[Encaitare]

Ugh. No, Merry and Pippin don't get on the ship, BUT NEITHER DOES CELEBORN! Can nobody see this! Gaaaahhhh!!!!

Yup, and Cirdan didn't have a beard in the movie, either. I was *looking* for a beard, and was disappointed, because Cirdan is one of the coolest characters ever. But I suppose people would have been all, "Wha? How come he has a beard and none of the other elf-people do?" and "Wait... if Galadriel and Seleborn are married then where's he? Why isn't he going with her?" The only thing worse than people saying "Celeborn" like there's an S instead of a C is when people say "Izzle-door." *pukes*

But the worst annoying amateur was a Mary-Sue writer on ff.net. She was terrible. She kept saying that she had read the books "like 100 timez" and memorized all of Legolas' lines so she should be entitled to write a fanfiction. She misspelled the name of every canon character (except Sam), and her MS's name was Jyessicah. This is still a running joke among my friends. Just say it... Jyesssssicaaaahhhh.... Someone emailed her a bunch of questions to test and see if she really did read the book, and here's the Q&A:

Hey, this is Lady Lanet, who just read your review. I thank you for
reviewing and telling this girl that her story is awful. Actually, I
sent her some questions about the book. Boy did she screw up!!!!

Here are the questions:


Hey, this is Lady Lanet, the girl who reviewed your story today, and
I'd like to say, TAKE IT OFF!!!!!

This is a disgrace to Tolkien. The poor man put his heart and soul into
the books and now your butchering it!!!! Hey, and you've read the
books, right (Sure.) Lemme ask you some questions.

Before Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin reach Bree and The Inn of the
Prancing Pony, who do they meet? *Not Farmer maggot.*

Who saves Frodo at the river, and is NOT Arwen (Proper spelling.)

Who solves the Moria Puzzle at the door?

How does the Fellowship meet Galadriel? (The really pretty Elf lady in
the white robes. She has the mirror.)

Who goes with Frodo to the Mirror of Galadriel?

In which book does Boromir die? Fellowship or Two Towers?

Thank you. Please email me back
as soon as possible. I'm just trying to help!


And here are the answers:

I have read the books! Lemme answer these ?s....their really easy!!!
Youll see how good @ lotr cannon I am.................

ok.....


They meet Marry and Pippin! In the field.

Nice try!!! But Arwen DID save Frodo!!! She sent the water-horses @ the
Ringraiths!

Jyessicah will solve teh Moria Puzzle!!!!! lol

She sends peeps (Haldeer!) to fing them and talks too Frodo in his
head!!!

Duh! Frodo goes with no one but Galadreil!

Boramir dies at the end of fotr!!!! (i cryed did u? even tho he was BAD)

See! I've read teh books!

And here are my answers:

Hey! You answered every thing MOVIE VERSE!!! HE-LOH!!! Okay, lemme give
you the answers to the questions from the book.

Frodo, Merry, and Sam meet Gildor, an elf of Rivendell (But he also
might be of Loien origin). You can look this up on page 88 of
Fellowship. Then they meet Merry in Farmer Maggots field. Then the four
of them meet Tom Bombadil, and Goldberry, daughter of the river.

Umm.... Jyessicah.... nice try, but an ELF MAN saved Frodo. His name is
Glorfindel, advisor of Elrond. And to keep the weight down, he sent
Frodo ALONE to Rivendell. At the Fords of Buerian (SP), Frodo's horse
is terrified and won't run anymore to escape the Ringwraiths. Elrond
and Gandalf summon the water and water horses. You can find this
information on pages 236-242 of Fellowship.

Gandalf himself solves the Moria Door puzzle, not Frodo, not Jyessicah,
but GANDALF!!! Merry helps a little too.....

Yes, you answered half way right. But only half. Haldir (Correct
spelling.) and his brothers, Rumil and Orophin are border guards.
Making sure that no orc nor uruk gets through to their home and the
Lady of the Wood. At that time, only Aragorn and Legolas know who the
Lady really is (Gimli has a big mistrust of elves, so he does not know
the fair ladies name.). Haldir and company lead them into Caras
Galadhon, where they meet Lord Celeborn of Doraith (If you've read the
Silmarillion *Curse my horrible spelling!* you know what that is.) and
Lady Galadriel. You can find this information on pages 384-399.

Sam goes with Frodo to the Mirror. Sam looked in first, then Frodo.
Afterwards (And Galadriel yelling 'DON'T TOUCH THE WATER!!' ),
Galadriel shows them her own ring, Nenya, the ring of water. You can
find this on pages 400-411.

Boromir dies at the end of Fellowship of the Ring ThE MOVIE!!! he dies
in the beginning of Two Towers. That is followed by the longest chapter
in Tolkien history, THE RIDERS OF ROHAN!!! And Boromir wasn't bad. He
just in believed in his country, like most Gondorians do. The only
reason that he tried to take the ring was that he wanted to SAVE IT
FROM DESTRUCTION!!! Hey, Aragorn almost took the ring, just like
Boromir. Boromir wasn't bad at all! he cared deeply for his little
brother Faramir, even tried to protect his from his father. I must say,
why do you think Boromir was bad?

Thank you.

Lady Lanet,

Lore Master of Middle Earth,
Advisor of Elrond,
Keeper of Agelos, Narsil, and Hadhafang.

But thank you again. Reply if you wish

Oh, how delightful. And *that* my friends is the most annoying amateur I have ever had the pleasure of flaming. And I never ever flame; I think it's mean. But this I made an exception for because she was so ignorant, and refused to believe that maybe the people reviewing and trying to correct her nicely were right. Blugh.