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and he who was in the wrong to even request the ships
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He didn't just request the ships. As can be inferred by Olwe's answer to Feanor, Feanor obviously suggested that the Teleri merely give them a ride (in other words control of the boats remains with the Teleri the entire time) or that they help the Noldor or teach them to build ships of their own. After the Noldor had built the Teleri's city for them, it seems like a small request for the Noldor to ask assistance or guidance in a labor that they would complete themselves.
So Feanor gave the Teleri several other options besides letting the Noldor borrow the boats.
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it was he that initiated the killing
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Was it? He began manning the ships and the Teleri resisted with violence and then a fight broke out. Perhaps one of the Teleri was the first to slay another elf. But if you want to say the Teleri had to fight because Feanor was taking their ships, then we can play the cause and effect chain all day. Feanor had to take the ships because he was chasing after Morgoth. He was chasing Morgoth because Morgoth killed his father (the king of the Noldor) and stole his belongings. Morgoth was able to do this because the Valar let him out of prison. So where does the blame stop. If we follow the chain back, then it's all the Valar's fault (as Feanor seemed to believe, perhaps it really was a fruit of the Valar incorrectly bringing the elves to Valinor and allowing Melkor the weasel to roam free).
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and he was too blame for the actions that ensued
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The events are too complicated to state without a shadow of a doubt that these things can all be blamed on one single person (especially when there's the possibility that this person was attempting to accomplish the deed that Eru had purposed for him and put into his heart).
[ July 01, 2003: Message edited by: the phantom ]