[Dark-Caranthir]

Here's a little something I found in the Tolkien Archives [www.tolkien-archives.com] , it really is quite funny... If you've seen Star Wars episode IV...

Strider: Aragorn son of Arathorn, I'm the captain of the Rangers. They tell me you're looking for passage to Rivendell.

Frodo: Yes, indeed. If you're a fast Ranger.

Strider: Fast? You've never heard of Strider?

Frodo: Should I have?

Strider: I've made the Gondor run in less than twelve leagues!

Frodo reacts to Strider's stupid attempt to impress them with obvious misinformation.

Strider: I've outrun armies of Orcs, not the local half-Orcs, mind you. I'm talking about the big Uruks of Mordor now. I'm fast enough for you, old hobbit. What's the cargo?

Frodo: Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two other hobbits with funny names, and no questions asked.

Strider: What is it? Some kind of local trouble?

Frodo: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Mordorian entanglements.

Strider: Well, that's the trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. Ten thousand, all in advance.

Sam: Ten thousand? We could almost buy our own Ringwraith for that!

Strider: But who's going to control it, kid? You?

Sam: You bet I could. I'm not such a bad Dark Lord myself! We don't have to sit here and listen....

Frodo: We haven't that much with us. But we could pay your two thousand now, plus fifteen when we reach Rivendell.

Strider: Seventeen, huh!

Strider ponders this for a few moments.

Strider: Okay, you guys got yourself a Ranger. We'll leave as soon as you're ready. Stable ninety-four.

Frodo: Ninety-four.

Strider: Looks like somebody's beginning to take an interest in your handiwork.

Frodo and Sam turn around to see four Orcs looking at the dead bodies and asking Butterbur some questions. Butterbur points to the booth.

Orc: All right, we'll check it out.

The Orcs look over at the booth but Frodo and Sam are gone. Butterbur shrugs his shoulders in puzzlement.

Strider: Seventeen thousand! Those guys must really be desperate. This could really save my neck.


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Bill. Ferny: Going somewhere, Dunadan?

Strider: Yes, Bill Ferny. As a matter of fact, I was just going to see your boss. Tell Saruman that I've got his money.

B. F.: It's too late. You should have paid him when you had the chance. Sharky's put a price on your head, so large that every bounty hunter in Middle-Earth will be looking for you. I'm lucky I found you first.

Strider: Yeah, but this time I got the money.

B. F.: If you give it to me, I might forget I found you.

Strider: I don't have it with me. Tell Saruman...

B. F.: Sharky's through with you. He has no time for Rangers who drop their shipments at the first sign of a Uruk.

Strider: Even I get searched sometimes. Do you think I had a choice?

Strider slowly reaches for Anduril under the table.

B. F.: You can tell that to Sharky. He may only take your sword.

Strider: Over my dead body.

B. F.: That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time.

Strider: Yes, I'll bet you have.

Suddenly the slimy Half-Orc disappears in a blinding flash of light. Strider pulls his smoking Anduril from beneath the table as the other patrons look on in bemused amazement. Strider gets up and starts out of the Common Room, flipping Butterbur some coins as he leaves.

Strider: Sorry about the mess.

[ August 18, 2002: Message edited by: Dark-Caranthir ]