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Old 07-29-2003, 12:52 PM   #25
Regal Dwarven Shade
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: A Remote Dwarven Hold
Posts: 3,684
Kuruharan is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Kuruharan is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Kuruharan is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.

There was a long moment of awkward silence. This was followed by a longer moment of awkward silence.

"Well, on with the Quest!!" announced Merisuwyniel, trying to redeem the situation.

Seeing little else to do the Gallowship started moving northwards(ish).

As they passed into a forest the Gallowship began to notice a strange noise.


"What’s that?" asked Pimpi nervously.


"It sounds like somebody calling for Grralph!" cried Earnur. "I knew no good would come of accepting him into our company!"

"Buh…Buh…Buh…" stammered Grralph. "I’ve never been here as far as I can remember. I have no idea what this could possibly be."

"Oh, I think that it must just be the Puking-Men," said Kuruharan cheerfully.

"Oh them," said Orogarn Two. "I’ve heard of them in the dark tales of my people, but we refer to them as the Woozies."

"Hmm, the wind’s changing," said Chrysophylax.


*sniff* *sniff* went Vogonwë.

"PEEEEUUUUUWWWW!!!!" he screeched. "What is that dreadful stench?!"

Orogarn Two and Kuruharan kept their mouths closed and their noses firmly pinched shut.

"Who are these Puking-Men, who are also known as Woozies?" asked Merisuwyniel.

"They were Dumb-admen once," replied Kuruharan, in a voice that sounded like a duck with a bad head cold. "However, they rejected the ways of glitzy and squalid commercialism because it made them sick to their stomachs. Since Minus Teeth was the center of the great media frenzy of Muddled Mirth (or at least it was before an unfortunate accident befell all their marketing firms, shopping malls and advertising agencies) they fled the city to Pukestain Forest. Here they contemplate the evils of rampaging commercialism and their meditations make them even sicker. They would be absolutely delighted to learn of the fate of that city. It might cure them of their stomach ailment."

"Then wouldn’t it be a deed worthy of our great Gallowship to perform this service for the Puking-Men?" asked Merisuwyniel.


"Let’s not," said Pimpi, starting off in another direction.

"They’ll hear about it eventually," said Vogonwë, following Pimpi’s lead.

The rest of the Gallowship changed course to follow Pimpi without even a pretense of offering an excuse.

"I know what we could do," cried Kuruharan, after a quarter of an hour of aimless wandering.

"What’s that?" asked Merisuwyniel nervously.

"We need to go to the Hidden Hideaway," said Kuruharan.

"Why?" asked a dubious Merisuwyniel.

"How do you know about that?!" demanded Orogarn Two.

"Uhh, just because," answered Kuruharan, hoping that this response would cover both questions.

"Why?" asked Merisuwyniel.

"Because," replied Kuruharan.

So saying he and Chrysophylax stared herding (some might say pushing and shoving) the Gallowship off in an easterly(ish) direction.

"But…" said Earnur.

"No time for that or we’ll be late," said Kuruharan cheerfully.

"Ooof…Late for what?…ouch…" said Pimpi as she was herded along.

"For whatever," said Chrysophylax.

===Three and a half days (and one botched crossing of the Great River) later====

The Gallowship stood on a ridge over a waterfall of the Hidden Hideaway admiring the view.

"I’d still like to know how you found out about this place," said Orogarn Two.

"Guuuhhhh…" said Kuruharan.

Suddenly, a heart-stopping screech rent the air above them. Grralph looked up to see if it was one of his former business associates. All he saw was a dark mass that smacked into him and knocked him off the cliff and into the pool below.

"It’s a Nazgul, a Nazgul," howled Kuruharan.

Indeed it seemed to be, and some could not help noticing that it bore a certain likeness to a certain new recruit to the Gallowship. It was mounted on a smallish dragon-like creature.

"Run Away!! Run Away!!" yelped Kuruharan and Chrysophylax together, as Kuruharan hopped on the dragon and Chrysophylax took off and started flapping about in a distraught fashion. Bother with the fact that Chrysophylax was much larger and could have burnt the other creature to a crisp.

"Wait a minute," shouted Pimpi.

Everyone else stood there rooted to the ground.

The Nazgul swooped down and hovered over Merisuwyniel. All the pieces of the Ent that was Broken mysteriously jumped up toward the specter. Merisuwyniel frantically grabbed them to withhold them from the grasp of the enemy.

At that moment Grralph dragged himself out of the pool and looked up.

"Brrrobert!" he wailed. "How have you been?"

The Nazgul suddenly checked and looked down at Grrralph.

"Grrralph, old buddy!" it screamed. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"What have you been up to lately?" moaned Grrralph as he climbed the slope.

Brrrobert climbed off his dragon and went to meet Grrralph. "I’ve taken a new job with this odd cockroach character. He’s a bit of a weirdo; constantly raving about some lava lamps that were stolen from him. He also likes to giggle about how he escaped from the ‘Big Void!’ I think that means that he is a fugitive from a failed television career. Anyway, he told me to be on the lookout for some missing blocks of wood, and these are the first that I have seen."

"Interesting," said Grrralph. "Well, I just lost my own job, I’m having to do some freelance work right now."

"That’s too bad," said Brrrrobert.

"I’d better let you get back to work," said Grrralph. "I would not want you to get fired from another job. Tell Geeeeeorge and Ssssam that I said ‘hello.’"

"Will do," said Brrrrobert, as he climbed back onto his dragon. With that Brrrrobert flew off to the east toward the mountains.

Everyone, except for Merisuwyniel, glared at Grrralph with new suspicion.

"What?" said Grrralph.

"That’s settled then," said Kuruharan. "Time for us to be getting on our way."

"Now wait just a minute!!!" screeched Merisuwyniel.

"Later," interrupted Kuruharan.

"But…," began Earnur.

"No time for that," said Kuruharan. "Off we go!"

=====Three and a half days (and a more botched crossing of the Great River) later=====

"Here we are," announced Kuruharan.

Rrralph!!! came the familiar cry of a few days ago.

"This is right where we started from!" shouted Orogarn Two.

"Yes," said Kuruharan.

"Whighif…*cough*…*sputter*…You mean to say that there was no point to all of this and that we are right back where we began with absolutely nothing to show for this cross-country trek?!!!!" Merisuwyniel screamed.

Kuruharan just blinked at her.

"I don’t believe this!!!" Merisuwyniel bawled to the heavens. "Only the Crown Prince of Idiots would write into a story a stupid plot twist that dragged us fifty miles out of our way, put us into extreme danger, and then pooped us out again exactly where we started from without advancing the story one little bit!!!!!!"

"Indeed," said Kuruharan darkly.

[ July 30, 2003: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]
...finding a path that cannot be found, walking a road that cannot be seen, climbing a ladder that was never placed, or reading a paragraph that has no...
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