[good idea at the time]

Welcome to Cirith Ungol News. It seems that the strikes and controversey surrounding the Magical Land of Mordor will soon be resolved. The Mouth of Sauron today presented the leaders of the strike with this very promising letter:


"My Dear, Dear, Wonderful Employees:

But of course your requests are reasonable and fair. And why shouldn't you expect the Dark Lord to be reasonable and fair after all? Don't worry. I'll be sending eight of the Nazgul down to work out negotiations with you. (Stewart is currently occupied elsewhere.)

I have every intention of meeting with the leaders of your spirited little strike PERSONALLY to garuntee IMMEDIATE RESULTS.

I do apologize. I must have mistaken myself for an evil and terrifyingly powerful Dark Lord. I assure you I'll try my best not to be so silly in the future.

-The hopefully NOT Misunderstood Lord Sauron,
CEO of MiddleEarth Enterprises"


That's right folks, it looks like a solution will soon be met. Oh wait! This just in! Another letter has been issued. It certainly seems hurried.


"My Dear, Wonderul Employees:

I've decided that you all are so valuable, contributive, capable individuals that we're just going to forget about negotiations altoghether. You're right. Absolutely right. I'm not paying you enough. And you should have vacation time. And you will. But first we all have to deal with a little problem, or there won't BE a Magical Land of Mordor at all.

There has been an attempt at sabotage on our fine park. A halfling spy was found trespassing in our spider exhibit (alas! no ring!) and there is a rumor of there being an elvish warrior on the loose, inflicting damage on the poor, endangered species living there. I have a terrible feeling about this. All efforts to find the One Ring must be redoubled.

Friends, these malicious individuals threaten to put us all out of business, which means no park, no salaries, no benefits, no anything.

As a certain elf has recently left my services, I have a very high-ranking position open. The first one to FIND THE ONE RING AND BRING IT TO ME will be appointed to this position.

I assure you, once the ring is mine, you'll all have your just rewards.

-The Rather Nervous Lord Sauron
CEO, MiddleEarth Enterprises"