[Nurumaiel]

Last year I might have said left without thinking, because while I loved life here and now I wanted adventure. Last year I wasn't contented with the way I lived. It was all right, but I either wanted to go wandering the roads or just up and die and go to Heaven. I didn't want to stay where I was.

To live in the Shire would fulfill every dream of life I've ever had... green hillsides and little roads that wander to a friend's house(/hole), and perhaps a little farm of my own with some chickens and cows. Abandon all technology and find my entertainment in the whistling of the birds. I would go at a moment's notice, except I could not come back. And I know I'd regret it for all of my life.

The sufferings of this world? Faith, the sufferings of this world are what made me love life. Not just because of the aftermath of the sufferings, when peace could be known once again and you would realize with a shock just how many people had cared enough to help you, but in the sufferings themselves. And I don't really know why; I merely have vague guesses. And doesn't Middle-Earth have sufferings too?

I would have to leave almost everyone I loved. I could take a few with me, as it's been said, but fairly everyone I've really met and known has been a dear friend to me, and I would hate to leave any of them behind.

Again, the sufferings of this world. I would suffer all the sufferings if I could have one of the joys, because they are by far more sweet than the sufferings are painful. I taught myself to find joy in the simplest little things and I found joy everywhere. I found joy in a smile from a little boy, something I otherwise would have carelessly tossed aside. And so I have enough beautiful little joys in this world that I can do without the joys of Middle-Earth.

Lack of adventures for me? Never! That's what I thought last year. Everything is an adventure here, I just have to look and see it. Do I really want an adventure that involves running about with a sword nearly getting my head hacked off by orcs? No, of course I don't! Perish the thought. In a few minutes I'll be walking out into the open of the house and children will be bustling everywhere demanding I do this and that with them, and I'll have the adventures of romping with them, perhaps cooking for them, or working on the dress that needs to be sewed, or that knitting, or maybe just a quiet ramble outdoors. Those adventures aren't only more enjoyable and simpler than narrowly avoiding getting your head hacked off, but they're more exciting because the happiness lets the excitement show. If an orc was running after me with a blood-stained battleaxe I'd be in dread terror and wishing I was home, not thinking how adventurous and fun and exciting it was.

Most important point of all, I'm a Roman Catholic... to leave this world would be to leave the most beautiful things of that Faith. I could still be a Catholic in Middle-Earth but I couldn't practice my Faith. The inhabitants of Middle-Earth would eventually hate me because I was such a gloomy sort of person, not having received the Eucharist in ages. I suppose I could drag along a priest, but what happens when he dies? And what if God wanted me to be a nun? Where would I find a convent?

Oh yes, the little joys of this life. Little joys that can't be found in Middle-Earth. Seeing the sun rise over these trees and these hills and thinking of what adventures I'll have at this house; watching the lads win a baseball game and being happy because they are; anticipating when we'll see childhood friends again whom we haven't seen for years, friends who couldn't possibly be in Middle-Earth; finally achieving friendship with the squirrels that have been avoiding you, the squirrels called Tipp, Fenian, Kerry, Derry, and that wicked lovable squirrel who I shall not name, squirrels that aren't in Middle-Earth; returning from a day at San Francisco to see houses melt away into woodlands and wilderness and feel the delightful, happy little thrill that you're home. To go to Middle-Earth would mean never to feel the happiness that I'm home again. I'd regret it forever and ever if I didn't go right.

Besides, what would become of my two baby brothers if I were to leave? They don't have the medical equipment at Middle-Earth that my brothers needed to actually survive. What if the little lad had another liver rejection. What if another baby was born with the same problems and couldn't get a transplant? The lad just barely survived as it is; in Middle-Earth he wouldn't have had the slimmest chance, bar a miracle more extreme than the one that already took place with all the equipment and highly-trained doctors here.

I love my life, with all its sufferings. A darling little baby was born this morning and if I had lived in Middle-Earth my family couldn't have been contacted to be told the beautiful news. I'm too happy here to live in Middle-Earth. I'm not through with this world yet. There are too many places to go, too many people to meet, too many things to see. Too much love and happiness to completely leave behind.

I'd go right.