I came up with this when I was IM-ing my friend the other day...
Saruman looks into the palantir and gets Sauron's call waiting:
"The Lord of Barad-dur is currently out destroying other civilizations and is unable to answer. To request an army, press one. To report palantir problems or theft, press two. To report information about the search for the halfling that has MY RING!!, press 3. If you are Saruman calling to whine about not having a ring of your own, press 9 and a representative will be sent out immediately to deal with you.
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The Hitchhiking Ghost
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