If Gollum spruced up "The Fissssssh Song" enough, he could easily steal the contest. He's crazy, agile, freakishly thin, doesn't need contacts, and he's got that adorable accentuation of the letter s.
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"What mortal feels not awe/Nor trembles at our name,
Hearing our fate-appointed power sublime/Fixed by the eternal law.
For old our office, and our fame,"
-Aeschylus, Song of the Furies
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