[Kalimac]

Faramirette? Urgh, that would be one disturbed little girl [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] . Good thing it was a boy after all.

[The scene is set in one of those nice scenic half outdoors/half indoors rooms in Rivendell. Sam, and Rose are there - sorry, it looks like they wisely left their offspring at home with the Gaffer and Widow Rumble - they are sitting with Merry. They're sitting on furniture which is rather big for them and looking slightly awkward].

Sam (walking over to a balcony and looking at the sundial in the courtyard below]: Mr. Merry, you wouldn't have any idea when Mr. Pippin and the rest are going to arrive, do you? It's getting on towards dinner and we couldn't start without them.

Merry: Good grief, Sam, please stop calling me Mr. Merry. It doesn't feel right coming from the Mayor. I feel like I should be calling you Mr. Samwise in return, and that really sounds wrong.

Sam: All right, then, Merry - do you know where Pippin is?

[Enter Pippin, accompanied by Diamond, who is just beginning to show]

Pippin: We're here, we're here! Haven't missed any meals, have we? Is there anything to drink? Diamond's a bit tired, she could use a little freshener.

Merry: Hello, Pip! Here, I've got some miruvor which Elladan gave me this morning, it'll be just the thing for her.

Pippin: Miruvor?

Sam: You remember, the stuff old Mr. Gandalf gave us back when we were all trying to get over Caradhras.

Pippin: Oh, that! Yes, that would be wonderful. Can't think how I ever forgot it. Here love, try some of Merry's miruvor, you'll be fit as a fiddle in a moment.

Diamond: *What* is in this? I never heard of it.

Merry: Uh, uh, something...Elvish.

Sam: Elves are wonderful folk, Mistress Diamond. Any of their food'll put the heart back into you in a moment.

Diamond: Goodness knows why I should believe that, you all looked queer and thin enough when you came back all that time ago. Did Elvish food do that to you?

Rose: Are you saying my Sam's being deceitful? I'd drink that there miruvor before I'd drink any of those brews you make up, gentlehobbit or no gentlehobbit.

Diamond: Really? Peregrin, how can you let her talk to me like that, and in my condition?

Rose: I know more about being in your condition that you ever will!

Diamond: [gasp]

Pippin: Please ladies, please. [grabs Diamond lovingly by the elbows, while Sam puts his arm around Rose, who glowers]. Say, Merry, why don't you just give me some of that miruvor if nobody else wants it. [Takes several long drinks - as he's wiping his mouth a light rustling sound is heard and then a heavy thump. They look up and Legolas and Gimli are standing in the doorway].

Legolas: Well met again, my friends! But why so glum? My fearless brother Gimli and I [Gimli snorts] had thought to find warmth, cheer and refreshment, but here you all sit in a sulk. Is not the Shadow departed from Middle-Earth these ten years? Let us be merry!

Merry: I think you'd rather not be me right now, actually, I made a bit of a bloomer with Elladan's miruvor. Diamond here - Mrs. Took - didn't want any and there have - been - a few words.

Gimli: Ar, well, Elvish work does have that effect on the unaccustomed. [Slings pack off of his shoulder] How about some good Dwarvish beer?

[All hobbits react enthusastically. Legolas sighs and reaches for his own private bottle of Dorwinion Wine. After a few minutes of beer, Rose and Diamond are chatting companionably, and Sam and Pippin are getting the roast onto the spit for supper].

Merry: So, what's with you two lately?

Gimli: Not too much. Lord of the Glittering Caves is a great job but after a while it all gets to be too much paper-pushing and not enough hewing and smiting.

Legolas: They're one of the biggest tourist attractions in the region these days.

Gimli: Yeah, all those Rohirrim and Easterlings and Southrons all want to see them now. Did they care before? Of course not. But now that it's the site of a historic battle, they all want to come traipsing around. "See the Glittering Caves! See where Good King Theoden of Blessed Memory escaped during the historic battle." Not that most of them weren't good and sick of Theoden when he was alive - meaning no disrespect - but now that he's part of history they can't get enough. And they all want a share in the profits.

Legolas: Impossible to believe, but we actually saw a few Uruk-Hai the other day. Eru himself knows where they'd been hiding, but they came up to us, foul reeking creatures that they are, and demanded a share of the total profits accumulated by charging admission! They were at Helm's Deep - they said - and they claimed that without the Orcs, there would have been no battle and therefore no tourist attaction. Of course, Gimli and I got rid of them quickly enough.

Gimli: Ah, that we did [Eyes gleam as he pats his axe sentimentally].

Merry: So, not much going, really.

Gimli: Frankly, no. If those Uruk-Hai hadn't come in I probably would have broken my pen in half out of sheer frustration.

Merry: I know the feeling. I'm Master of Buckland these days - the old hobbit passed on a few years ago - and it's a good life, nice and quiet and comfortable, enough to do and all that, but I still can't help wondering if there's something else I could be doing.

Legolas: Have you a wife? Much comfort can be derived from companionship.

Merry: No, though Pip and Sam do, and they seem happy enough. I don't know, though. There's a hobbit-lass I'm rather fond of - Estella's her name - but I can't help thinking that if I marry her she'll turn into another Diamond. "Wipe your feet on the mat, Merry!" "Goodness, Merry, are you drinking that awful miruvor again?" "Meriadoc Brandybuck, don't you roll your eyes when I'm talking to you!" Come on, I didn't hide under Eowyn's cloak and confront the Witch-King so I could come home and put up with that kind of thing.

Legolas: Well, I would not give up so easily. What of fair Arwen Evenstar? Surely she did not become a common scold upon being wed. Why should this Estella change if she is not so now?

[a sudden blast of trumpets. A herald enters and announces "King Elessar and Queen Arwen of Gondor!" They enter, richly arrayed, then motion to the herald to leave].

ALL: Strider! Good heavens, I wouldn't have known you without the beard!

Arwen: See, Elfstone? I *told* you you looked much better without it.

[Elessar smiles and shakes his head, giving a "what do you do" look to everyone else].

Merry: A little more beer, Gimli? Legolas, you were saying?

[CURTAIN].

OK, best I could do at the spur of the moment. Thanks for reading [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img].