

"Good!" Gimli replied. "I hope they kill each other, and the more painful their deaths the better."

"There is one small flaw in your hope, Gimli son of Gloin," Gandalf said. "If they fight, most likely one of them will win. If that happens, one of them is left without a foe to slay him."

"Explain to me again why we didn't kill them when had the chance," Gimli said.

"The quality of mercy is not strain'd, Gimli son of Gloin." Gandalf replied.

Time to revive this thread!

Yes, poor Smaug had had more ale than he could hold, and he exited the Inn as quickly as his unsteady feet could take him outside. "That'll teach me to compete with hobbits in a drinking contest!" he groaned.

'They've taken everything, Sam,' said Frodo. 'Everything I had. Do you understand? Everything!'

"Yes," mused Sam, "I was going to ask why you didn't have any skin." This was just one of the many embarrassing moments that came about due to Orcs taking their orders far too literally. Another example was where they were told to 'pay the Gondorians a visit'. Which they thought meant, bring them all of Sauron's Gold.

"Old Tom Bombadil's not as blind as that yet," Goldberry nervously told Imrazôr, leading optometrist at the Houses of Healing. "I mean, really, 350 bucks for eyeglasses!? Being master of land and beast doesn't pay very well, you know."

"It was a black squirrel, and I saw no tail", exclaimed Frodo to Bilbo one day whilst taking a nature study. "Well of course Frodo! Didn't you bring a copy of John Hodgman's The Areas of My Expertise with you?!" Bilbo retorted.


~ Ka

"And do not forget that old man!" said Gimli as he dove into the bag of bread crumbs that the old man was previously wasting on Crebain...



"We shall break a good many things yet, and not ask you to answer. Good luck to you."

The last words of an Oliphant in a china shop. He was shot down by five hundred Gondorian archers.

"Swagger it, swagger it, my little cock-o-whoop."

"AHHHHH!" Elrond shot out of bed with a horror-stricken face. He took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from his brow. "I think I'm beginning to worry about Aragorn loving my daughter far too much. I should go check if there is any wine in the cellar." Elrond stormed off towards the pantry, hoping to erase his unpleasant dream from his mind.

In the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie, Frodo was suddenly astonished to see his shadow jump up and begin to strangle Sam's shadow. "Well, don't you believe that," marvelled Sam. "That almost beats out the Oliphaunts, Mr. Frodo!"

(Da dun chh.)

"Do you wish then," said Faramir, "that our places had been exchanged?"
Suddenly sitting up in the middle of the elven boat which had just come over the Falls of Rauros, the ghostly vision of Boromir looked directly into Faramir's eyes and said, "I've been shot through by orcs, had my vambraces purloined by that upstart Aragorn, laid in a boat and sent plunging down one of the highest falls in Middle Earth! Of course I wish our places had been exchanged!" Whereupon he lay back down and continued his night cruise downriver.

`I will take the Ring,' he said, `though I do not know the way," said Sam, becoming even more determined that he would discover the magic cleaning elixir of the elves that would help him clean the ring of dirt on Mr. Frodo's favorite bathtub.

What, you didn't like that quote to work with, so that I have to answer my own posts? Geez, you guys are picky! :p

Try this one on for size:

"Flee them! Speak no words to them! They are deadly." The soldier of Gondor was unsure of what the speaker he guided to Mordor was thinking.

"Oh shut up. You just don't think that we can convince the trolls to fight for us." The speaker faced the beast and spoke the standard terms of peace. He was met with a low grunt and was soon smashed by a club.

Quote:

Not all who wander are lost.

"Not all who wander are lost," said Sam after Aragorn came full circle to the Dunedain's own footprints for the third time that afternoon, "but after all that ale last night, I'm beginning to think this ranger's gold doesn't quite glitter, if you take my meanin', Mr. Frodo."

Keeping with the Aragorn theme,

"Well, there's also the slingshot you used to shoot out Butterbur's window, Mr. Strider." Sam was indeed an observant hobbit.

Quote:

All's Well that ends Better!

"All's Well that ends Better!" thought Shagrat, to himself. He made sure not to speak aloud. What good would come if the other orcs were to know what he was thinking!

"...here we find you feasting and idling - and smoking! Smoking! Where did you come by the weed, you villains?"

"Here we find you feasting and idling - and smoking! Smoking! Where did you come by the weed, you villains? Do you even realize how many times you've broken the rules?" Robin Smallburrow upbraded his shiriff friends, "You know full well this is not allowed!"