Here I go,
To cavetrol:Go away! You are to stupid to play chess.
To any Uruk-Hai: Actualy you are not a perfected form of Orc. Your just plain ugly and have the same brain capacity as a peanut.
To Legolas: Ehm Legsie. I was playing with matches and accidently burned down Mirkwood.
To Legolas: I was playing with your bow a little and....well....uhm......before I broke it in two peaces I accidently shot down Gimli.
To Sam: Frodo is a loser and you can't even put a plant straight in a hole. You really are a moron arren't you? Oh and P.S. I am marrying Rosie. HAHAHA so there.
Hope you like em.
Greetings,
Anuion
________
Kleemann