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Crystal had no intentions of making Atharen feel so akward. She had tried to compose her self, but it had been so hard. She hadn't meant to stiffen at his touch. She found it warm and kind, unlike the way she felt when Arty had held her. Now she was standing, watching his deep eyes and wondering if there would be a way to make this work. She was also holding his hand, a gesture that was so different then anything she had encountered before.
"Do not apologize for trying to comfort me. I have gone through much and I am not sure how much my heart or mind can take any longer," Crystal confessed as she finally dropped her gaze. She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Atharen about her former love, the man that her father had killed. She wasn't sure she wanted to go into the entirity of her beatings. She wasn't sure she wanted to relive a moment of her life. The only moments that were pleasant where her moments with the kinder people of her city and now Atharen. She couldn't stand to tell him that she had loved another, couldn't stand to think that he was just a replacement for Arty. She didn't want any thought to rise in his mind that he was nothing more then a pick up guy in her mind.
To reveal all of this, to reveal every thought that was running through her head would take time. Time wasn't exactly on their side. She also didn't want to start out with her only male ally to feel alienated and fearful of the thoughts that were fluttering through her head like a thousand wonderous butterflies.
Yet her heart burned for him to know the fact that she wasn't against him or found what he did offensive. It was one of the few things that were keeping her sane at the moment. She couldn't promise the next few moments would stay the same, but she hoped so. She wanted so much for him to see who she was.
What she was was far more then anyone had ever imagined or even dared to find. Behind her rough and tough attitude, beyond her bravery and her courage there was a woman that yearned for gentle kindess. A woman that wanted to be held against the monsters in her head. A woman that soft, gentle, and kind. A woman that loved deeply until it hurt. A woman that doubted herself worth.
No one had told her her self worth. The men in her life never found it important, even Arty. Atharen was so different then Arty. So pure, so amazing that she wasn't sure if she could ever measure up to him. He was a perfect gentleman. What could she ever offer him? Pleasure? Happiness? Contentment? What could she possibly ever give him. What could she possibly have that he could want.
"I am dealing with memories that are hard to look back upon and haunt my very soul. I was beaten, my dearest friend killed, and have been on the run for some time," Crystal blurted out softly, her voice barely a whisper in a wind. Her eyes came back up and locked with his, unaware of anything else in the world and only hoping that there could be a way that he loved her.
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