The Choices of Master Samwise
Laying hold of his fishtank with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched buttocks, just below the tongue.
With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the fishtank from left to right he dealt another greasy blow. Quick as a crocodile Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his navel fell across his eyeball. The fishtank cracked and broke.
That was enough for him. splash from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by hysteria, he had made the mistake of splutter and wrigge before he had both ankles on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan since that horrible milkbottle had suddenly appeared out of the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy little more than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swpt up his bottle opener from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed, and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one bound like a wombat. Before sam could reach him he was off, singing with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.
I just found this thread, so I thought I'd have a go.
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