(Pippin): "Hello, this is Peregrin Took, but you can call me Pippin. I'm away from the phone right now. If you want to call me a Fool of a Took or insult me in any other way, press one and wait to see what happens (don't take the phone away from your ear, okay? It'll ruin the effect...) If you have already pressed one, and would like to know where a good doctor can be found, press two. If you have already pressed one and would like to sue me, press three...and wait to see what happens. If you have already pressed three, please press two."
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All shall be rather fond of me and suffer from mild depression.
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