Be careful what you wish for...
 

Okay, this is a game my older brother came up with, and I thought it would be good for the Downs...

Make a wish. A Tolkien related wish, preferably.

Someone else can grant it, but there must be an ironic, or comical consequence to the wish. They can be serious (if you want) but more likely just plain silly.
Like so.

Someone posts:
I wish I could go to Middle Earth

Someone else posts:

Your wish is granted. But you are murdered by Orcs and Saruman takes all your gold.

I wish I had a Silmarill


****

And so on. I hope you get the idea.
Please put your wish in bold letters so everyone can see it.
Here is my wish...

I wish there were more sheriffs in the Shire.

More Sherrifs!
 

Your wish is granted. There are more Sherrifs in the Shire, they catch you stealing an apple and beat you with a sparrow. They then throw you into the Old Forest where you are eaten alive by Old Man Willow.

I wish Sauron was a pink fluffy bunny

Your wish is granted. Michel Delving becomes Nottingham, all proceeds go to the corrupt Prince Faramir, and the hobbitry stand in need of a benevolent hero in green tights.

I wish I could bear one of the Elven rings.

Argh. Cross-post. Well I like this answer, so I'm leaving it...

Your wish is granted. But you find to your horror that they are onion rings and you are allergic to them and your hand swells to the size of a city.

I wish the Barrow Wight and Tom Bombadill could get along.

Pink llamas, maybe...
 

Your wish is granted. But when Frodo goes to destroy the Ring, he sees Sauron and thinks he's too cute. Frodo gives Sauron the ring and everyone DIES.

My wish:

I wish Shadowfax were a Llama instead of a horse.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunatly, without a successor, the horses had no leader, and sailed away into the west. Later, at the battle of pelenor fields, the Rohirrim all died.


I wish ents were fireproof

Your wish is granted. But they decide to play water polo in mount Doom and end up filling it up with empty cans and so Frodo cant' destroy the Ring.

I wish Gandalf was around today.

Your wish is granted. Gandalf is still around, in fact he is right behind you. He convinces you to give your computer to your nephew because it is 'The One Computer To Rule Them All'. You then depart to Linux while your nephew must go to the Microsoft HQ to destroy 'The One Computer To Rule Them All'.

I wish Aragorn was a Jedi Master.

Your wish is granted. But he wants to go back into space so Gondor has no king.

(not very good I know ;) )

I wish the ring was a pretty blue butterfly.

Your wish is granted. But when Sam tried to put the Ring on to escape the orcs in Mordor it flew away and he was captured, taken to Sauron, and made to write out "I will not take the Master's Ring" on a large blackboard for all eternity.


I wish Balrogs did not have wings.

Your wish is granted. But since Balrog's wings are a paradox your wish could not be granted. The Great Debates still happen and nothing changes except for that one Balrog that tried to jump off a really tall building...

I wish Pippin was a mathamatical genius.

Your wish is granted, though Pippin will have no way of understanding how too use this knowledge except too build the biggest bridge ever, but he'll get lazy and it'll fall through killing thousands


I wish that Gil-Galad didn't die and had more lady-friends

Gil-Galad doesn't die, he waltzes his way away from Sauron which causes all the females in Middle-Earth to become his fan girls. For many years to follow every female can be heard saying, "OMGZ!!!111!!!11 GILGALD IZ SOOOOOOO SXY!!!11111!!LOLOLOL!!!31!11."

I wish the Bill the Pony was the ring-bearer.

Your wish is granted. But Bill eats the ring and when the ring wraiths catch up with him, they are forced to cut him open to get the ring out. Nice work.

I wish Orcs would revert back to elves.

Your wish is granted. Orcs are Elves again, but unfortunately they have kept the stench of Mordor and are therefore shunned by other Elves. The growing enmity makes them much worse foes than they were as orcs, for they cannot be distinguished from friends by their appearance.

I wish that Arwen had chosen to live on after Aragorn's death.

Your wish is granted. The insufferable old bat drives all her descendants mad for thousands of years by moaning about her old age pension, takes Herumor as a lover, and causes a Middle-earth Oresteia.

I wish Maeglin had won Idril.

Your wish is granted, and Idril is so happy for the change in the plot, that she starts a wild dance and accidentally steps over the walls of Gondolin, falls to a rock and dies crying "my precious...!!!".

I wish that Finrod had killed Sauron in Tol-in-Gaurhoth.

Your wish is granted. Sauron is killed, the Rings of Power are never made, The Lord of the Rings never happens. The Barrow-Downs are never made, Numenor would not be destroyed meaning Gondor would never be around, the Elves would be snobbier.... and oh yeah... this topic would have never been made. :)

I wish Gimli didn't have a beard.

Your wish is Richard - E - granted. But now he has no beard the dwarves shun him and he fells so depressed that he goes to the Dragon filled north lands and befriends the Dragons, bringing them south to destroy Middle Earth.

I wish The Barrow Wights would become allies of Gondor.

I wish that the ring would not have been destroyed and the fellowship would have died.

'The riders of Rohan', you must grant a wish before requesting one.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, the bare and unprotected landscape of the Barrow Downs become the first target for vengeful Easterlings. BW is eaten by a giant wolf. Pio falls to an orc arrow. The Barrow Downs is laid to a waste.

I wish to hear the Great Music that the Maiar made at the beginning of time

your wish is granted. The barrow wights betray the people of Gondor and eat them.

I wish the fellowship died before destroying the ring

Your wish is granted, however, your eardrums burst and Eru calls you disrespectful and so casts you into the void to have tea with Melko.

I wish the Eagles would become a Middle Earth taxi service.

Your wish is granted. But the Eagles' taxi rate was too expensive due to the over-inflated gasoline prices, no one used them anyway.


I wish Goldberry divorced Tom Bombadill.

Your wish is granted. The Hobbits are now eaten by Old Man Willow, as Tom is too depressed to go pick flowers, and that he has no one to pick flowers for. Later on, he kidnaps Arwen and makes her his bride.

I wish the Witch-King would usurp the power of Sauron.

Your wish is granted! The Witch king usurps the power of Sauron, but when Sauron finds this out, he gets depressed and starts eating large amounts of Chocolate until he bursts all over bad end. Frodo spends the rest of his life cleaning it up.

I wish Sauron's eye would cool down.

Your wish is granted. Sauron's eye turns a chilly blue color. Sauron, always in style, complains that Mordor's red lava doesn't match his eye. Sauron moves in with Osse and together they sink every ship on Gondor's coastline.

I wish Varda would marry Morgoth.

Hey Dol, merry dol
 

[quote]I wish Varda would marry Morgoth.[/qoute]

Your wish is granted! Varda leaves Manwe to marry Morgoth! Morgoth is a very bad husband, and constantly beats Varda. She divorces him, and tries to go back with Manwe, but he is heartbroken. In anger, he removes Arda from the stars, and casts Varda into the void. She would be stuck there for all eternity with her abusive husband, Morgoth!



I wish Tom Bombadil had destoryed the ring

Your wish is granted. Tom de-stories the Ring, removing it from the plot and ensuring Sauron's domination of Middle-Earth.

I wish Boromir hadn't died.

Your wish is granted.

Boromir's conversion to the Lite side saves him and he is able to forge a rejuvenated Fellowship in support of Frodo's quest to destroy the Ring. His strategic choices, his wit, his self determination and self-knowledge, his assertive training of others, brings him ever and ever greater renown.

Aragorn, in awe of this new Boromir, decides to forgo the throne of Gondor in favour of Arwen's favours and returns with her to Lothlorien, where they set up the first hippy commune.

But first he works tirelessly to educate the men and let us not forget the women also in the values of true leadership. Before Aragorn leaves, a strong form of constitutional stewardship is established in Gondor, to be remembered long years after in the form of parliamentary democracy established in the 7th age in the country called Cânâgórnmïr, one of the few remaining nations that still revered the two Trees in their contemporary form of the Maple Leaf Forever.

I wish Eowyn had not succumbed to the charms of dynastic merges with Faramir.

Your wish is granted.

After Aragorn brought Eowyn out of the darkness and she was walking around again, she decided to not listen to Faramir or the Head Healer and went off after the men of Gondor and Rohan to the Battle of the Black Gate. There, she saved Pippin from being crushed by the troll and Aragorn forgot his love for Arwen and married Eowyn instead. And Arwen married Haldi and they crossed over into valinor with Elrond, Galadriel, Frodo, Gandalf and Bilbo. Everybody's happy.

I wish Glorfindel was in the movie to rescue Frodo and Co. instead of Arwen.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, Glorfindel falls off the horse due to Frodo's weight and is cut out from the movie with a lean pension and nothing else. Legolas gets sulky, and refuses to do the amazing surfboard thingy in the movie because he thinks it would be dangerous. Then the OMG Orlando RULES fans have no one to be crazy for, so the movie was not as good, and then eventually the whole thing was scrapped.

I wish Feanor selected to give up the silmarils.

Your wish is granted. But, something bad happens involving something dreadfully amusing, a few jokes, a dance, and unicycles.

I wish Thorin had not died at the battle of the five armies.

Your wish is granted. However, he then never forgives Bilbo for his conduct, and murdurs him in a fit of indignation, and then the One Ring with the rest of his property is given to his nearest relative - Lobelia, who immediately uses it to take over the world in place of Sauron.

I wish Hurin was my next-door neighbor.

Well this was fun!
 

Your wish is granted! Hurin sits next door all day watching the same old channel. His children are actors in Morgoth's new reality TV. Once the writers kill them off, Hurin runs around in a panicked circle in your front lawn. He finds his wife, and buries her on your porch. Rest assured though, your porch will never sink. He then goes to the Gas Station to buy a microwaveable burrito, but there's a dwarf in his way. He kills the dwarf and takes the burrito, and turns to your house. He gives you the burrito, and you attach your central air to it. You are happy, for a time. A group of dwarves come later to fix a hole in your basement plumbing, and begin redecorating your whole house. When they're done, they want the Central Air encrusted Burrito, but you won't give it up! They kill you, but they don't get the burrito and central air. Your neighbor truly lived a bad life, and casts himself into the broken plumbing!

I wish Earendil worked for Duracel

Your wish is granted. However, Dunacel explodes on the first day and Earendil turns into a haddock.

I wish Gollum had his own talk show.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately all of Gollum's shows are spent interviewing Smeagol and the show gets run of the air.

I wish Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli formed a rock group called 'Three Hunters'.

Your wish is granted. But the pressure gets too much for them and they find out that it was your wish that forced them into this terrible state and so beat you to death with bread sticks.

I wish Christopher Tolkien would write some more Middle Earth stuff.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunate.y, Christopher didn't inherit his dad's writing skills and none of his books were published.

I wish Peter Jackson didn't kill Haldir and the Two Toweres movie.