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Denethor is no stereotypical usurper, or caricature of a villain. He has the looks and gait to be a Steward, or even a King. But, artistic and cinematic depictions often portray him as evil-looking, scowling, hunched over and suspicious, which is an image that would probably be more apt for Grima Wormtongue.
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It is the same principle that allows artists to put wings on their balrogs.
As for the rest, you’ve made very astute points all round. You can, of course, expect to hear (and indeed you already have) from those who believe Arvedui should have been accepted, or as I put it, “like to rain on Eärnil’s parade.”
As far as the personality of Denethor goes, I can hardly do better than to applaud Tuor for providing that apt quotation.
Looks can be deceiving, and the Númenórians themselves became tyrants in their own right long before Sauron started meddling with them.
It wasn’t so much Faramir’s potential servitude that bothered Denethor. Denethor wanted Faramir to be a compliant pawn to himself rather than anybody else. Poor Faramir was just going to be second fiddle no matter what he did. (The old fashioned respect for the young had gone completely out of style.
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though in the end he did not succumb to that strain, like Denethor did
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And there we have the key to the matter. Aragorn was the stronger of the two. Denethor only had an air similar to Aragorn. Aragorn was the genuine article. Same thing with Gandalf, Denethor had the look but Gandalf really was.