(Valinor phone central) : This is the recorded voicemail by the herald Eonwe. If your business concerns rings, Sauron, manners of wizards or anything else of middle earthern origin please dial 555-Isengard instead. If you were trying to reeach a friend, mentor or relative on an issue of social nature then be informed you that due to our continents removal from the world, the phone number you tried to reach has turned into irrationalnumber. To reach any of the valar or vanayar please rotate your telephone 180 degrees and redial. BEEEEEP
(Mordor phone central) : If you have information concerning the little sentimental memento lord Sauron has been asking about, please press 1 and wait for nazgul to arrive. If this is a crank call, please dial 1 and wait for nazgul to arrive. If your business concerns war or diplomacy, please dial 1 and wait for nazgul to arrive. If you wish to grovel, please leave your whinings on a tape, lord Sauron likes to listen to the tapes while he is bathing. And remember kids, being evil does not mean you have to make sense.... BEEEEEP
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