[Kransha]

I assume this is both movies and books, yes? I see more movie-induced productions, so I'll temper it all with a fair amount of lit. and Sil[marillion]ly stuff, as follows:

1. When faced with a balrog, use your head.
2. When killing dragons, make sure he's hovering over an evil citadel.
3. Dancing on tables is a recipe for disaster.
4. When in doubt, call your foe a 'dwimmerlaik' and nothing can go wrong.
5. Spiders are traitorous, eat or be eaten
6. Whatever you're the master of, it'll master you eventually.
5. Mariners are underrated.
7. Bridges will never be made of wood, and will often be dangerous and crumbly.
8. Never stand under a big ol' evil thing. Something will squash you.
9. People alive 10,000 years after you will invariably steel your name.
10. Hidden kingdoms don't stay hidden forever, so keep your swords handy.
11. Singing is helpful, but you have to be female, and VERY beautiful.
12. Petty-dwarves are petty dwarves.
13. Numenoreans are like Golphers. They sink into the earth, but pop up occasionally, when needed.
14. If at first you don't succeed, go east and be completely forgotten.
15. Worms come in three servings, fiery, cold, and without wings on the side.
16. Swords might speak sometimes, but only when most innappropriate to do so.
17. Who cares if Balrogs can fly or not, they're dang fast!
18. Trees, stars, and silmarils will get you nowhere. Go for jewelery.
19. Sauron likes wrestling, watch out for the immolation, though.
20. Having a noticeable family resemblance would've helped Turin a lot.
21. Hurin slew a slew of trolls, but the slewed slew slew him too.
22. Columbus was wrong, for a fixed amount of time.
23. Trickssy, nassty dragonses! It's all in the eyes, dontcha know.
24. Vampires are a good for UPS service, but don't underestimate their fashions.
25. Wolfhounds are a man's best friend, and Melkor's worst nightmare.