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Old 09-30-2004, 08:59 AM   #3
The Saucepan Man
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Pipe Steppenwarg, a brief history

Not all of the rock bands popular among the young Hobbits caused their elders consternation. Despite their fearful name and cacophonous sound, Steppenwarg, made songs which embraced traditional Shire values such as gossiping, mistrust of outsiders and frequent parties involving prodigious quantities of food and drink.

Their seminal song was Born in the Shire, an anthemic call for young Hobbits to ignore any old Wizards who might come to their door with tales of Dragons, Elves and hoards of gold. Its lyrics bear repeating here:

Get my muffin buttered
Feet up by the fireplace
Hiding from adventure
In a most un-Tookish way

No Gandalf, you’re not welcome
Leave me here in my comfy hole
Don’t want no Dragon’s treasure
Not meeting no Trolls

I like beer and mushrooms
Heavy belly thunder
Blowing smoky rings
In the Hill that I’m under

No Gandalf, you’re not welcome
Leave me here in my comfy hole
Don’t want no Dragon’s treasure
Not meeting no Trolls

Like a true Hobbit child
I was born – born in the Shire
The only Dragon round here
Is Green and serves beer

Born in the Shire!
Born in the Shire!


But while that is the song for which they are most remembered, they also had a string of minor hits, including
  • Don’t Listen at the Eaves, Sam
  • (Mushroom) Pusher
  • Cookie, Cookie
  • Straight Smokin’ Hobbit, and
  • Hey Lalia Mama
While deemed thoroughly acceptable by much of Hobbit society, Steppenwarg caused outrage amongst Wizards, Dwarves and Elves looking for suitable fall-guys for their adventures since, during the band’s heyday, not one young Hobbit could be found who was willing to undertake such tasks as burgling Dragons’ treasure or destroying Magic Rings.

Mysteriously, Steppenwarg disappeared shortly after they were visited backstage at one of their concerts by an old bearded fellow dressed in grey with a wide-brimmed hat. Some say they went onto greater things and secured a recording contract in Rivendell (thus selling out on their ideals), but others tell that their songs may still be heard in the croaking of the frogs in the reeds by the Water.
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