[Elrian]

Originally posted by zifnab:
<STRONG>What really happened between Gandalf and Saruman in Orthanc-If written by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman & Zifnab.
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“Saruman”, said Gandalf, standing away from him. “ only one hand at a time can wield the One, and you know that well, so do not trouble to say we! But I would not give it, nay, I would not give even news of it to you, now that I learn your mind. You were head of the Council, but you have unmasked yourself at last. Well, the choices are, it seems, to submit to Sauron, or to yourself. I will take neither. Have you others to offer?”
“Yes,” said Saruman. “I did not expect you to show wisdom, even in your own behalf; but I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly, and so saving yourself much trouble and pain. The third choice is to stay here, until the end.”
“Until the end?”
At that precise moment, a great whirlwind with dazzling lights from all the spectrum started in the corner of the tower. To the amazement of the two wizards, out of the whirlwind came a gentleman-imposing, dressing all in black: black breeches, black velvet coat, black silk stockings; white hair, tied in back with a black ribbon. He was accompanied by an old man, with a flowing beard and hair, wearing mouse-colored robes, all topped by a shabby and sorry-looking pointed hat.
The old man was singing.
“Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, ninety-one bottles of beer on the wall,” the old man gave a sudden stop, and seemed to be arguing with him-self. “No, no, no, that’s not right, oh how does it go, ninety-nine minus three add four divided by pie,” “Oh the heck with this, I shall have to have a meeting with the people at AA to figure that one out! I wonder if we could met at a nice little pub, there’s a lovely one named Cheers, or so I’ve heard.”
“Excuse me, sir,” said the gentleman in black with a low voice, “but we are not alone.”
“Eh!” The old man gave a violent start, his hat slipped over his eyes, “Struck blind, by god!” he said in awed tones, stretching out groping hands.
“It’s your hat, sir,” said the gentleman in black, has he grabbed the old man’s hat and yanked it off his head. “Your hat, sir,” he said, waving it in front of the old man’s face.
“That’s not mine,” said the old man, staring at it suspiciously. “You’ve switched hats on me. Mine was in much better condition-“
“Excuse me, sir, but like I said earlier, we are not alone.” said the gentleman in black.
“Oh yes”, the old man said. His faced turned and twisted so that it resembled a menacing looking half-witted fellow. He eyed the two astonished people facing him with deep suspicion. “What are you doing here? Get out!”
The gentleman in black sighed a long-suffering sigh. “I don’t believe that would be at all wise.” “It seems, sir, that your directions, might have been a bit wrong. I do not think we are in the Labyrinth.”
“What! Confound that kender, I should have none he would have given me the wrong directions,” said the old-man.
“Pardon me, sir. But we have to get back to business.” said the gentleman.
At that moment Gandalf and Saruman, snapped back into reality. They eyed themselves with suspicion. “What is the meaning of this, and who may I ask are you!” said Saruman, struggling to get the situation back under control.
“Who am I, Who am I,” cried the old-man, “Why…I am a great and power wizard, who does not like to be questioned by a man who desires a shiny ring, bah, I say to you!” The old man reaches out for Sarumans hand and gives it a good whack. “Why I don’t suppose when this is all over Manwe will have a nice long talk with you, my dear sir! Neglecting your responsibility, eh. And you, my dear Grand…Gald…Gandalf will lead the people forth. Ring, Ring that’s all you fellows talk about, why I can get any ring I want, do you know why?”
After this statement the two wizards were rendered speachless.
“Because I am a great a powerful wizard,” screams the old-man, thinking that their silence was meant in fact to be doubt.
“All this ring will give you is DEATH,” cried the old man, shaking his head, “DOOM AND-ER-whatever comes after. Can’t quite think….”
“Destruction?” suggested the man in black.
Now Gandlaf being more wise in the ways of the elderly speaks forth. “Excuse me my dear sir, but my companion and myself seem to be at a lose. You see, you seem to know us, but we have no clue, as to who you may be. And what is all this about me leading the people forth, to where I may ask?”
“You know…forth and such, Tally Ho! And all that.” said the old-man looking quite sheepish. “As to who I am……”, the old man said with a puzzling look on his face.
“You don’t know?” the old-man asked looking alarmed.
“No, sir. You haven’t told them.” said the gentleman.
“Drat.” The old-man stroked his beard. “I was rather hoping you would. You’re sure you don’t?”
-Silence-
“Ah, well. Let’s see.” The old man muttered to himself. “Fiz-No, I can’t use that. Furball. Doesn’t seem quite dignified enough. I have it!” he shouted, grabbing Gandlaf by the arm. “Zifnab!”
“Bless you!” said both wizards at once.
“No, no! My name! Zifnab! What’s the matter, Sonny?” The old man glared, eyebrows bristling. “Something wrong with that?”
-Uncomfortable silence-
The man in black starts to tug on the old mans sleeve. “I think we best get going, sir, before you say something that your not supposed to.”
“Well then, as my esteemed colleague said early, we must get going, but Saruman, you must make sure that those Orcs of yours are put on leash and collar. Nasty little vermin, they are. Its starting to look like a dump out there. And what a stink! Makes you wish you were in Lothlorien in the spring time. But I guess those Ents will come and tidy things up a bit.
The man in black shakes his head. “You’ve gone and done it now!”
The whirlwind comes again to the tower, and right before the old man and the gentleman, jump in. Gandalf speaks up. “But Zifnab…….”
“Don’t call me Shirley!” the old man snapped. “My name’s…well…it’s…Oh, the hell with it! Call me Shirley if you want. Rather a pleasant name. Grows on you. Good-bye!”. The old man waves his hand in a peculiar manner and throws some kind of dust in the air, then jumps back in the whirlwind.

-Silence-

Both wizards blink and continue with their conversation.
“Until you reveal to me where the One may be found. I may find means to persuade you. Or until it is found in your despite, and the Ruler has time to turn to lighter matters: to devise, say, a fitting reward for the hindrance and insolence of Gandalf the Grey.” said Saruman.
“That may not prove to be one of the lighter matters,” said Gandalf.</STRONG>

Good ole Zifnab! You tempt me to read the DGC again, friend! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] All the others were good too. Couldn't understand the Deutsche one though. Westron seems to be the norm here.

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