I don't hold with all this talk of shoes and the like. It's not proper and a young hobbit might get ideas.
Now I have had about enough of these suggestions about us Eastfarthing hobbits and our boots. It is well known that we only keeps them for the spring rains and who could blame us? I listened to my stories as a young hobbit and even that nine fingered Frodo didn't much like putting his feet into slime and muck. I daresay if there had been some boots on that journey of his he would have put them on once or twice. Not that we like our boots mind you or that there is anything more to it than slime. We put them away for the summer as soon as may be. Whatever those queer Bucklanders who read your book may say about us plain folk, we take them off at the doorstep always and never wear them into the house.
You should know that if our wives happen to see us with our boots on and for dinner there should happen to be a large plate of our favorite mushrooms--well, that can't be helped. Mushrooms thrive in the muck as everyone knows. And it is well known that mushrooms make a hobbit sleepy and if we should go to bed early on those muddy nights there is nothing more to raise your eyebrows at. Even that nine fingered Frodo as you think was so fine would have agreed. So I'll have no more of this nasty talk about us in the Eastfarthing. It's bad enough your slander of the whole Southfarthing. I am starting to think your intentions are no good at all.
Hoping you never need YOUR boots,
Olgo Hornthrottle
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