Now at least to the discussion:
§17 Since we all wished to save Asgon from the cruse of Mîm and I needed a nonhomogeneous group, I changed "those" to "some".
§18 I removed Thingols first speech (and the § break). I think it is out of the picture that he claims the Hord so soon after he was scorned with it. To sent the Outlaws away with a share of the treasure that he wished Húrin to take with him fit the later Thingol much better.
§20 My addition of Asgons actions is based on nothing, but my feeling what he could have done. It is to risky I think. But as Aiwendil I think we have to finde a way to cut the fight between the outlaws and the Elves of Menegroth. At least my plot does not specify wether the outlaws took a part of the treasure or not and the fate of the outlaws is also left open.
The last statment are moved down because I wanted the end of
The Wanderings of Húrin here.
§21 The mound of Avarice has no function since as jet we have no slain, so the § is taken out.
§22 I wanted to keep the blood stained felling of the gold, and since no one in Menegroth had died, I changed the sentence to make Melian refer to the Elves of Nargothrond and their enemies.
§23 The simpler change at the end of this § is the one Maedhros has given:
Quote:
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§23 ... The value of that hoard no man could count, for amid the gold lay many gems, and these were very beautiful to look upon, for the fathers of the {Rodothlim}[Elves of Nargothrond] had brought them out of Valinor, a portion of that boundless treasury the {Noldoli}[Noldor] had there possessed.
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But at least "the fathers of" should go as well. For such a phrase there are to many Elves in Nargothrond that were bron in Valinor them self, like Guilin.
$25a & b Maedhros toke § 25 from the Q30: Then the enchantment of the accrused ...
I felt the need of someone too urge Thingol not to follow Melians device. And since Ufedhin takes that role in the
Tale I left him in it in these part. But I removed his strange history. I my version he is simply an Elf of Thingols household. I also removed his role as member of the smithcraft company that wrought the Nauglamír.
§26 Maedhros toke this § from the Sil77: In those days the Dwarves ...
§27 My first part is equall to Maedhros'. But the second part is missing in his. My plot was that the Dwarves would have taken the gold to Nogrod feigin to work on it there but were not allowed to do so by Thingol, who misstrusted them.
$28 Maedhros §28 reads:
Quote:
§ 28 [Long was their labour; and Thingol went down alone to their deep smithies, and sat ever among them as they worked. In time his desire was achieved, and the greatest of the works of Elves and Dwarves were brought together and made one; and its beauty was very great, {for now} [and it was called the Nauglamír (the necklace of the dwarves.)]{the} {c}[C]ountless jewels [were set on it] {of the Nauglamír} [and] did reflect and cast abroad in marvellous hues the light of the Silmaril amidmost ]. {Then Thingol, being alone among them, made to take it up and clasp it about his neck }TN**/[Yet alas, even had that gold of the [elves of Nargothrond] held no evil spell {still had that carcanet been a thing of little luck, for} the Dwarves were full of {bitterness} [lust], and all its links were twined with baleful thoughts. Now however did they bear it before the king [and clasp it about his neck], in its new-gleaming splendour; and {then} [great]was the joy of Thingol {king of the woodland Elves come to its crowning, and he cast the Nauglamír about his throat,} [but]{and} straightway the curse of Mîm fell upon him.]/{; but t}[T]he Dwarves in that moment {withheld it from him, and} demanded that he yield {it} [the treasure of Nargothrond] up to them, saying: 'By what right does the Elvenking lay claim to the {Nauglamír} [treasure], {that was made by our fathers for Finrod Felagund} [ of Mîm] who is dead? It has come to {him} [you] but by the hand of Húrin the Man of Dor-lómin, who took it as a thief out of the darkness of Nargothrond.' But Thingol perceived their hearts, and saw well that desiring the Silmaril they sought but a pretext and fair cloak for their true intent; and in his wrath and pride he gave no heed to his peril, but spoke to them in scorn, saying: 'How do ye of uncouth race dare to demand aught of me, Elu Thingol, Lord of Beleriand, whose life began by the waters of Cuiviénen years uncounted ere the fathers of the stunted people awoke?' And standing tall and proud among them he bade them with shameful words be gone unrequited out of Doriath.]
§ 29 [Then the lust of the Dwarves was kindled {to rage} [even more] by the words of the King; and they {rose up about him, and laid hands on him, and slew him as he stood.} [departed in anger from Menegroth.]]/
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But I found the first plot better were the dwarves them self would ask the favour to take the Silmaril into their work. For that we need the double smithing. And that is started here.
§28b & c The treasure should have more part in the narative. It is in the end the main topic. So, I toke all descriptions together.
§28f The direct speech of Ailios has to go ofcourse but the description of the Nauglamír should be included.
§28i - §29 I removed Ufedhin from the bargaining and switched his statemens to the Dwarves. Also the two parts of the work 3 month and 7 month is gone. But the invoice of the dwarves is unchanged. Even the maidens. I sticked to that idea remembering Gimli who was over found of Galadriel.
The addition from Q30 and the Sil77 bring the Version of the tale into accorde with the description of the Hobbit.
Respcetfully
Findegil
[ November 14, 2003: Message edited by: Findegil ]