[Rynoah, the Overly-Happy]

My heavens, that certainly is worth the long read! I am dying! Here's my attempt at a part two:

"IAN!" screamed Elijah as all of them bodily dragged him out of Mourn-ia. He sobbed like a baby, but who didn't shed a tear? After all, Ian McKellan had fallen into a pit with RICKY MARTIN, no less! What a terrible fate. But Viggo remained ever-strong and got to his feet.

"We will keep going, guys," he announced heroically as light shown down on him and a heavenly chorus sang psalms. Apparently the lighting crew and soundtrack choir was practicing nearby. "We cannot let this horrible tragedy keep us from continuing this quest!"

"... whatever," everyone else muttered, but they got up and trekked on anyway into the woods of Looky-Laurens. Inside, John Rhys-Davies got a paranoid expression on his face and hissed, "There is a temptress in these woods! Anyone who falls under her spell will forever be forced to take care of their hair and nothing else!" Viggo noticeably brushed a hand through his greasy mop self-consciously. Suddenly, who should leap out from behind the trees but many well-groomed, blonde folk, hairspray cans drawn dangerously. It was the Looky-Laurenites!

"You're all really LOUD!" shouted Craig Parker, waving his can of deadly hairspray in emphasis. "You woke us all up from a really good nap and now you're in BIG trouble." He took aim at Viggo, who turned a few different shades of pale.

"WAIT!" he pleaded. "We are on a quest to kill the Nazgirls!" Craig paused.

"Oh, are you? I've been having trouble from them myself lately," he muttered. "Okay, then. I'll let you guys take off." He waved and the Fellowship was allowed to go on through, but they ran into Cate Blanchett, calmly grooming her flowing wig in front of her "mirror". Elijah looked inside and saw his house burning down with many Nazgirls running away screaming, afraid for their lives. Then, he saw the houses of all his companions being dragged down under the weight of a hoarde of the Nazgirls and Nazboys and Nazgirly-girls. It was horrible! He fainted dead away and had to be carried a good way out. But as they got away and into the motorboats that were somehow left on the shore, they noticed John Rhys-Davies brushing his hair lovingly.

"What?!" he demanded, noticing their stares. They said nothing, just let him continue his grooming (it made him look better anyway). They motored down the river And-a-wind (which was, in fact, rather peaceful wind-wise) until they ran out of gas (apparently Viggo forgot to pack some extras). They parked it on the western shore and started wondering what the heck they were going to do next, when a familiar scream split the air.

"That's impossible!" Elijah screeched. "How did they follow us here?!" But he didn't get a reply, for at that moment, hoardes of Nazgirls, Nazboys and Nazgirly-girls came barreling into their encampment. In the struggle to get away, Sean Bean fell and was carried away on the shoulders of a group of drooling, screaming Nazgirls. His screams faded into the forest and he was never heard from again. Much to Billy's delight, he and Dom were also taken away and Elijah and Sean Astin were separated from Viggo and Orlando and John in the mayhem. Confused, Elijah and Sean swam to the eastern shore and continued on to Mordor while Viggo, Orlando and John decided they liked Billy and Dom better, so they went after them. And thus was the Fellowship broken.

(No, I wasn't one of the Nazgirls that took Sean Bean. Stop asking! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img])