[Diamond18]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

Mithalwen, you touch upon a subject not yet discussed at the Thread. What of the aged Wargs? In which ways do they weaken with the years?

Funny you should ask. In my ongoing quest to answer the question, "Are Wargs Immortal?" I have recently been traveling the world over, searching dark alleyways, old libraries, rock concerts, and fishing festivals, for clues to the natural life span of the Warg.

Due to the Warg's often dangerous and sometimes evil lifestyles, many die in ferocious battles before getting a chance to live to a Ripe Old Age. And most of the old tales focus on such Wargs; the deviants, the adventurers, the war-lords, and the tragic heros. Therefore, it is quite difficult to read up on the ones who go quietly in their sleep (if they indeed die without the help of blade or tooth or TNT). But I endeavored to do so, and here are my findings:

1.

In modern days, Wargs are extremely rarely seen. This fact has been established by many of our resident Warg Enthusiasts. I have discovered that the reason for this dwindling of such a magnificent species is none other than that they have lost the Warg-Wives.

Yes. I was in Mongolia at the time I learned this, rooting through an archeological dig in a cave once believed to be inhabited by Mongolian Warg-Rats (a derisive term for the local Wargs, who are considerably smaller than your average Warg. However they are just as, if not moreso, ferocious than other Wargs. So I would not call them that to their faces.) I found an ancient document which I spent many days translating from the Ancient Wargish. I have the first stanza done, and it goes thusly:

Where have all the Warg-Wives gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the Warg-Wives gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the Warg-Wives gone?
Damned if I know. Anyone?
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Needless to say, I was tickled pink to have come across one of the only known documents of Angsty Warg Poetry. But before I go off making broad, definitive statements about the status of Warg-Wives, I should point out that it is unclear whether or not this was a widespread occurance. This may simply have been an event particular to the Wargs of the Mongolian plains, or the pack which lived in that one cave, or maybe the Warg who wrote the poem had been married lots of times. It is hard to say. I just know that the poor fellow was depressed, because some other documents found nearby contained such heartfelt laments as I Can't Get No Red Meat 'r Nuthin', I Howl When the Moon Isn't Even Full and I Wanna Be Domesticated.

Frightening to see a Warg fall so low. But I hear those Mongolian winters are nasty.

In summation of Point 1, the reason you have had such trouble sighting Wargs may be simply because they have little in common with rabbits, these days.

2.

If we speculate that the Wargs haven't got no satisfaction for a really long time, we would then have to formulate an explanation for why there are any left at all. Ruling out reproduction leaves only one obvious answer: Long or Infinite Life Spans. But which is it?

3.

After my Mongolian Adventure, I took my private jet to the Canary Islands in pursuit of a rumor that told of a Wargish Retirement home, where old Wargs sit on the front porch under afgans and reminisce about the Good Ol' Days. This would surely be conclusive evidence that Wargs age naturally (and therefore die naturally) so it was with great anticipation that I advanced upon the Islands. However, when I got there I found that it had all been a hoax and I ended up on the front page of the Canary Singer as their "Cuckoo of the Month". Needless to say, this ruffled my feathers.

4.

Regrouping, I went to Hawai'i and drank wine coolers with a Swedish Surfer Dude name Sven.

Er.

Actually, I went to Hawai'i with the express purpose of looking up Kakua Wakaka, the leading Polynesian Warg Enthusiast. I had heard from a sympathetic Canarian that K.W. houses a modest yet enthusiastic collection of little known Warg Tales, and I figured that even if that information proved futile I would at least be in Hawai'i!

As it turned out, however, K.W. and his Warg Library do exist. He graciously allowed me to pour over his documents, wine cooler in hand, and there I discovered the Single Most Fascinating Fact about Wargs that has, I believe, been shared on this thread to date!!!!!

It is a tale called Encyclopedia Brown and the Origin of Wargs and I will share it just as soon as I finish transcribing it from the ancient Polynesian Wargish.