[Diamond18]

Oh, Kali ol' girl, you kill me with your parodies, you really do! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] I shall now endeavor to amuse....

Frodo and Sam realize that Gollum is stalking them across Emyn Muil.

Frodo: "We're not alone."

Sam: "Of course we aren't, Mr. Frodo. Not while we have each other, and not while you have Galadriel's Phial to remind you that you are loved. You know what Galadriel told me? She said, 'Sam, you can be anything you want to be, as long as you set your mind to it.' And...and I've decided that I want to be an Elf-lord. Do you think that's too much? She said 'anything'."

Frodo: "Of course you can be whatever you want to be, Sam. And don't let anyone tell you differently. Never listen to anyone else, ever, okay Sam? Never let other people tell you what to do."

Sam: "But what about Gandalf telling me not to lose you? And Galadriel telling me that I can be anything I want to be? And you telling me not to let anyone tell me what to do?"

(Director yells "Cut!" and tells Sam to stop nitpicking. Scene resumes.)

Frodo: "Never let other people tell you what to do."

Sam: "I won't, Mr. Frodo. I won't."

Frodo: "Anyway, when I said we're not alone, I meant there's someone following us."

There is some ominous camera work and music, while two glowing eyes blink behind a rock. Frodo and Sam approach catiously, and then all of a sudden...
...A cute, floppy eared little creature pops up from behind the rock and cries:

Gollum: "Welcome to the Emyn Muil!"
He prances around while Frodo and Sam watch in puzzled amusement.

The scene progresses with cute monolouges from Gollum, as Frodo exchanges pleasentries with him. Sam, on the other hand, become surly. He walks over to a rock and plops down with an exaggerated swoosh of clothing and clanging of pots. He utters a sigh and blows his bangs out of his eyes.

After much comic reparteeing, Frodo convinces Gollum to lead them to Mordor. The continue on, Frodo and Gollum giggling together as they walk ahead. Sam tags along behind, and Randy Newman begins to sing "Straaaange things are happening to me!" etc. As the song goes on, we see the Trio crossing the Marshes. Gollum rescues Frodo and Frodo scoops him up into an affectionate hug. Gollum smiles and cuddles under Frodo's chin like a cat. Sam is disgusted, and contemplates pushing both of them into the water. But he resists temptation. The trio leaves the Marshes and go to Ithilien (the whole thing about the Black Gate is trivial and unimportant, and therefore cut out to simplfy the journey). Frodo and Gollum frolic around joyously, while Sam again plops downs and blows his bangs out of his eyes. Gollum brings Frodo two rabbits, and Frodo receives them with a look of extreme happiness. Rabbits are the best food ever, you'd think from his reaction. The song comes to an end.

Sam stomps over and takes away the rabbits. This scene, ironically, runs much the same way it really did.

After they eat the coneys, Frodo asks Gollum about his old life. Gollum gets teary-eyed and starts to sing, "Where once was light, darkness falls. Where once was love, love is no more." etc. As he sings, we see flashbacks to him and Déagol (you guessed it) frolicking. Gollum sings "When he loved me..." (Think Jessie the Cowgirl). Then, it shows Sméagol and Déagol having a little tiff over who gets to keep the Ring. Sméagol keeps the Ring, but Déagol stomps off in a huff. Sméagol looks down at the Ring sadly, and then slinks off to a cave, where he plops down and blows his bangs out of his eyes. The song ends with a sad, "When heeee loooved meeee."

Frodo is crying. Big drops of water pour from his eyes and disappear instantly on his cheeks. Sam looks disgusted.

Frodo: "Gee, I'm sorry Sméagol. I didn't know."

Gollum: "I've felt so alone all these years."

Frodo: "I know just how you feel. Ever since my parents died I've been lonely, too. But I have my dad's pocket watch with a lock of my mother's hair in it, and sometimes I take them out and look at them. And I feel like they're with me. Indeed, Gandalf told me that they would always be with me, if I just believed."

Sam starts to sniffle. The scene degenerates into many recollections about their pasts, along with tidbits of wisdom told to them by various mentors. An hour later:

Sam: "And...and Pippin told me the if I count to 3 when I'm unhappy, it doesn't seem so bad...."

Faramir of the narrow glinting eyes appears, and kidnaps Frodo and Gollum. Sam somehow manages to hide. This, of course, means that he can rescue them from Henneth Annun, thereby restoring his self-esteem. But not without singing a moving solo, of course.

I am Sam,
Sam I am.
I can be whatever I can,
Be.
Yes, I am free to be me.
Because that's the best a person can be.
Even though I can be whatever I want to be,
I'd rather be me,
Because being me is the best thing in the,
World.

Faramir, of course, not to be outdone, is moved by Sam's loyal show of bravery. It causes him to re-think his life. This, of course, entails a heart-rending flashback sequence in which Denethor the Evil Step-father (don't ask) and Boromir the Evil Step-brother cause young Faramir to have serious self-esteem issues. The whole thing is resovled as Faramir realizes that he too can be whatever he wants to be, and he doesn't want to be a meanie.

He is seen waving goodbye as Frodo, Sam and Gollum walk off into the sunset. Never mind that they're heading east. Don't sweat the details.

[ January 09, 2003: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]