[Lostgaeriel]

The voice-mail of BARLIMAN BUTTERBUR:

Welcome to The Prancing Pony—the Inn of Bree—Reservation & Concierge Services.
If you would like information about our guest facilities, press 1.
If you wish to make room reservations, press 2.
If you are a guest requiring concierge service, press 3.

[Press 1]

The Prancing Pony Inn is conveniently located in the quaint village of Bree, just off the East-West Road, approximately two week’s ride west of The Last Bridge (by the scenic route) and one day’s ride east of The Shire.

We offer comfortable man-sized suites for Men, Elves and Dwarves and cosy ground floor rooms for Hobbits. Ample stabling facilities are available. We have a large atmospheric common room, ideal for parties, conferences, story-telling, sing-alongs, dancing, magic acts, etc. Or if you prefer a quiet supper with friends, we have some nice little parlours. Our kitchen offers good plain food—very homelike. Our beer is always good—even the King says so.

Ask about our off-season room rates during of The War of the Ring.

If you would like information about Bree-land and nearby tourist attractions, press 1.
If you wish to make room reservations, press 2.

[Press 1]

As the home of the descendents of the first Men that ever wandered into the West of the middle-world and the centre of the oldest hobbit settlement in the world, Bree offers tourists a unique opportunity to experience life in a dual-cultural community. And with a steady stream of Elf and Dwarf travellers passing through, Bree is probably the most cosmopolitan locale in Middle-earth.

For those seeking a wilderness adventure excursion, there are many Ranger-guided tours through the nearby wilds, including The Old Forest, The Weather Hills and Midgewater. Those interested in sorcery, architecture, ancient history, anthropology or archaeology may wish to visit the Barrow Downs or Fornost or the ruins of Amon Sûl. If you are interested in any of these tours, please press 1.

Note that we can no longer offer river-rafting on the Bruinen; Imladris Tours now has the exclusive rights. We will be happy to put you in touch with them. Just press 0 for assistance from the operator.

If you wish to make room reservations, press 2.

[Press 2]

The Innkeeper will be with you eventually. Please have ready your credit card information.
...
Please hold the line. Your call is important to us.
...
In order to make the stay of all our guests pleasant and comfortable, we do have some rules at The Prancing Pony that we ask you to observe. …
Check-in is any time after four o’clock. …
Check-out is no later than eleven o’clock. …
All accounts are payable in full at check-out time. …
Any damage to pillows, bolsters, mats, etc. will be charged to your room account. …
In the common room we have a strict policy of ‘No shirt, no shoes, no substantial shape—no service’. This policy is not to be understood as discrimination against Black Riders; it is in accordance with the local health and safety code. Only hobbits are excused from the no-shoes policy, as bare feet are a custom of their culture.
...
Please hold the line. Your call is important to us.
... [While on hold, one can hear a recording of Frodo singing Bilbo’s song about the merry old inn.] ...
Please hold the line. Your call is important to us. The Innkeeper will be with you eventually.
... [The song about the inn continues.] ...
Please hold the line. Your call is important to us. The Innkeeper will be with you eventually.
... [A second time through the same song.] ...
Please hold the line. Your call is important to us. The Innkeeper will be with you eventually.
... [And again.] ...
Please hold the line. Your call is important to us. The Innkeeper will be with you eventually.
... [And again.] ...

[Press 3]


If you want Room Service, press 1 and Nob will come. If he doesn’t come, press 1 and shout.

If you need to hire horses or ponies to points East or West, North or South, please contact our Transportation Specialist, Bob, at extension 262 (B-O-B).

If you would like to use our Expedited Messenger Service to send a package or letter, press 2.

[ November 10, 2002: Message edited by: Lostgaeriel ]