[Kuruharan]

The very secret journal of Kuruharan, the son of Khoreth.

-140 days after pre/post-Durin’s Day-

After a day’s journey we halted for the night. The next morning Vogonwë insisted on a poetry recitation. Consequently, we did not get ready to go until noon. Eventually, everything was gathered together and packed in preparation for departure.

A party of Elves suddenly arrived. They made the mistake of mentioning to Pimpi that they carried several deer that they had recently killed and invited her to share some of it. And behold, everything is off and the departure can wait.

-141 days after pre/post Durin’s Day-

It has been determined to leave today. We made about two miles going in the wrong direction before we gave up for the day and made camp. We had a brief council and decided that due to the presence of Uruk-hai and Fangirls in the area we would not build any fires or make the least noise.

As soon as the council broke up my companions proceeded to do both at once.

-142 days after pre/post Durin’s Day-

We passed a party of woodsmen today. I wanted to avoid them, but the rest insisted on stopping and talking to them. The Woodsmen said that lately groups of orcs have been carrying consternation through the vales of the River. This is most disturbing.

The Itship was so distraught that they decided to make camp for the day and mourn for the souls of the departed. The time was currently 10:00 AM.

Due to the depredations of Pimpi, the food, which was intended to last us four weeks, is starting to run short.

-143 days after pre/post Durin’s Day-

Rations have been cut in half. This means that Pimpi is now cut down from Quadruple rations to Double, while everyone else eats half rations.

After proceeding in the wrong direction for a half-mile, we halted to make camp at 10:30 AM.

Later in the afternoon, several Uruks were found snooping around the camp. Seeing a chance to impress Merisuwyniel, Earnur and Orogarn Two jumped into battle. Both of them killed three. O Lando spent his time prancing around admiring himself in a mirror and missed the whole engagement. Vogonwë got all tangled up in his hair bow and fell helplessly to the ground, coughing up hairballs left and right. Pimpi dashed off to guard the all important supplies and was not seen again for half an hour. Merisuwyniel behaved oddly through the battle, running about and screaming something about how her ex-boyfriend’s buddies had tracked her down. Ignoring her, I shot two Uruks before the rest panicked and fled. Chrysophylax slept. The horses laughed.

Merisuwyniel screeched in horror and ran over to weep and pout over the bodies. She kept on saying over and over again something about how she wished that it could have all worked out.

I certainly wish that it could have all worked out too. Worked out in the sense that we should have killed all the orcs rather than incompetently managing to let most of them get away.

We had no idea what to do to calm Merisuwyniel. It was almost as if she was trying to recover from a really messy break-up.

Eventually, a gift from yours truly of a few revealing dresses, and several cosmetics sufficiently covered the dead orcs, loosened her throat, swept away the clouds that obscured the view, freed the tongue, made it possible to have ideas and plans, and generally allowed us to get on with the rest of our lives without Merisuwyniel’s blubbering.

It was decided that due to Merisuwyniel’s bereavement we would not travel tomorrow.

-144 days after pre/post Durin’s Day-

Half rations still. They will shortly have to be cut to quarter. (Pimpi’s to normal.)

To relieve their boredom Orogarn Two and Earnur argued about who was braver in yesterday’s battle. Their debate became very animated. They eventually took to chopping down nearby trees in order to show who was the more manly. Merisuwyniel, O Lando, and Vogonwë objected. Lively squabble ensued.

Pimpi slunk off to have a snack.

I rolled over to take a nap.

Chrysophylax slipped off to eat some nearby villagers.