VEGAN'S BEWARE!!! The following entry contains carnivorous subject matter. Dietary discretion is advised. The faint of heart or stomach should read no further! You were warned!
We ate Jill just before Christmas.
I found Jack & Jill (so named by the Mrs) and had them from an old farmer who was tired of feeding them, I suppose, for $10 US each. When Jack came of age, he tried dauntlessly to form a romantic attachment with Jill. Alas, as the post mortem revealed, Jill was far beyond the age at which coney's breed. And in my ignorance, I had merely thought her thin and poorly fed. I did feed her up nicely though in the many weeks in which we unsuccessfully tried to breed her. Now, Jack is lonely and perhaps this weekend I will go out to find him a harem. (Get it? Hare-m? Rabbits? Hares? Get it?)
Jill was tough and stringy, but stewed up nicely in the crockpot over time with some wine gravy. She was delicious! But remember, coney's do need to be young and tender for the best dining experience!
Meanwhile, as promised in another thread, here is my fabled recipe for...
MANFLESH ORCISH-STYLE or
SARUMAN'S SMOKED MANFLESH JERKY
One assumes that any sort of meat can be salted and smoked, but if there is a fat peaceful unsuspecting village nearby, why bother?
1 man/woman or 2 children (preferably live or at least fresh)
1 smoker (large!) or smokehouse
5 lbs salt
Lots of hardwood. Oak or Hickory are best.
First, catch a man. Elves taste better, dwarf is better than nothing. Small children are almost as good as elf! (For goblins who've been so deprived as to never have had manflesh, consider that humans tend to be omnivorous, like pigs. It is reported that "long pig" has that same sweet pork taste, only better!)
Dispatch the victim. Immediately strip carcass of all valuables. These steps are best taken in solitude, or else your mates will likely steal your ill-gotten swag while you are busy with the remaining steps.
Find uses for bones, skull, teeth, all of which make great trophies. Scalps are also handy and will impress your friends, though they can rarely be handed down to the grand-imps! Skins can be neatly taken off in large patches and used for stylish lampshades, clothing accessories, or as a wrapping for various things (see below).
Sweetmeats (don't ask!) can be devoured on the spot, if hungry, and are best eaten this way, since they do not keep long. Intestines and bladders can be used for chitterlings or sausages. Fat can be rendered down for other cooking, to be dribbled over dry maggoty bread, or even made into soap (what soap is used for, I'm not sure).
Slice the flesh off the bones neatly into thin strips. Rub with salt and hang over thin branches or skewers. Hang in smoker or smokehouse/cave.
Ruthlessly hack down hardwoods for your fire and smoke, even if dead dry hardwood can be gathered. (Evergreens impart a turpentine twang to the meat that some uruk-hai might prefer, but do not dare to serve such meat to the Great Goblin, or you will be served instead!) Chop wood into small pieces. Presoak wood chips, unless you use green wood (See, there's a method to my mayhem!).
Build fire. Place green/damp hardwood chips or sawdust (don't use pretreated pine, you fool, JUST HARDWOODS!) in cast iron skillet (used only for this purpose) and place on fire so that smoke fills your smoker or smokehouse/cave. The bigger your smoker, the more smoke you need. Try to use a smaller space, with the meat hanging close, but not touching. Not that I recommend this for conserving the forest, oh goodness no! It's just less work.
Tend fire and keep fresh green/wet wood smouldering for at least one day, if not longer. Nice thin strips of manflesh will cure even faster.
Place salted-smoked manflesh jerky into oiled leather (a great use for manskin). Place packets in bag and hide from slavering hordes.
Keep this delicious treat safe and dole out only to special friends who do your bidding. (Why, the whole clan will want to make you the Great Goblin after just one lip-smaking taste!)
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