45 Things Orcs never say
 

45 Things Orcs never say:

The edge on this blade is too sharp!
Red wine with fried swamp rat!?! Are you mad!?!
Where is my hand lotion?
That's swell!
Too many animal skins detract from the decor.
I feel giggly.
I don't keep sharp objects in my house.
I've started a retirement fund.
Please explain the nuances between 'partly cloudy' and 'partly sunny'.
I already have enough swords at home.
Scotch tastes better with a twist of lemon.
He is wearing the same outfit as me... that bitch!
No meat thank you, I'm a vegetarian.
Darn it!
Earl Grey tastes better unsweetened.
I feel bright and chipper this morning!
I need someone to open this jar of pickles for me.
I can't decide if I want my Giant Bark-Slug poached or broiled?
I'm on a low sodium diet.
Please don't make me use obscenities.
Hold me!
This axe is too big!
My fiancé is registered at Tiffany's.
Too many mounted animal heads detract from the decor.
Not all problems can be solved with violence.
I started a diary last night.
Be honest with me guys... does this chest-plate make my butt look big?
Checkmate.
Please trim the fat off my steak.
Where the hell did this pimple come from?
This part always makes me cry.
Shucks!
Where is the rendezvous point?
That's very unsanitary!
Do you have any Sweet and Lo?
And what can I do for you this fine day?
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
Stop waving those weapons in da air!... It just ain't safe.
I'll have the salad.
I'm over 30 years old.
My socks are very clean.
I can't eat that - too high in fat!
Guys, let's draw upon our feminine sides for a more intuitive solution to our differences.
I think we've killed enough things today.
Where is my teddy bear?

That is great love it love it. I hope yuo get rep for this.

Things orcs will never say
 

I can't be instantly killed by a Gondorian/Rohirrim sword.
I can't be instantly killed by an Elf-arrow.
I'm good at fighting and surviving major battles.
I work for the good guys!
You know, Faramir, why can't we just be friends? Haven't we fought enough?
*same above for Boromir*
I can't be killed by small rocks thrown by Halflings.
Oh, I really need a Tic-Tac.

1) What we really need is a dance team.
2) Have you ever considered how your life might be different if you were... well.. a classical musician?
3) Do you have any Grey Poupon?
4) My favorite color is the -rainbow- :)
5) Watch where you walk everyone! This grass has been freashly trimmed!
6) I keep getting this nagging feeling as if I'm forgetting to go out and enjoy life.
7) Did you catch <insert popular TV show title here> last night?
8) I'm thinking about taking up the violin.
9) Maybe I should get my palm read... what do you think?
10) B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name-o!

Those are great... Thank you... I'll add them to my Orc website the next time update it.

The orcs don't say either:
1. Aww! How cute!
2. I cut my finger and it's bleeding... I'm gonna die!
3. Could I have some more tea, please?
4. I'm sorry./ I apologise.
5. Sorry, I can't come - I have to go to manicurist, you know.
6. Send my kind regards to your family.
7. I love you.
8. Be careful! You might break my porcelain cats!
9. Don't take it, my dear - it's her doll, not yours.
10. Count to ten before you do anything rash... One... Two... Three...

-Sauron cares about my survival in battle!

-We should go hang out with the Ogor-hai sometime.

-Maggot! How rude.

-Well, I guess you can have the shiny shirt. And take the halflings too for the heck of it.

-Ah! I love the Sun's rays warming my face! (goblins in TTT)

-"Ut?lie'n aur?! Aiya Eldali? ar Atanat?ri, ut?lie'n aur?!" Isn't that cool? It helps to be bilingul when you go to war.

-See that guy at the top of that tower? The one with the weird Eye? What a loser.
(Grishnakh)


-So like, I slept over at Arwen's last night, and she was all "Aragorn asked me out!" And I was like "Omigawd!!! That's so sweet! When's your first date?" And she was like "As soon as he destroys you and your army!"
(Gothmog in movie)
________
Legal Marijuana Dispensary

-Owie!! I hit my little toe.

-Uhhh Ohhhh broke a nail, broke a nail!!

-No, seriously now, if you consider the economic crisis the lands of Umbar had gone through in the last half a decade, you would realize the monarchial system is not working for the vast majority of us.

-Sauronwho?

1) Mauve is a soothing color, you know.
2) So I'm trying a new diet shake... less carbs.
3) I learned how to square dance the other night!
4) Okay... Guess what an Architeuthis is!
5) A Merry, merry un-birthday to you too!
6) Gil-Bucks, anyone?
7) Its the thought that counts.
8) I spy with my little eye.. something thats periwinkle blue!
9) Do you listen to smooth jazz?
10) They aren't working us hard enough.

Thank you for all the good ideas! Anybody have any more?

-does this armor make me look fat?
-It all started when was a young lad my mother would............etc
-What a cute little puppy hey puppy wanna play fetch?
-look at the cute little baby goodeedoo goobeboobooboo
-(after an orc sneezes) Bless you, or Gusundheit
-(when departing) goodbye, fare well, have a nice day
-(during orc talent show) Oh Romeo Romeo where art thou romeo?
-(while working) HiHo HiHo its off the work we go *Whistling*
-You know that Gandalf guy is pretty cool
-Can't we all just get along?

Boo!

My knees are ashy
I smell horrid
hand me my pink scabbard

Those are good. Thank you.

"Ashy"? What is that?

-"Check out that elf! Man, she's hot...."
-"Hurry, we must destroy the One Ring!"
-sing "Keep it Gay" from The Producers
-"I really need a bath."
-"I'm afraid of the dark!"

1. Do you think I could wear a pink tank top? Sauron says I'm more of an earth tone...

2. Little bunny Foo-Foo hopping through the forest...picking up the Orc-mice and bopping them on the head!

3. Is it break time yet?

4. *giggle*

LOL. Keep them coming!

Anyone have anymore?

"My councilor says I should channel my anger into something positive, so I've taken up yoga."

"I planted this tree out in front of my cave, and I've see two new types of birds land on it!"

"I just got a letter from Gundabad, it says my soldier's compensation is invalid if I don't wear a certified helmet."

"Go on, Gungor, ask her to the dance; the worst that could happen is she'll bite your nose off again."

"This year I've decided to take my pillaging leave in Southern Gondor. I hear the climate is nice there in the summer, by the sea."

And of course...

"His Majesty The Dark Lord has sent out leaflets recommending we upgrade to Windows Vista, but I've heard XP is still more evil, so I don't think I'll bother."

I just can't decide. Farmer's Market or organic veggies!

(To Merry and Pippin) Would you prefer 1% or 2% organic milk
as a pick-me-up?

This jogging across Rohan is just maaarvelous for the figure.

The only good troll is a dead troll.

Don't touch that tree! Haven't you heard about global warming!

Has anyone seen my sunblock? There's a daylight march in a couple hours and there's no way I'm going without that.

Anybody want one of my blueberry muffins? Baked them myself.

Here's a picture of my youngest, Mog and this is a shot of the twins fishing.

Singing: "I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty..."

I feel that two axes is definitely over-accesorizing.

Have a rainbow day!!!

Oh! I ADORE chintz!

I went to the orthodontist today... looks like I'll be taking out a second mortgage...

Who wants a frappachino?