I have to agree that your friend needs to get out more, Lush. Whilst I don't like Aredhel very much, I wouldn't consider her any better or worse if she'd been a man: the idea that one sex has the monopoly on responsibility and selflessness is pretty daft to my mind. I certainly don't hold her singly responsible for the tragedy of Gondolin, because that already has a single perpetrator, namely Morgoth: he it was that destroyed the Two Trees; stole the Silmarils and killed Fëanor's father. Were it not for him there would have been no Oath; no Kinslaying and no need for hidden cities to be built in Beleriand.
Having said that, the fact that Morgoth created the situation in which their actions could cause harm doesn't excuse the likes of Aredhel, Eöl, Maeglin and Fëanor: their actions arise from considering their own feelings at the time above the welfare of everyone and everything else, including their own wellbeing and happiness. I agree that it adds a great deal to Tolkien's mythology that evil befalls the Noldor through their own weakness, rather than being simply imposed upon them by Melkor; that he invents characters who are petty, stupid, jealous and self-centred, and who bring destruction in their wake, but that doesn't mean that we have to like those characters. I certainly don't.
This brings me neatly to the following (no offence, Naaramare):
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As to the subject of Arehdil herself . . .the first person not guilty of doing something minorly selfish, raise your right hand now.
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Although my hand remains steadfastly down, I have to say that I don't regard Aredhel's selfishness as minor. Minor selfishness is something like pretending to be ill to avoid going to a boring family party, or eating all of the mince pies at Christmas. My view of Aredhel's actions is as follows:
Her refusal to take 'no' for an answer lays her brother open to accusations of nepotism, and a flood of demands for leave to travel outside the city, demands which he is bound to refuse, since a mass exodus would reveal Gondolin as surely as putting up a huge sign saying "we're here". These refusals could well lead to civil unrest. She doesn't consider what her actions will do to her city's morale: why should she? She won't be there any more.
That point is fairly minor when we consider the rest of it: do you think that Turgon received Aredhel's escort with open arms when they came back without her? I expect that their careers in his household were effectively over, but she doesn't consider what will happen to them: she wants to visit the sons of Fëanor, so she's jolly well going to because she's a princess, dammit; and princesses get to do what they like, right?
Then there's the issue of the destination. Turgon can turn this fiasco of a journey to the good of Gondolin if he can just make it look like an embassy to his brother and use it to gather strategic information; but that's not good enough for Aredhel, and besides what's Gondolin compared to seeing her friends? Just some boring people who cook her food, wash her clothes, groom her horses and guard her while she lives in ease and comfort. Just a dull big brother who never lets her do or have exactly what she wants, just when she wants it. How many of those dull, boring people of Gondolin would have given their right arms just to get outside on any mission? But they can't, because they don't have the status to go on fact-finding missions to the court of Fingon.
At every turn we see that Aredhel just wants to have her cake and eat it. She wants escorts and nice clothes, and to be treated like a princess, but she will not perform the remarkably light duties that come with the position. In fine, she thinks that the whole world revolves around her, what she wants and what she, for want of a better word, thinks. Minor selfishness is one thing, but Aredhel is just a spoiled brat who's old enough and learned enough to know a lot better. She's every bit as bad as Fëanor, although she does far less harm than he, and if this thread sets her up to be some sort of feminist heroine I shall be extremely annoyed.
I should also like to take issue with the idea that Eöl kidnapped Aredhel. True, he treated both her and his son abominably afterwards, but all that the
Silmarillion says is that
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And, when Aredhel, weary with wandering, came at last to his doors, he revealed himself; and he welcomed her, and led her into his house. And there she remained; for Eöl took her to wife...
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He may have led her to him through enchantment, but the text doesn't say that he forced her into his home or his bed. Instead it fudges the issue, as the quotation in my last post will show.
Lush, old thing: you mustn't sell yourself short: I'm sure that your "friend" wouldn't put her family and friends in danger just to go horse-riding (who doesn't fancy going to a Moroccan bazaar?) Besides, as you so perceptively pointed out, her position means that whatever harm she does herself will reflect on the whole of her city. Your point about it being a good read is the main issue, though: I may hate these idiotic Noldor, but I keep coming back for more of the same. Their beguilement by the very enemy they're fighting is a masterpiece of plot development.