[Arwen Melian]

I went to Ringbearer.org and found some funny answering machine messges:

(Glorfindel): "Greetings, you've reached Glorfindel of Rivendell. I'm probably home,out of work, and sitting in my forest-view room throwing darts at a blown-up photo of 'Arwen' at the Ford. If this is Peter Jackson,I'm more than willing to show up with the other elves at Helm's Deep. The Pelannor? The Grey Havens, at least?! If this is Arwen, get your big feet out of the Bruinen and give me back my horse!"

-yes I know that was a little mean-

(Sauron):"Yeah, this is Sauron, famous Maiar gone bad. I cannot take your call right now as I'm very busy plotting the downfall of Middle Earth. State your buissness at the sound of the scream, or press 9 to reach the Nazgul. If this is 'the Mouth', don't forget to bring me a very large bottle of Visine upon your return."

(Gimli):"You've reached Gimli the dwarf. Due to a hasty, likely regrettable promise,I'm busy packing as tommorow I leave to go trapsing through Fangorn forest with Legolas.If I do not return, I leave my axe collection to my friends at Aglarond, and my most prized possession-Galadriels lock of hair- is to be given it's own shrine there. If this is Treebeard, PLEASE stop with the prank calls.If I hear one more chant of " the eyes, beware of the eyes!", and Quickbeam snickering in the background- I'M NOT GOING!"

(Gandalf):"You've reached Gandalf the Grey. To schedule a fireworks show please press one.For your free psychic reading,press two.For today's nugget of wizardly wizdom,please press three. If you are Evil or a Minion of Evil please press four. If you are a dwarf with troublesome Elf fixations, please press five. If you would like to be King of Gondor,press six.If you are currently in possession of an All-Powerful ring that could destroy all of Middle-Earth,please press seven. If you are a hobbit in need of a bit of fancying, please stay on the line and the operator will assist you shortly."

(Strider): "You've reached Aragorn, Heir of Isildur, also known as Strider, Elessar,1st King of the Reunited Kingdom,Thengal of Rohan,Elfstone,Telcontar,The Renewer,Longshanks,Ecthelion of Gondor,Wing-foot,Sweetche----BEEP-----

(The Witch King):"You've reached the Witch-King, Lord of the Nazgul. If you have any information regarding 'Shire' or 'Baggins' please leave your name,your whereabouts,greatest fear and a brief message,and I'll be there promptly.Unless you're a woman. If you're a woman take me off your phone list and stop calling!"

(Haldir):"You've reached Haldir of Lorien.I'm probably too high and mighty to talk to the likes of you , but there's always a chance. If this is my plastic surgeon,Friday is looking suitable. If this is a dwarf consider yourself snubbed. Leave a pleasing message at the sound of the word arrogant,including all the pertinant details...and I'll have to make a decision,won't I?"

(Treebeard):"Hroom! You've reached Treebeard of Fangorn Forest.Please leave a message,but don't be hasty.Speak slowly.Very slowly. Think about what you want to say very carefully. Don't rush.Spell your name,speaking each letter succinctly. I promise to return your call,however, I cannot say when.Hroom!Must not be hasty.Once I carefully think through what my reply should be, I will call you back,saying each word slowly,very slowly.......BEEP.....

(Sam):"Hello,this is Samwise Gamgee.I am currently at Bag End trimming Mr.Frodo's grass,hedges,and anything else he would like to have trimmed. I could be digging holes for Mister Frodo where I will plant lovely flowers that will make Mr. Frodo very happy.Mr.Frodo is the best master ever!if you are not Mr.Frodo don't bother to leave a message."

I'm tired of writing these things down so why don't you check out the humor section at Ringbearer.org:: Your Lord of the Rings news source, for more messages. I'm REALLY bored and could use a laugh, so post up some of your own original answering messages from a lotr character for me as soon as possible. Thank-you. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]