Quote:
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He pulled out a lighter, and grinned as he began setting his office aflame.
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That last sentence set me into bouts of laughter! Thankyou! It's the first time I've laughed all day (but hopefully not the last)! It was just so unexpected. The story runs along peacefully, predictably, and then all of a sudden there's this terrifically vivid image of Denethor grinning insanely and setting flame to his office. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] Brilliant!
Now for a scenario of my own: [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
Faramir Stewardson had woken up that morning feeling unusually depressed. He hated his job. He didn't have anything against small children, but he wanted to do something better with his life than be the main attraction at the Sherwood Forest Themepark. He checked jobs.com to see if anything new had come up since yesterday. Discouraged, and almost late for work, he ran out the door.
"If only Dad hadn't left the family fortune to Boromir, I wouldn't be in this mees," he grumbled to himself as he drove to work. And sadly, it was true. His father had always favored Boromir, and had left the entire fortune to him. It was because of this that Faramir had to live on the outskirts of the Black City of Pollution, also known as Dallas.
"Why, oh why, did I ever take this job in the first place?" he muttered to himself for the thousandth time that week. Having reached the themepark, he went to go put on his Robin Hood costume. For that was his job: He pretended to be Robin Hood, and together with his "Merry Men" he went around Sherwood Forest Themepark to greet the small curly-haired children who came there with their parents. Decked out in Lincoln green, he went to the meeting place under the old oak tree.
Arriving at the oak tree, he met his colleagues for another day of re-enacting. Among them were Andy Borne, who pretended to be Little John, and Tom Bombadillo, who played Friar Tuck.
"Hi. It's about time you showed up," said Andy, seeing him approach, "I just saw a black squirrel! In Texas! Can you imagine?"
Faramir rolled his eyes. Andy's obssession with squirrels was not very well concealed, to say the least. It was always squirrel this and squirrel that.
Now, on with the work day. Hopefully it would go more quickly than yesterday, when they fought a mock battle with the Sherriff of Nottingham's men, and had to stay several hours after the park closed to treat accidental injuries.
Today was to be a normal day, thank goodness. Just prowl around and pop out from behind trees to greet the park's visitors, telling them they were invited to a feast, and leading them to the refreshment stand. Same as almost every day. Fun.
Around noon, however, Faramir realised that that day would not be a normal day after all. He smelled smoke and instantly grew suspicious. What could be burning? He took a few of his "Merry Men" with him to investigate.
In a glade nearby, he found something most unexpected. Three little kids were trying to start a fire. Two of the children had an abundance of curly hair, and the third had almost no hair at all.
"Hello, kids!" he exclaimed, pasting a fake cheesy smile on his face, "I'm Robin Hood, and these are my Merry Men. We would appreciate it if you didn't start fires in our forest. Are you lost? Can we take you to find your parents?"
To his surprise, the ugly little hairless kid hissed at him and ran away. The other two did not seem phased.
"Hi, I'm Sam," the stocky one piped up, "and this is my best friend Fred. Don't hurt us, because we didn't do anything to you. And don't blindfold us, either!"
"What is that kid talking about?" Faramir thought. "And where did the skinny one go?"
"Umm... we need to find your parents," he said out loud. "Do you know where your friend went?"
Just then, Andy came up to say that he had seen another black squirrel.
"That's two in one day!" he exclaimed. "Come and see!"
Faramir did not want to be dragged around to look at squirrels, but the children dashed off, and he had nothing to do but follow them.
"Why me?" he thought as he ran off, "Why couldn't I have inherited the fortune and own a mega-corporation, instead of my brother?"
Having reached a stream, everyone looked around for a squirrel. And there it was, crouching among the rocks. But this "squirrel" was none other than the skinny little hairless kid that had run off.
They had a hard time of it to get the ugly kid to join the curly-haired ones, but Faramir finally got them to follow him, with Andy at the rear to prevent anyone from running off. They then proceeded to walk throughout the whole park, searching for the children's parents. When they finally found the three distraught mothers, it was nearly closing time.
"Don't ever run away like that again, Sam!" one mother said. "I was scared half to death!"
"But
Mom, they had potatoes at the refreshment stand!"
"This job gets weirder every day," Faramir thought. "I really need to look into other employment." Having seen the children and their mothers safely off, he headed to the dressing rooms to change out of his Robin Hood costume. He had had enough for one day, and the park was about to close anyway.
Driving home, he reflected on his job options. Maybe he could work for his brother Boromir. But one thing was certain: he was turning in his resignation tomorrow. He did not want to have to dress up in a costume and take care of lost children for another day.
[img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] Faramir as Robin Hood! I can see it now!