Eru forbid this...
 

What if PJ was to direct a Silm? Suggest what he would change.

• Huan would become a giant hyena.
• I don't know...evil Finrod?
• Eöl who?

That's all I could think of now.

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

P.S. I know that PJ directing the Silm is impossible, and fitting the Silm in a three-hour movie is equally impossible, but "what if"?

Sauron continues to be a lidless eye because the studio wants to maintain "brand recognition" for their merchandising.

Arwen would suddenly appear. *shudder*

Evil Finrod! :D

Maybe he could capture Beren and take him to Osgiliath. ;)

(Assuming of course that Tolkien Enterprises would allow the silm. to be done...)

-Perhaps using Cate Blanchett again for Melian, "because she is such a great looking girl"

-To put a "to be continued" sign at the end.
(shudders...THIS ISN'T HOLLYWOOD!)

EDIT: If the Silm. was made, the length of the movie would either be devided(like the trilogy) or made into a "Dune" type movie. For those of you who havn't seen Dune, IT'S BLOODY LONG! The book was long...and the movie was long. Hours indeed!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 3:42 PM December 16, 2003: Message edited by: Ainaserkewen ]

Prologue in Valinor: Melkor attempts to destroy the two trees, with the help of a giant ape who swings from the branches beating his chest. Even the biplanes of Manwë cannot save the trees.

Kate Winslet and friend are grief-stricken, and decide to take it out on mum, Yavanna. Ëonwë (played by Michael J Fox) leads three wise-cracking ghosts on a terrible quest for vengeance.

Meanwhile somewhere in Middle-Earth... a hyena jumps off a cliff for no reason...

I don't know what you're worried about, I think it would be great!

the Queens of the Valar will get JUST as much coverage as the Kings.

liv tyler will play Luthien (after all, Arwen is meant to be the light of Luthien Tinuviel reborn)

Thingol will either imprison Beren in teh tree house rather than Luthien or he will try to murder him single- handedly.

Beren and Luthien will have to fight off countless orcs and evil beasties weathertop-style.

Turgon (if he's included) will not die at the fall of Gondolin- he will lead the remnants to the Mouths of Sirion.

There will only be 3 sons of Feanor- maedhros (hung from thangorodrim: very dramatic), Celegorm and Curufin (all that tension- very atmospheric). also, they're aprt of the tale of Tinuviel which will of course be told in full because it's a LOVE STORY.

Beleriand will be renamed Hobbiton, Gondolin Rivendell, Nargothrond Moria and Menegroth Lothlorien just so we don't get confused.

Finarfin will be erased because he doesn't have a big enough part. so will the Vanyar and the Teleri.

Melkor will look just like Sauron except a bit bigger.

They will extremely dramatize the murder of Finwë, and turn it into a duel like something out of The Mask of Zorro. Even though the Dark Lord Morgoth will be wielding a gigantic mace, Finwë will manage to repeatedly wound him with a carving knife-size sword, until Morgoth loses his patience and breaks all of Finwë's ribs and causes severe internal bleeding with his mace. Morgoth will then take the Silmarils, and after gloating (which is what all Dark Lords do), will sweep out dramatically with a flourish of black cloak. Finwë, who has miraculously remained alive, will call the token butler-type chap, and get taken on a bier to where Fëanor is, gasp out his story to his son(s), and dramatically die (after whispering "Miriel, I am coming.) in Fëanor's arms. Then, Indis, Fingolfin, and Finarfin will all exchange extremely pitiable looks, while Fëanor randomly lets out a wild scream of anguish and curses Morgoth for all eternity.


Movie Plot 101, got to love it!


P.S. I do resent having to die though. Ah well, it's all for the audience. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 8:08 PM December 16, 2003: Message edited by: Finwe ]

Rofl!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
(Sorry about you having to die though. [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img] )

It's all right. I don't mind talking about my rather heroic death. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] After all, it was all my crazy son's fault. Where did I go wrong with him???? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

What have I done? I've unleashed a watershed of shuddering scenes!!!

*shudders* Maybe he'll rescue Beren in Nan Dungortheb?


Beren: You wanna know why your brothers died?!
Finrod: Uh...they were burned alive?
Beren: Oh, you know... *hangs head in shame*

Anywhen...

• Olórin and Curumo in the War of Wrath would fight using their 'pokie-sticks with force'.
• Legolas stunts!!!
• I'd hate to see a young Agent Elrond...

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

Yes, and they will show their skills in breakdancing, as taught to them by... Gothmog the Balrog!

The Glorfindel who killed a Balrog in Gondolin will be replaced by Arwen. Great.

[img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:20 AM December 19, 2003: Message edited by: Lhunardawen ]

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Yes, Earendil and Elwing will have their twin sons, and the camera will swing in to focus on... a baby with a receeding hairline! Ahh!

Turin will carry around a "nice shiny dagger". Niniel will be played by Orlando Bloom, because after all, who could tell the difference? The Tale of Turambar will be regarded as dramatic enough, but lacking in comic relief (well, duh), so Gwindor will become a comedian.

Legolas will show up in Valinor, because, after all, he's the one who sold LOTR, so why shouldn't Leggy-lasses get the opportunity to drool for another 15 hours?

OK, forget all of that. The entire plot of the Silm will be replaced by "The Adventures of Legolas", a 48-hour epic in which Legolas kills Glaurung, recaptures all three Silmarils at the same time, makes obvious comments ("At the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, lots of people died"), and stunt-isizes.

Hmm... the Mahanaxar will be some kind of cathedral, when the Valar enter the Ring of Doom they will have little Elven monk people who chant in Quenya walk in front. Oh yeah, a freaky Eye will question Gorlim the Unhappy. Tuor and Idril's romance will be extended, Ulmo will be a shark. And Hobbits will live in Nargothrond. Also I won't be in it, because they aren't smart enought to make Orodreth Arothir. Read POME! Arwen won't kill the Balrog (they're too stupid to know that Glorfindel kills a Balrog because they didn't read HOME)but Idril will.

&lt;font size=1 color=339966&gt;[ 9:02 PM December 19, 2003: Message edited by: Arothir ]&lt;/font&gt;

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 3:36 PM December 21, 2003: Message edited by: Arothir ]

My death (as in the Death of Arothir the second king of Narog in the Turinssaga) will be extremely heroic!

Maeglin will take Idril roughly 5 years before the Fall of Gondolin and said battle will become a one man mission in which tuor struggles to get back Idril.

As a show of woman power, Idril will eventually kill Maeglin.

Eol will be cut out- he's not important. So will Aredhel; Maeglin will have been sent by Sauron, who is Morgoth's eviler twin brother (hey we don't want to diminish the power he has in LOTR)

When Beren slays Charcaroth, the Silmaril falls into the waters.

Then, at the end of the last film, we see it float along through water, until it reaches the Washbasin of Udun, where it falls straight into Sauron's left eye, casuing extreme burning and pain!

And so, loyal viewers, you have seen the Origin of the Lidless Eye!

Fëanor the Friendly!

The Vanyar engulf all the Elves...and men...so that everyone is blonde...blue eyes get a fiar spread too. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

for christs sake , don't leave me out [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

I need to forge Anglachel and Anguirel. Don't forget I AM a great smith [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

ps: who wouldn't love to see the galvorn? [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]


And they'd probably end the movie with a duel between Tulkas and Melkor where Tulkas beats the crap out of him and swings him 'popeye style' to the Void

The time: Earendil has reached Valinor, and made a persuasive speech.

The setting: The coast.

The cast: An Ork patrol.

Ork1: [Sniffs.]

Ork2: What is it, what do you smell?

Ork1: [Looks Ork2 in the eye] Valar-flesh.

Ork2: They've picked up our trail! RUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Huon is basicly a giant Scooby Doo

Ecthelion will climb up a bunch of arrows in order to kill the balrog.

-willkill

Horrible mental images!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Don't tell PJ - he might steal the idea...

...and Sauron a giant...chihuahua! Or a giant eye-dog... *ponders on what an eye-dog might be*

• The War of Wrath will end in a catastrophic nuclear explosion that sinks Beleriand...(hey, someone has to use the nuke!)
  
• Galdor will disappear, and probably Hador, too.
  
• Melkor is...a giant nose!

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 10:34 PM December 22, 2003: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]

-Sauron will have random spikes all over his armor.

-Whenever someone gets beheaded, a great spurt of blood gushes out from their neck, and their head falls on the Hobbit (or the random short person) standing nearby.

AAAAAND....... best of all.....


- Morgoth has a pronounced stoop, alopecia, and rotten teeth, refers to himself in the third person, and constantly calls his Silmarils "My Precioussss....."

LOL!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Morgoth: Where iss it? Where iss it? My preciousss...

Sauron: Hello? Like look at your crown?

Morgoth: Oh yess, my preciouss... Stupid little.. me.

While the Noldor are crossing the Helcaraxe, Morgoth will suddenly appear and say: "Nai yarvaxea rasselya taltuva notto-carinnar!"

Beren and Luthien can't die and come back as mortals, oh no! They're the romance of the story, so they need to become gods and solve every conflict and show up at every battle!

Have you ever read Bored of the Rings, Nilpaurion Felagund?

Galadriel's going to show up in every scene, just so that you remember that she's there.

Glorfindel who?

Whenever the Naugrim show up, they're all dressed in clown costumes, 'cause they're not important, and you need comic relief in every serious movie!

Uh, no...why?

So this post does not get deleted, I'll add one...

• Fëanor with inferiority complex...

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

PJ would shorten the Lay of Leithian and Narn i Hin Hurin (if he would include them at all), and show more scenes between Thingol and Melian or Varda and Manwë instead.

Then he will add a character named Melatariel, who will be Luthien and Beren's daughter three years after Dior is born. (Oh no, Nilpaurion will kill me! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] )

Some random Elf will be made into a boy, and another into a horse (the way PJ did for Éothain and Garulf, respectively).

"Maglor! You must ride Fingolfin and get him to fight Morgoth!"

"But papa said Morogth is too big to fight Maglor!"

They'll make Elenwë's death on the Grinding Ice this big thing, though you never really know her...

And they won't explain the whole Orome leading the Elves to Aman thing.. & prolly not about Morgoth "making" the orcs, cause it'll confuse people..

(not very good, I know)

They'll turn Elenwë's death into this big Hollywood self-sacrifice scene. As Turgon, Elenwë, and Idril are crossing the ice, a big chunk breaks off, with Idril on it. She frantically tries to leap to the other crag of ice (the one with her parents) but barely makes it, and is hanging on by her fingers. Elenwë leans over and manages to grab Idril and swing her over onto the ice, next to Turgon, who grabs her, but in so doing, she loses her balance, and falls into the icy water.


*sigh* I've got such a crazy imagination.

Actually, that sounds quite good, Finwe. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

I know. Thingol will be portrayed as an overly possessive father who is reluctant to allow his daughter to marry the hero and forsake her immortality.

Oh wait a moment ... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Thingol will be played by Hugo Weaving and will look like Elrond. In fact, Thingol will be Elrond, and Luthien his first daughter. To make the story simpler, the Seven sons of Feanor will become the Two Sons (Magormfin and Maedranrodris, shortened to Mag and Med).
Finarfin and his sons will disappear, and be replaced by various sons of Fingolfin/Feanor. Fingolfin will also only have two sons. The daughtes will be non-existant, except Galadriel who will be Elronds first wife rather than Melian. Got all that?

Good one, Saucy! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]


Fëanor will have a pronounced stoop, severe speech impediment, alopecia, refer to himself in the third person, and constantly refer to his Silmarils as "My Precioussssssss..." [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

The Prophecy of Mandos will take up 1/3 of the film and to make his point, Mandos will be forced to kill several Elves to make his point, thus rendering Mandosand evil evil bad guy in league with Morgoth. perhaps he could even become Sauron's brother...

Turgon will imprison Tour for suggesting that he leave Gondolin to create drama.

There will be a wisecracking Balrog.

When Turin is fighting Gluarung elves will suddenly appear out of nowhere and proceed to sacrifice themselves by exploding.

Exactly! Why not just cut out the Valar altogether, except maybe Manwe and Morgoth? That way Luthien can take Varda's place, power-wise, and they won't have to go to the trouble of introducing new characters! And Beren can replace Orome, maybe....

Finrod will be evil. He will actually capture Beren, and take him to Sauron's Isle, seeing as he works for Sauron and all. Then he can be killed in a warg accident, instead of fighting the werewolf to save Beren's life. Perhaps there can be a "Return of the Hyena-Lemmings".

Feanor will either be a pure evil arse, OR an innocent (in intentions at least) tragic noble hero. Of course, if 2 of the writers disagree about whihc method to use and end up emrging, it might end up close to the real Feanor. [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

But what if Disney did it? Glaurung owuld be Morgoth's stupid, comedy sidekick, and Sauron/Beren (or both) would be a hiphop superstar, or whichever music genre is the "coolest" when it's made.

*Techno-trance Halls of Mandos...mmmMMMM [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] *

Oh, please. No! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

No, that will be Mim's job. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Ooh...I remembered Moria and the Bridge of Khazad-dum while reading this... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

*Turgon grabs Elenwë by the hair*
Elenwë: Not the hair!
Turgon: Okay! (lets go of Elenwë)

That seems like a too inappropriate death for the wife of the soon-to-be High King of the Noldor. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]