If I were movie Denethor, I'd go to Gandalf to ask him how I might turn myself into a vampire. Denethor seems like he'd make an excellent vampire, because he overdramatizes everything, looks like death, and eats in such a way that you can just about fancy seeing blood running down his chin.
If I were Pippin, I would've sung a very obnoxious drinking song to Denethor in order to aggravate the holy hell out of him. Perhaps this would annoy Big D to the point that he chokes to death on his food.
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"No food, no rest, nothing for Smeagol," said Gollum. "He's a sneak."
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