[The Saucepan Man]

The Saucepan Man had been busying himself at the buffet table, as only one could who had been at a party for three days without having eaten. Being a fictional character (and a children's one at that) he had no need to concern himself over the more mundane aspects of life, such as personal hygiene and visits to the toilet. The necessity for such things did not exist in his world. But food was a different matter. Fortunately, the rattle of his pans had so far successfully masked the gurgling of his stomach.

Sampling the Balrog Wings, he found them somewhat insubstantial, and he balked at trying the Dragon Steak, since a very much alive Dragon continued to hover in the vicinity of the bar. So, he filled his plate instead with mushrooms (which had been freshly delivered that morning from Maggot Farm), Ithilien Po-ta-to salad, and a helping of something called Ulmo's surprise, which looked to be some variety of seafood stew.

As he tucked into his overflowing plate, a frown suddenly formed on his brow as the scoreline "West Ham-1 Chelsea-0" inexplicably popped into his head. Although it meant nothing to him, this thought depressed him greatly for some reason.

No matter, his mood was lifted back to its normal cheerful state as he saw Diamond making her way across the Hall towards him. He watched as she approached for what seemed like an age. It was almost as though they were in completely different time-zones.