Heh heh, it's mildly amusing. Regarding the thing about "gold: the stretchy element," I am reminded of Isildur writing in his scroll "The Ring misseth, maybe, the heat of Sauron's hand, and it has cooled even as I write and it seemeth to shrink," to paraphrase.
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"When you talk, people can't tell if you're spelling the words right."
Sister of The Elf Warrior
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