Unfortunately, the watcher in the water (from the gates of Moria) was in the lake.

Fortunately, unbeknownced to most, the Watcher in the Water lives only on a strict diet of photoplankton (the kind only found in fresh water, zooloplankton live in salt water) AND deranged hobbits with mange...

Unfortunately, Ulmo was passing by at that moment and sneezed (being allergic to Watchers in the Water), which sent the ring spinning thousands of feet up into the air.

Where it was Fortunately caught on the nose of a passing Boeing 747.

Unfortunately, the pilot who had just seen the first episode of Lost, sent the plane spiraling downwards onto an unknown Pacific island...

Fortunately, after the plane crashed, the ring
came into the possession of one of the passengers, who
warned the survivors that he had an unexplained
presentiment that it would be dangerous to wear the
ring---that some way must be found to destroy
it (this after some considerable, ah, burping,
after ingesting a great quantity of bananas).

Unfortunately, Mount Doom was well out of throwing range (actually, not even in the same world as the Pacific Ocean), so their resolve to destroy the Ring was utterly meaningless.

Fortunately, the TV network saw great potential for a new show, so "Meanwhile, While Mt. Doom Burns" was soon on the air.

Unfortunately the show was becoming more and more violent as the ring caused strife between the survivors.

Fortunately, that boosted up the ratings and the Fellowship were able to catch an episode on a palantir (because they only show the finest albeit most violent programming). So they set off to get the Ring back.

Unfortunately, our world (jet airplanes et al) and the fantasy world of Middle-earth completely separated just as mysteriously as they had merged. The One Ring was assigned a new position in space by a rather embarrassed Eru, and the Fellowship, Ringwraiths and Gollum were all utterly confused and bewildered by the loss of the Ring. Sauron wasn't too chuffed either.

Fortunately, Sam had packed a spare for just this sort of occasion.

Unfortunately, Galadriel had just leased it out to him, and was missing it terribly so she traded it for a box of dirt (Not just ANY dirt mind you, elven dirt!!!)

~ http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood...cons/Happy.gif Ka

And fortunately Sam, being a brilliant gardener, was
able to use mulch, manure, etc. to make a mountain
of semi-elvish dirt from the little bit of magic soil
he got from Galadriel in return for the ring.
Thereby amassing a huge fortune
(Rosie being a brilliant entrepreneur,
opening a chain of SamRos Supersoil Stores).

Unfortunately, the company went into liquidation after Sam was seen dancing insanely after drinking some of the Gaffer's home brew and sam had to sell the ring off.

Fortunately the Kay Jewelers rep. who bought it ran into Gandalf at the pub the next town over and was advised to "Give that here. Now."

Unfortunately, the jeweler had already been quite corrupted by the Ring and after snapping, "It's mine. My precious. I won it from that stupid, fat, drunk hobbit, Precious," he high-tailed it out the back of the pub.

Where he fortunately ran into a grumpy bouncer who asked him suspiciously why he was leaving so soon, why he was leaving so quickly, and what did he have to pay his way out the door.

Unfortunately, the bouncer thought the jeweler was leaving
with his bill unpaid so he picked the jeweler up and shook him
to get the money, at which the ring rolled out the door and
was scooped up by an S-B using her umbrella!

Fortunately, Lobelia (unbeknownst to all) was actually more powerful than Sauron, thus the Ring was in the hand of the only one who could resist it.

Unfortunately, she had no idea what it was and threw it into a Hobbit's field.

Fortunately (for the S-B's) Lotho found it and put it on.

Unfortunately for Middle-earth, Lotho Sackville-Baggins had now become the new Dark Lord.

Fortunately this Dark Lord stuff was totally over his head and he got himself killed while trying to burn down Fangorn Forest. (He should have taken Denethor's advice about leaving the dirty work to others.)

Unfortunately, Huorns really started liking that new-style hobbit brand fertilizer and went on a feeding rampage.

Fortunately, the hobbits they ah (recycled) were
distant relatives of Gollum's living by the Anduin,
after which they went chasing across the Anduin
after some sexy entwives they saw across the river.

Unfortunately, trees can't swim.

Fortunately, some Gondorians who were in the process of adding to the back of their houses found lots of material floating down the Anduin for big decks
they were making for putting shrimp on the barbie when King Elassar came to
visit.

Unfortunately, Aragorn had completely lost track of where this thread had gone to and called a general assembly to find out what was happening. :p

Fortunately, Aragorn noticed a Gondorian jump in the Anduin yelling "MY Precious!"

Unfortunately, he assumed that the Gondorian's wife had fallen into the river and jumped in to try and save her.

Fortunately the Gondorian was wearing so much armour that he drowned before he could put the Ring on and Arry got hold of it before it sank to the bottom.

Unfortunately, Aragorn was to weak too handle the Ring, and when confronted by Gimli, he chopped the Dwarf's arm off in a demented fury.

Fortunately, Dwarves always carry a spare.

And unfortunately for Aragorn, Gimli hurled the now
superfluous arm at him and as it spun towards Aragorn's eye
he instinctively flung his arm up sending the ring flying into a passing ship.

Fortunately, the ship was populated with the ghosts of evil Haradrim, who due to their already altered state, were in no need of invisibility rings, not to mention being unable to understand the luring of the Ring because it spoke in the Common language.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . the Ring spoke in the Haradrim tongue, and it tempted them with free doughnuts holes. Which the spectral types loved to eat.

Fortunately the King of the Dead was allergic to the doughnut holes and was lucid enough to give the Ring to Frodo - who just happened to be passing through.

Unfortunately, it was a cruel ruse (Frodo really should have seen it coming). The Haradrim ghosts tied Frodo up on the sails of the ship and sailed off southwards, swiftly, sweetly and succintly, singing sea shanties of a salacious sort.

Fortunately, they used ghost rope and Frodo passed right thought it and was able to escape with ease.