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-   -   Phantom: The Thread (The Most Important Thread EVER) (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=17567)

the phantom 09-03-2011 08:01 PM

Phantom: The Thread (The Most Important Thread EVER)
 
I'm sure the majority of you are familiar with Chuck Norris Facts, but in case you're not, here are a couple of examples.
Fact: Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Fact: Ghosts like to sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Fact: Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Fact: Chuck Norris once kicked a man in the soul.

As great as Chuck Norris is, all Downers know that he pales in comparison to The Phantom. So- logically there ought to be a place where people can post various Downs/Tolkien-related Phantom Phacts and testimonies to Phantom's greatness.

So, let's get things kicked off here-

the phantom 09-03-2011 08:04 PM

Phact: Phantom once put on the One Ring... IT turned invisible.
Phact: Phantom knows where the Entwives are.
Phact: One time in a Werewolf game, Phantom fake revealed as the Hunter so convincingly that even the real Hunter believed him.

Inziladun 09-03-2011 08:44 PM

Phact: All the people inside phantom have their own FBI phile.

Boromir88 09-03-2011 09:13 PM

Phact: The sight of phantom caused Butterbur to literally melt

Phact: the phantom convinced Elrond and Gandalf their plan to send a hobbit blindly into Mordor was stupid when all they had to do was give him the ring and he could unmake it. Thus, the One Ring was unmade by the phantom. The story titled "Lord of the Rings" is a load of lies made up by a jealous hobbit.

Oddwen 09-03-2011 09:27 PM

Phact: Wherever three or more Downers are, the phantom is there also.

Phact: When the phantom looks into the mirror of Galadriel, he sees only himself.

Phact: When Mandos pronounced a doom upon the phantom that he didn't like, the phantom turned a cold shoulder. That shoulder is the Helcaraxe.

Phact: Gollum thought the time had come to ask something hard and horrible. This is what he said:

This thing all things devours
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers
Gnaws iron, bites steel
Grinds hard stones to meal
Slays king, ruins town
And beats high mountains down

Unfortunately for Gollum Bilbo had heard that sort of thing before; and the answer was all around him any way. "the phantom!" he said without even scratching his head or putting on his thinking cap.

Phact: the phantom can carry it for you.

Phact: the phantom can simply walk into Mordor.

Phact: the phantom never, ever drops eaves.

Phact: the phantom really, really likes it when people talk about him.

Inziladun 09-03-2011 09:28 PM

Phact: Phantom the neapolitan was the true head of the Istari.

Inziladun 09-03-2011 09:37 PM

Phact: When phantom is beside him, Manwë can predict the outcome of fantasy sports.

Oddwen 09-03-2011 10:16 PM

Phact: 87% of Downers have the phantom's profile as their homepage. The other 13% haven't visited the forum since 12-31-1969.

Phact: the phantom never uncloaks, because he doesn't want half of North America to go blind.

Phact: the phantom puts the 'Zoom' in Mount Zoom.

Phact: The Merisuwyniel smilie (:Merisu:) really hopes the phantom will notice her.

Phact: the phantom once visited the Caves of Aglarond and decided they needed more zazz. So he zazzed them.

Phact: Eowyn and Merry were just plain lucky in ending the witch king. Glorfindel's original prophecy was

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glorfy
Do not pursue him! He will not return to these lands. Far off yet is his doom, and only by the hand of the phantom shall he fall

Phact: The reason Aragorn had an evil memory of his first visit to Moria was that he went on a dare from the phantom, who then kept jumping out from behind rocks yelling "BOOGABOOGA!" at him.

Phact: The wane of Gondor can be traced back to the exact moment that Atanatar he Glorious proclaimed "Gondor has no phantom. Gondor needs no phantom".

Phact: The only reason that Meneltarma survived the fall of Numenor was because the phantom was chillaxin' there.

Phact: the phantom followed the lights and lit a little candle of his own, but suffered no ill effects.

Phact: Everyone thinks that "Precious" is Gollum's pet name for the Ring. It isn't. Know why? Because it's Gollum's pet name for the phantom.

Phact: The Snowmen of Forochel are always a bit depressed, because they know they can never be quite as cool as the phantom.

Phact: Tilion chases Vasa because he thinks the phantom is driving it.

Phact: The reason that Luthien and Arwen were said to be so alike was...well, let's just say that Thingol and Elrond weren't the most attentive of husbands.

Gwathagor 09-04-2011 09:46 AM

Phact: The Phantom doesn't have to wait 30 seconds between posts.

Gwathagor 09-04-2011 09:59 AM

Phact: The Phantom went back in time and made the internet, then came back and told the Barrow-Wight to create the Barrow-Downs. The BW said, "What the heck is a Barrow-Down?" So the Phantom went farther back in time and made Tolkien put the Barrows-Downs into The Lord of the Rings. He did this while in utero. (It is also possible that the Phantom IS the internet.)

Phact: That's not his avatar. That's his photograph.

Phact: Tom Bombadil may be the Master, but the Phantom is Tom Bombadil's Master.

Pitchwife 09-04-2011 11:46 AM

Phact: Contrary to popular belief in Gondor, the Argonath originally were miniature action figures of the phantom.

Phact: Mount Doom originally was the phantom's teapot warmer before he gave it to Sauron for the latter's 1000,000,000th birthday.

Phact: Two forces are as fate to all things in Arda - the Music of the Ainur and the phantom. Men are free to live their lives unbound by the former, but even they can't escape the latter.

Bom Tombadillo 09-04-2011 02:15 PM

Phact: the phantom once punched Chuck Norris. The effect of two such forces being near each other annihilated both of them. the phantom came back from the dead. Chuck Norris didn't, so tp used his omnipresence to impersonate him.

Phact: J.R.R. Tolkien was really the phantom in disguise.

Phact: the phantom may or may not actually be himself in disguise.

Hookbill the Goomba 09-04-2011 04:11 PM

Phact: phantom beat Sean Bean in a dying contest.

satansaloser2005 09-04-2011 05:38 PM

Phact: You may not be able to edit a WW post after the fact, but Phantom can edit the post before you've even made it.

Phact: The only reason why we're not sure whether balrogs have wings is because Phantom did such a good job of ripping them off.

Phact: When making the Rings movies, the film makers approached Phantom for styling tips, hoping to model Legolas after a paragon of phashion and charm. Phantom sent them pictures of his mother as a joke, but the studio didn't understand and used them anyway.

Phact: Phantom makes the best meat dishes. Why? Did he steal Sauron's spice rack full of secret herbs and spices? Of course not! He hired Melkor to do it for him.

Phact: Phantom's standard signature ("The Phantom has posted. This thread is now important.") is, in fact, a lie. His posts don't make a thread important. His posts are the only reason new threads exist.

Phact: Feanor was Phantom in disguise. His death was faked because Phantom wanted to go back home and watch football.

Phact: J.R.R. really stands for "Joking! Read Reverse." If you read Rings backward and use the proper cipher, the books are actually a testament to the greatness of Phantom. (The estate, naturally, denies any such allegations, mostly because they've read the decoded books and realize that messing with Phantom would be a bad idea.)

Inziladun 09-04-2011 08:11 PM

Phact: The forum AI dreams of phantom.

Phact: Phantom once played every role in a WW game while simultaneously modding, and still won.

Phact: When phantom went to Tirion and announced he was hungry, the hill of Túna became a hill of tuna.

the phantom 09-04-2011 09:30 PM

Phact: The Phantom once spit in a lake in the Misty Mts. That lake became known as Mirrormere.

Phact: Phantom can get fish from the forbidden pool whenever he feels like it.

Phact: When he was young, Sean Bean foolishly bet Phantom that he couldn't eat an entire herd of goats. Of course he lost the bet, and his punishment- from that day forward he was required to accept any movie role he was offered in which his character dies.

Phact: In Werewolf, Phantom once posted "++Bad Guys" and gave a vote to all the Wolves and Cobblers in the village.

Gwathagor 09-05-2011 12:20 AM

Phact: The cake is a phantom.

Gwathagor 09-05-2011 12:25 AM

Phact: Chuck Norris is the Phantom's son. Sean Bean was the mother. So was Bruce Lee. (The mother, I mean.)

Oddwen 09-05-2011 01:46 AM

Phact: The only mistake the phantom has ever made was accidentally sneezing on Lalaith.

Phact: the phantom wrote the "not allowed" list for the bounders.

Phact: The strong wine of Dorwinion was not meant for the tables of the Elvenking, it was meant for the phantom.

Phact: Aragorn and Legolas went now with Eomer in the van...which was driven by the phantom.

Phact: the phantom gave a personal reference and convinced Saruman the White to hire a random Rohanian underling named Grima.

Phact: The Uruk-hai and the Olog-hai share a common ancestor. Named the phantom. It was indeed, a black evil.

Phact: Whatcha doing after work? Yeah? Sounds fun. the phantom has done it twice already today.

Phact: One of the phantom's courtiers was mumbling about the evil king of Angmar one day, prompting the phantom to ask "Which king?". The name stuck.

Pitchwife 09-05-2011 05:03 AM

Phact: Das phantom ist die wurst aller würste.

Mnemosyne 09-05-2011 08:24 AM

Phact: the phantom solved the Canonicity thread.

Phact: the phantom doesn't write Tolkien fan fiction. Tolkien wrote phantom fan fiction.

Phact: The Music of the Ainur was, in phact, the phantom singing in the shower.

Eomer of the Rohirrim 09-05-2011 09:27 AM

Phact: the phantom can rep the same person twice in a row.

Phact: the phantom is not limited to twenty PMs.

Phact: the phantom can use more than three smileys in the same post.

Shastanis Althreduin 09-05-2011 01:48 PM

Phact: The amount of hot air in the phantom's huge head could supply heat to every hobbit house in the Shire for the next decade.

Galadriel55 09-05-2011 05:46 PM

Phact: the phantom waited until I'm away to start this thread on purpose, so that I'll have 23 posts to read through.

Phact: he is quite enjoying himself.

Phact: he made the One Ring before unmaking it in Rivendell. But even so, he still rules them all.

Gwathagor 09-05-2011 06:07 PM

Phact: Chuck Norris only counted to infinity after failing to count to phantom.

Gwathagor 09-05-2011 06:20 PM

Phact: The reason the Eagles couldn't just drop the Ring into Orodruin was because the Phantom had already booked them.

Galadriel55 09-05-2011 06:51 PM

Phact: this is the most important thread EVER. :smokin::p

Phact: TP is invading the subconcience of other Downers. See the 'Dreams thread for more details.

Nerwen 09-06-2011 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oddwen
Phact: The only mistake the phantom has ever made was accidentally sneezing on Lalaith.

Phact: It wasn't a mistake.

Eomer of the Rohirrim 09-06-2011 07:26 AM

Phact: the phantom can close threads.

Phact: the phantom can delete anyone's posts (especially yours).

Phact: the phantom controls the skwerls AND the spiders.

Oddwen 09-06-2011 11:33 AM

Phact: I painstakingly went through the phantom's posting history, phacebook, myspace, website, etc., and gleaned the wisdom of the ages.

Here in the phantom's own words, is the meaning of liphe:

Quote:

the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the 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phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom the phantom
tl;dr: the phantom

Lhunardawen 09-06-2011 11:34 AM

Phact: Go not to the phantom for counsel, for he will say things that will make your head explode.


Oddwen: What? Not 42?

Oddwen 09-06-2011 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lhunardawen (Post 661463)

Oddwen: What? Not 42?


Dear Lhuny, I think if you'll re-read the second paragraph...


...wait...

...ohoho, my silly subconscious! Here I thought I was typing up an insightful essay into the human condition! Instead, my thoughts seem to have strayed to thoughts of the one who can go down the road without keeping his feet and not get swept away. Funny how the human mind works, isn't it?

Bom Tombadillo 09-06-2011 12:03 PM

Phact: the phantom won The Game. the phantom did not lose The Game when he looked at this.

Phact: The Secret Fire isn't with Eru, it's with the phantom.

Phact: the phantom once built a sandcastle. That sandcastle is now known as Taniquetil.

the phantom 09-06-2011 12:09 PM

Just wanted to pass along what a friend of mine said about your post, Oddwen.

"At first I thought that 'meaning of liphe' essay was just a big joke, but I went ahead and read it, and as I went along I actually found it to be quite inspirational. I am now quite overcome with a desire to go out and be extremely awesome today. Thanks so much, Oddwen!"

the phantom 09-06-2011 01:03 PM

Phact: Phantom laughs at live dragons.

Phact: Scoring three goals during a game is known as a "hat trick". Scoring three goals per minute during a game is known as a "Phantom trick".

Phact: Bilbo likes Phantom exactly as much as he deserves.

Phact: In their native language, it takes Ents over four years to refer to Phantom.

Galadriel55 09-06-2011 03:19 PM

Phact: Morgoth was Phantom in disguise. Isn't it obvious, when his former name means "One who arises in might"?

Phact: the phantom is a cyber murderer. He murders RPG characters. :p

Phact: his horse is better than Phelaroph.

Phact: his head is so big that he doesn't fit in the pavilion on the Party Field.

Phact: the three trolls didn't turn to stone because of Gandalf or the sun or any such; rather, they became stone upon taking a mere glance at the phantom. Which brings me to this conclusion: TP has basilisk blood in him. (:cool: <-- puts on protective goggles)

Phact: from now on, any "f" sound will be spelled with PH.

Bom Tombadillo 09-06-2011 03:36 PM

Quote:

Phact: phrom now on, any "ph" sound will be spelled with PH.
Phixed that phor you.

Phact: You do not exist. You are just a phigment oph the phantom's imagination.

Phact: The Ringwraiths are deadly enemies, but they are only shadows yet oph the power and terror they would possess iph they were as awesome as the phantom (they aren't).

Galadriel55 09-06-2011 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bom Tombadillo (Post 661484)
Phixed that phor you.

And I thought that "phrom now on" means "phrom now on", not "starting at the beginning of this sentence". Pphhh!!! ;)

Phact: TP can make better jewels than Pheanor.

Phact: aphter seeing but a shadow oph all TP's glory, the Hobbits changed their horn-blowing signal to "Phoes! Phire! Phear! Just make sure not to wake up and anger The Phantom!"

ETA: Phact: the phantom wears special kind of clothing: it's called phants.

Hookbill the Goomba 09-06-2011 05:26 PM

Phact: Go not to the elves for council, for they will say "Go ask the phantom."

Galadriel55 09-06-2011 05:30 PM

Phact: phantom is the alien. :eek:


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