Things you should never say to LOTR characters
 

What shouldn't you say to LOTR characters?

Gee, Legolas, your hair needs a good brushing!

Aragorn, did anyone ever tell you that with that long hair you look like a woman?

Boromir, Gondor is dumb.

Gollum, can i have your ring?

Hawo uncaw Sawumannyyy!!

(hello uncle saruman in plain english [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img])

gee, Haldir... that time of the month again?

Galadriel? Erm...Galadriel? Ummm...well, I took the mirror, you know, your bowl thing...well...and...well...it...I was really careful, I promise, but...well...here you go. *Hands her little shards*

Rabid Fan: "OMG!!! You're Orlando Bloom!!!! You're like so totally hot!!!"
Legolas: "I'm who?"

"Dude, Strider, your sword's like broken or something. You should get a new one... how're you supposed to fight with a piece of junk like that?"

"Theoden? Did I mention you die in the end? Well, I just thought I'd let you know."

"Saruman, I'm an environmentalist. Hug a tree."

"Look, Treethingy, can we please hurry up???"

"Frodo, keep the ring. It´ll make you happy. It´s not evil." (The probem is, he´d believe you)

Arwen, you do know Aragorn´s cheating on you with that hot human chick from Rohan, don´t you?

Use your brains, Pippin! (And die in the attempt?)

Come on, Sam. Forget Frodo. He´s got Gollum now.

"Hey, Galadriel, try some of these noodles i cooked in that bowl over there!" *point to her mirror*

Come on, Treebeard, sponteneity is the spice of life!

Hey, Gollum, like my ring?

Eowyn, a woman's place is in the kitchen.

Erm...Galadriel...was I supposed to drink that? *points to mirrior*
Oh my gawd, Bombadil will you just SHUT UP!
Hey Saruman, nice manicure.
Sam, Frodo hates you. You've gotta leave him.

Hey Legolas, don't look now but there's Balrog behind you.... [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

(to the whole fellowship) Hey look, there's another one of them Nazgúls right there... but I wouldn't worry.... [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[ January 01, 2003: Message edited by: Dark Shadow ]

Hey Bombadil, singing is for pansies!!

(When the Hobbits are Hiding under the tree for the Nazg?l)
Hey stupid, there underneeth those root's.

Galadriel, really, but white isn't your color.

Hey legolas, you look like a sissy in those thight's. (ehm NOT he looks totaly hot in those)

And I could go on about it for ages.

Greetings,

Anuion
________
VOLCANO VAPORIZER

Legolas, you're ugly and no one likes you. Go away.

Gimli! Did you cut your beard?

You know, Aragorn, I saw the future. You're going to steal the ring and take over and become and evil dark lord.

You're really not son of the Steward of Gondor, Boromir. Sorry. It just came out. Now you get nothing. Oh, and you're going to die too...

You're a really horrid gardner, Sam.

Not...funny...Pippin...

You know, I think you're getting skinny, Merry!

Frodo, you know that whole story we told you about the ring? Well, we were lying. All the power and suffering was a figment of your imagination.

Ummm...Mithrandir...hate to break it to you, but...you're developing lung cancer. You have to stop smoking.

You aren't so tough Sauron! You're so cuuuuuuuuuute!

Gollum, bad news, all the fish in the world miraculously disappeared.

Aaaah...Masssssssster Elrond! Hmmm...anyone ever told you that you need to work on your eyebrow shape? And have you seen that Jack Black parody? Well, he was right: you might want to rethink your crown choice.

Hey! Haldir! Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul. And you also walk to loudly, that Gimli could have thrown an axe on you, were you in the Void! Haha!

Hey Gollum want this fish? Too bad its mine.

Frodo, did you know that whenever you're scared you look like youre going to wet yourself? Work on your 'scared' face.

In the mines of Moria
gandalf is reading the book: Hey SHUT UP!!Pippin's about to knock a skeleton down a well!

Gimli, your cousins suck.

Eomer, get a goddam haircut, hippy.

Uh, Galadriel? see that thing over there? *points to mirror* well, it gave me a vision and I got pretty scared and had a seizure and went on a bit of an insane rampage and trashed your house and your land and everything and that husband of yours got caught up in it and now what's left of him is hanging in that tree over there. Yeah, see that mess of blood and gore, in that beech there? Yeah. Sorry babe.

Legolas- (one of his angry moments) Forget your hairbrush?

Pippin-"No alcohol 'till I see a valid ID."

Gandalf-"This is clearly labeled as a SMOKE FREE area, twit."

Gimli-"You have absolutely no taste in women, old chap."

Lets go Silmarillion for a sec....

....to Fëanor - " Look, don't worry about some bright little stones, it's not like you were bound to them or anything"

Lol! This is from a scene in the movie where Gimli appears to be flirting with Eowyn.

"Give it up, Gimli! You haven't got a chance with her, she marries Faramir!"

Okay, that was dumb. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Legolas - Legolas, my hair is better than your any day!! (note: my hair is really short for a girl, dark brown, and generally greasy)

Gandalf - lay off the break dancing

Elrond - (right in the middle of the council) Geez, you're a grumpo!!

Aragorn - Silly Aragorn, girls, especially Arwen, don't like the rugged look anymore.

Winged Nazgul - Oh you're sooo cute!! may I have you for a pet?

Frodo - (right after he has destroyed the Ring) Frodo, I hate to tell you, but that was the wrong Ring...you have to restart your quest

Gollum - That Baggins, do you know what he wants to do with the Ring? He wants to make all the fish in the world dissapear!!

Okay, not that great, but I tried...

My dear Blue elf,

Every where I look you turn up and say something funny here's another one for instance:
Hahahahahahahaha, liked that one.

Greetings,

Anuion
________
Chrysler Br Platform Specifications

Eowyn, dinner on' table now! (In thick Yorkshire accent for comedy purposes)

Unless you enjoy getting slapped, in which case, give this one a go.

Helkahothian (sp?)

I am known for having low self esteem...thing is, some people love my stuff, but some people don't, and I see a lot of stuff, and assume my stuff is bad. Habit. I sound like Eeyore, don't I? Nothing wrong with that though, Eeyore is cool!!

Oh, this isn't something not to say to a LotR character, but a few things they should have said...

Sauron (as the ring falls into Mt. Doom): I knew I should have gotten insurance!!

Gandalf (reading the Ring): Made in Japan.

(same scene again, different words)
Frodo: Gandalf, I cannot read the fiery letters!
Gandalf: And what makes you think I can?

Well, a little off topic, but I wanted to put em in anyhow...

Aragorn meet the hairbrush. And the hair shampoo. NOW USE THEM
Frodo, I don't if anyone's told you but thats a fake **Points to the one ring**
Treebeard, this is my axe. And Yes, I do use it on trees
Eru, your singing is rubbish!
(To any Hobbit) err, you need to go on a diet
[img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Sauron: When you do get that Ring, where are you going to wear it anyhow?
(His reply): Uh oh....I never thought about that....

To Frodo: Frodo, Maggot's after you for stealing those mushrooms!!

To Bilbo: It's the Sackville-Baggins, run, run!!

To Arwen: Aragorn is cheating you, y'know.


I tried.... [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

To Aragorn-Everyone knows you don't know where your taking us, we're going to get lost and die all because of you and your messed up sword that has a name and well Legolas was kind of practicing with his bow and arrow and killed Arwen. Just thought you should know.(the fellowhip)

Faramir, you're just like your brother!

Hey Treebeard, we're going to be building a sawmill right here on the banks of the Entwash.

To Gandalf: Fool of a wizard!

Legolas, don't look now, but I think your hair's on fire.

(While looking at Gloin): Won't you introduce me to your mother, Gimli?

(While looking at Gimli): So Legolas, what did you say your dog's name was?

Sam, Frodo's just a big moron.

Hey Saruman! There's 400 more acres of forest just over that hill.

To a Nazgul: Sing me a lullabye, won't you?

To a Barrow Wight: Hello, I'm from the ME archeological society, and I'm here to collect these ancient treasures and put them in a museum.

How's it hangin', Maedhros?

Hey Arwen, who was that blonde I saw Aragorn with last night?

Hey Elrond, who was that blonde I saw Aragorn with last night?

Maedhros, could you give me a hand?

Frodo, if Gollum gives you any grief, just give him the finger.

Gollum, you don't want that ring. It doesn't go with your ensemble.

No Legolas, there's one hundred and six riders of Rohan, not one hundred and five. Man, I think you need glasses!

HAHAHAHAHA, those were funny...okay, I'm making an attempt at some more (these are fun to write)

Treebeard - Oh yes, and that handmade wooden sculpture I just gave you, well, um, that was your buddy Quickbeam...

Grima - HAHA!! You have a green face!! (so random...but did anyone notice that in the movie?)

To Aragorn: Happy Birthday! Herbal Essences!

To Legolas: Um, you missed the orc...

To Gandalf: Fool of a wizard!

To Pippin: Here you go! One brain transplant!

From Aragorn: Hey buddy, sorry, but the White Citys toast!

Well, these aren't very good, but I tried!

~Hirilaelin

To anyone in Middle-Earth: That Galadriel is a right mutt isn't she?

To Galadriel:
That was a mirror?! I thought it was a erm...uh... toilet.

To Celeborn:
Gimli's hitting on your wife.

To Feanor:
Your head's gonna pop from being super inflated.

To Legolas:
Don't try so hard to look at far away distances coz your eyes meet when you overdo it.

To Luthien:
Snow White is prettier than you.

To Shelob: Bite me!

To Saruman: Oh, yeah? You and what army?

To the Balrog: Got a light?

Legolas: Ya know since you can walk on snow and everything why dont you carry a hobbit?
Gandalf: You need to trim your beard
Gimli: I saw the same ax at the village dump
Frodo:That ring will kill you, why don't you just give up and bury it in your garden?
Merry and Pippin: Why did you come? GO HOME!
Sam:You know you bug the crap out of Frodo right? He's only got you along because you can cook.
Gollum:You look like an idiot calling a ring precious all the time you ugly git.

well....i tried
[img]smilies/confused.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Aragorn, is it true what they say about elf girls being easy?

Pippin, you look after the food.

To Lurtz: I'm coming over for dinner - be there around eight.

To a cave troll: Anything longer than 2 syllables.

Here I go,

To cavetrol:Go away! You are to stupid to play chess.

To any Uruk-Hai: Actualy you are not a perfected form of Orc. Your just plain ugly and have the same brain capacity as a peanut.

To Legolas: Ehm Legsie. I was playing with matches and accidently burned down Mirkwood.

To Legolas: I was playing with your bow a little and....well....uhm......before I broke it in two peaces I accidently shot down Gimli.

To Sam: Frodo is a loser and you can't even put a plant straight in a hole. You really are a moron arren't you? Oh and P.S. I am marrying Rosie. HAHAHA so there.

Hope you like em.

Greetings,

Anuion
________
Kleemann

HAHAHAHA!! Some of those are really funny!!

To Treebeard: You know those cute hobbits? Yeah, well, they really just want to chop you and your friends down.

To Legolas: Your hair is on fire.

To Saruman: *eats Saruman and chews on him happily, and then spits him out* Oh, you're the real Saruman....I thought you were Saru-gum...(for more info, please visit here ...some day, I will get very rich off Saru-gum, and then I shall force Saruman to become my personal Saru-gum mascot and wear a pink costume.......mwahahahahaha!!)
(the rest of the Fellowship hears me, and they start grabbing bits of Saruman and eating him. The end. I've had too much sugar today.)

To the Nazgul: You're so cuuuuute!! I want you for a pet!! (Nazgul looks very scared, and backs away slowly)

Pippin & Merry: Have you heard that all the mushrooms in the world dissapeared?

Galadriel: You know that little bird bath thing of yours? Well, um, it kind of broke when I was testing my bomb in there...