Hilarious LOTR poems
 

Hey. I didn't know where to put this, so I put it in this section. I found the most hialrious poem someone wrote about LOTR on another site. Here is is...

GREEN EGGS AND LEMBAS
by "Whistler"

Excerpt from a screenplay for THE LORD OF THE RINGS
by Dr. Seuss

(Scene: Bag End, after Bilbo’s party)

GANDALF:
That Samwise-Sam! That Samwise-Sam!
I do not like that Samwise-Sam!

FRODO:
Would you like some bread and jam?

GANDALF:
I do not want your bread and jam.
I’m busy being mad at Sam.
He likes to sneak. He likes to spy.
I’ll grind him up for hobbit pie!

FRODO:
Oh, do not grind him up for pie!
He is a pretty handy guy.
He mows my grass. He paints my gate.
He is my friend. We both are straight.

GANDALF:
Well, then, I will not grind up Sam!
Bring me bread, and bring me jam!
We’ll talk about another thing.
Tell me, do you have the ring?

FRODO:
I have the ring. I have it here.
But, mercy me! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
I fear the ring is very bad,
The golden ring that Bilbo had!
Tell me, will you take the ring?

GANDALF:
I will not take that evil thing!

FRODO:
Would you, could you, by the fire?
Would you, could you, in the Shire?

GANDALF:
I would not, could not, by the fire.
I would not, could not, in the Shire.

FRODO:
Would you, could you, in a tree?
Would you, on the road to Bree?
Would you, with an orc or troll?
Would you, in a hobbit-hole?

GANDALF:
I would not, could not, in a tree.
I would not, on the road to Bree.
I would not, with an orc or troll.
I would not, in a hobbit-hole.
I will not take it here or there,
I will not take it anywhere!
For it is bad. It’s as you say.
You’ll have to take that ring away
And throw it in the Cracks of Doom!

FRODO:
I’ll need a friend. But who, or whom?

(Gandalf produces Sam, who has been spying)

SAM:
Oh, Master! Master! Sam is here!
He’ll wash me down with beer, I fear!
I do not wish to be a pie!

GANDALF:
I will not eat you, little spy!
But I will send you far away.
You both will go away today.
You’ll go to Bree. A man is there.
The man looks foul. The man feels fair.
He’ll lead you both, if all goes well,
To meet the elves in Rivendell.

SAM:
Oh, Master! We will meet the elves!
We’ll get to meet the elves ourselves
And hear them sing their elven songs!
We’ll hear them bong their elven-gongs
And strum their elven loola-lutes!
They’ll hoot their elven hooty-toots!

GANDALF:
I hope you’ll hear those loola-lutes
And hear the hoots of hooty-toots!
But go with care. To be a pie
Is better than to meet the Eye!
The Eye is mean. The Eye is red.
He rules nine Riders. They are dead.
They’ll try to make you dead, as well.
But will they catch you? Time will tell!

FRODO:
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! This is a mess!
We’ll have to fix this mess, I guess.
So we will go, just Sam and me.
And what will happen? We will see!

(Fade)

LOl!!! That is hilarious!!!!!!!

Had anyone else wrote or found any other ones?

HAHA ERUWEN! What a great poem you have stumbled upon! Hats off to you! Wow I think i need to take a nap or something after laughing so hard! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Oh man that rocked. I'm laughing my bootie off here!!!

I'm always looking for spoofs - and that one is D-Y-N-O-M-I-T-E!

Very funny, and definitely a candidate for Middle-earth Mayhem!

"Elven hooty-toots" hehehehe

Oh, that was one of the funniest things I've read in quite a while. Great job!

The elven instruments sound a bit scary but other than that the entire thing was freak'n hilarious.

Maxdout

I saw some one write their own version of the "in the land of mordor" poem, so i thought i'd cop-off them. The first line was a lot like theirs, and nothing could beat their "pie" verse (very funny).

Three rings for the Elven-Kings who never seem to die,
Seven for the Dwarf-Lords (the most indignant of the lot),
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to fry,
One for the Dark Lord who seems to be on pot
In the land of Mordor where the mean people lie.
One ring to fool them all,
One ring behind them,
One ring to shove them all
And in the darkness bind them
In the land of Mordor where the mean people lie.

Maxdout

Yay Max! Good one. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

All of it is very funkylicious and hobbity! Keep up the good work! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Lol. That was funny! I am trying to find more sequal writings to "Green Eggs and Lembas", but I havn't found any yet. Omg, that is funny. Thanks Max!

Hilarious [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I especially liked Gandalf's lines.

that was an extremely funny poem. just bumping it so others can enjoy it.

Yes, very good!

these are really good poems [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Booya. back online!

I love that poem! I think I'll print it out or something.... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Now I know where the "Oh, do not grind him up for pie!" quote came from...