[Child of the 7th Age]

Returning to the Star, Cami quietly excused herself, went to her cabin, and locked herself inside, speaking to no one. She stayed there for the remainder of the afternoon.

At one point, Gamba came pounding on her door, but she told him to leave. Even through his haze and throbbing head, the boy thought he heard the muffled sounds of a hobbit crying.

When Cami failed to meet Andril for her regular healing rounds, the hobbrim went to speak with her. At first, there'd been no answer. But, after a while, she heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door, and then it swung ajar an inch or two. Andril pushed it open and went inside.

"Are you alright?" she whispered, taking Cami by the hand.

"I don't know. I thought I'd reached a point where I knew what was expected of me, and I was happy to do it. Now, I'm not sure."

She shook her head. "What a time for this to happen. Soon, I'll leave the Star. I'll be responsible for making sure the hobbits survive in difficult times. No one else here has that kind of burden. Yet I couldn't even get two boys out of an Inn."

Andril smiled, "Cami, it's a blessing, this thing you fear. The hobbits escaped Numenor and live. That's why we have this chance. Ancalimon would never have asked you to help unless he felt it was right."

"Perhaps, but I have no idea how to deal with Gamba."

"Gamba? That was a childish prank. And Kesha is a hobbrim. He's no better."

Cami shook her head. "Maybe, but it's not just Gamba. It's all of them."

"How do I explain this?. I know enough to keep us safe, but only if the hobbits show the common sense and caution I'm used to seeing at home. Sometimes, I think I'm back in the Tombs battling the guards."

Andril looked puzzled and asked Cami what she meant.

"For a long time, the Guards made our decisions. We had no choice but to obey. Now, we're free, but it's as if we lost a piece of ourselves, that ability to 'think like a hobbit,' to know when to stick our necks out and when to blend in and disappear."

"That's what I see missing in Gamba, and the others. When I told him to stay on board and tried pushing him out of the Inn, he had no idea why I was urging caution, and I don't think the others would either. The hobbits say they're free from the Tombs, so they can do whatever they want. Only life doesn't work like that, not in any Age."

"It's strange. Elves and Men pride themselves on their ability to think. But they really don't need it, not the way we do. They've twice our size and strength, and can beat down enemies with threats and weapons. We're the ones who must use wits to survive because that's all we have."

"In the place where I was born, the hobbits decided to ban Men from their community. The King couldn't even set foot in our lands. Since I have been on the Star, I have wondered if that wasn't too extreme. I began to believe that it was possible for big and little folk to join in friendship and common endeavors, with respect for each other."

"But now I am beginning to question that. Maybe, it is only on a haven like the Star that this can happen. Once we return to Middle-earth, as we are doing now, all the old feelings and dilemmas come back. Perhaps, the only way hobbits can be granted respect is to throw off the help of others who, however well meaning, make decisions for us. And, if that is so, then we must look immediately for a separate path, at least until the time when those things change."

Andril sighed, "I can't answer that. My own people are safe on Meneltarma, where no others dwell, so we don't have these difficulties. But I think you should wait a day or two before taking any action to make very, very sure of what you are doing."

Andril looked into Cami's grey eyes, which still held deep shadows. "There's something else, I think."

"Maybe," Cami replied, "but there's no good discussing it. It doesn't change anything, and I'll be leaving soon." She went to her satchel and began fiddling with her things.

As she fiddled, she talked, "I went to the Inn because I was afraid for my son. What no one understands is that, two days from now, the Man and the Elf and the shapechanger will be gone, so I'd better learn to do things on my own. Except for Piosenniel, I am older than any of the crew on the Star, and among my own people I am accounted a 'wise woman.'"

"Yet I manage to end up in a chain gang with two children whom I was trying to help, with the entire population of Minas Anor, and the Star, staring at me. I have seen many big folk blunder on the Star, or fail to carry out a task, but never has anyone been thrown into chains. Just once, I'd like to be twelve feet tall. Just once, I'd like to trade places and see how others felt." Her voice faded away.

Andril wrapped her arms around Cami, pulling her head onto her shoulder. "There is little we can do about that, and I'm sure it was a jest. Too many on this ship have given too much for there to be hard feelings. It will look better in the morning. But if you're still this angry, you'd best speak with Pio or Mithadan."

"Perhaps," Cami agreed, "although, right now, I am too angry and tired to speak with anyone."

"I do have one suggestion on your other problem. If you fear the hobbits have lost caution, and can't make wise decisions, the answer is simple. You must teach them."

"How could I do that?" Cami questioned.

Andril smiled, "But you already know, the same way you did in the tombs. You talk to people, have them listen to your ideas, and hear what they say in turn. Then you decide together."

Andril looked intently at Cami. "Have you talked with anyone besides Gamba about where you'll head along the Anduin? Or how you'll find food, or shelter? Have the hobbits started thinking about those things?"

"Cami, you complained when others treated you without respect. But aren't you doing the same thing? You're not the only one who bears the burden of hobbit survival. That burden belongs to every member of the community, and the sooner you share it out, the happier you and the others will be."

Cami looked hard at Andril. What she was saying, as far as it applied to her own people, made a great deal of sense. And perhaps Andril was right about the other as well. If she still felt this way tomorrow, she would go and speak to the Elf. And she would certainly need to talk with Gamba as well, once his head had cleared out a bit.

If things could not be resolved, one way or another, then she would have to think very carefully about the path ahead.

[ December 14, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]