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Child of the 7th Age · 09-20-2002, 07:32 PM

I've included a copy of the memo which I sent to Pio concerning the plot. As I said below, I may be the only one with these concerns. But I do feel that the suspense lacks a sharp edge at this point. We seem to know all the pieces in the puzzle, and we're just waiting for them to play out.

I can see the problem about the Elven ships. But how far out from Numenor are we, and how far out would the spy ships go searching for a single dragon? Wouldn't they more likely stay closer to shore? Indeed, they would probably be searching on land as well? How extensive were the sources available to Sauron at this point, with the fleet itself gone?

As I said below, I will edit out Sauron's awareness and leave the dragon's fall in as a backlash to push the dragon into the sea if people think this is best.

I guess I want more of a sense of suspense than we have now--the feeling that gee, we may make it or we may not. We've dotted every "i" and crossed every "t". We planned every maneuver to perfection.And I guess I'm feeling that nothing new or different is going to happen, so we're probably going to win. It's likely for example that we outnumber the tomb guards. (No one said there were hoards of them!)

Sauron can't come directly against us because of the hobbits, but Angara is a loose card. If this won't work, is there another way to get it i.e. the sense of going up against something, of something threatening us? Or perhaps everyone else thinks we should stick strictly with the planned rescue and fighting the tomb guards? In which case I should definitely edit.
_____________________________________________

Pio---If you feel Sauron's awareness of Angara won't work, I will delete (probably on Monday) and leave only the bit about the backlash throwing the dragon into the drink. But please read this first, and tell me what you think.

I do wonder if we are not too "flat" and predictable going into the rescue. There's no sense of having a real enemy coming against us except for the angst in our own heads. In most stories, you have some sense of two sides preparing for a contest. Since the hobbits and our enemy have been so hidden, we don't have that tension in the story. We've also had relatively little prior physical combat in the story to fuel this sense of tension.

If we're coming with a considerable fleet of Elven ships, would the guards at the tombs realistically pose a major threat? After all, Turo and Idril made it in to rescue the Stoors with only one vessel. There's no sense in the story of the tomb guards or anyone else making special preparations against us. I guess I feel there should be more of a sense of conflict, us coming against someone who's also consciously coming against us, rather than simply making a plan and carrying it out, and killing a large number of guards along the way.

Perhaps I'm wrong in this. But if Sauron's attention is not on Eru's mount, as you suggested in the memo, then this is even more the case.---no strong sense that we're going up against a real force of evil who is aware of us and is trying to eliminate us.

If there were 2-3 spy ships, we would encounter them in the rescue and immediately take them out. Conceivably, they could even be encountered on our way out of the tombs as we flee. Sauron would have no idea where along the coast the dragon would be--his forces would be spread out. As far as the hobbrim rescue, there's no problem returning to the ship without Sauron knowing. The storm has given us our protection. We knock out one ship and then come back to the Star immediately. So the only time Sauron would know anything would be the final encounter with the 2-3 spy ships at the actual rescue. And then it's too late.

If this won't work, is there another way to inject more of a sense of a "real" enemy in the story? The forces of evil are so distant that I'm having trouble sensing them. Perhaps I am the only one who feels this way? In that case, we should probably drop it and go as originally planned..

Let me know, and I'll edit accordingly, but probably not till Monday.

sharon.

[ September 20, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]

09-20-2002, 07:32 PM	#131
Child of the 7th Age Spirit of the Lonely Star Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 5,133	I've included a copy of the memo which I sent to Pio concerning the plot. As I said below, I may be the only one with these concerns. But I do feel that the suspense lacks a sharp edge at this point. We seem to know all the pieces in the puzzle, and we're just waiting for them to play out. I can see the problem about the Elven ships. But how far out from Numenor are we, and how far out would the spy ships go searching for a single dragon? Wouldn't they more likely stay closer to shore? Indeed, they would probably be searching on land as well? How extensive were the sources available to Sauron at this point, with the fleet itself gone? As I said below, I will edit out Sauron's awareness and leave the dragon's fall in as a backlash to push the dragon into the sea if people think this is best. I guess I want more of a sense of suspense than we have now--the feeling that gee, we may make it or we may not. We've dotted every "i" and crossed every "t". We planned every maneuver to perfection.And I guess I'm feeling that nothing new or different is going to happen, so we're probably going to win. It's likely for example that we outnumber the tomb guards. (No one said there were hoards of them!) Sauron can't come directly against us because of the hobbits, but Angara is a loose card. If this won't work, is there another way to get it i.e. the sense of going up against something, of something threatening us? Or perhaps everyone else thinks we should stick strictly with the planned rescue and fighting the tomb guards? In which case I should definitely edit. _____________________________________________ Pio---If you feel Sauron's awareness of Angara won't work, I will delete (probably on Monday) and leave only the bit about the backlash throwing the dragon into the drink. But please read this first, and tell me what you think. I do wonder if we are not too "flat" and predictable going into the rescue. There's no sense of having a real enemy coming against us except for the angst in our own heads. In most stories, you have some sense of two sides preparing for a contest. Since the hobbits and our enemy have been so hidden, we don't have that tension in the story. We've also had relatively little prior physical combat in the story to fuel this sense of tension. If we're coming with a considerable fleet of Elven ships, would the guards at the tombs realistically pose a major threat? After all, Turo and Idril made it in to rescue the Stoors with only one vessel. There's no sense in the story of the tomb guards or anyone else making special preparations against us. I guess I feel there should be more of a sense of conflict, us coming against someone who's also consciously coming against us, rather than simply making a plan and carrying it out, and killing a large number of guards along the way. Perhaps I'm wrong in this. But if Sauron's attention is not on Eru's mount, as you suggested in the memo, then this is even more the case.---no strong sense that we're going up against a real force of evil who is aware of us and is trying to eliminate us. If there were 2-3 spy ships, we would encounter them in the rescue and immediately take them out. Conceivably, they could even be encountered on our way out of the tombs as we flee. Sauron would have no idea where along the coast the dragon would be--his forces would be spread out. As far as the hobbrim rescue, there's no problem returning to the ship without Sauron knowing. The storm has given us our protection. We knock out one ship and then come back to the Star immediately. So the only time Sauron would know anything would be the final encounter with the 2-3 spy ships at the actual rescue. And then it's too late. If this won't work, is there another way to inject more of a sense of a "real" enemy in the story? The forces of evil are so distant that I'm having trouble sensing them. Perhaps I am the only one who feels this way? In that case, we should probably drop it and go as originally planned.. Let me know, and I'll edit accordingly, but probably not till Monday. sharon. [ September 20, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ] __________________ Multitasking women are never too busy to vote.