I have no problem with:
Quote:
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A <BT rumour {of his words} was whispered among the {Elves}[Men] of the West>, that thus spake Mandos in prophecy, when the Gods sat in judgement in Valinor {, and the rumour of his words was whispered among all the Elves of the West}. When the world is old and the Powers grow weary, ...
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I removed "all". Also, I don't see a pressing need to replace "thus spake" with "spoke these words". Does anyone think that "thus spake" is awkward now that it is prefaced?