But we'll try anyway.
lothlorien: Thank you! I believe we were sort of saving the Denethor scenes for Meela, but multiple versions of scenes are ok!
And Nilpsy-Wilpsy -
Diss on System and make long waits!
Run with knives and wargs and orcs!
That's what Nilpy Feggy hates--
Hack the BD's and poke with forks
Cut the crap and get to the chat
Give him rep based on postings poor,
Rate his bones using rate F flat!
Post the whine on every door!
Dump his posts in a trashy bin;
Grind them up with a rotten pumpkin;
And when you've finished, if he's still talking,
Send him on his way now walking!
That's what Nilpy Feggy hates!
So carefully, carefully he's irate!
Okaaay...that made little if any sense.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
*Scene: Nearabouts the Shire, the Second Age. Two hobbit-like creatures are sitting in a little boat, peacefully fishing*
Creature #1: Rub-a-dub-dub, two men in a tub...
Creature #2: Cold be hand and heart and bone...
#1: Really, Sméagol, must you be so depressing all the time? It's your birthday even!
Smeegs: Yes, and we haven't caught one stinking fish, Déagol!
Deegs: Well
you picked the spot.
*Deegs suddenly gets a bite!*
Deegs: Quick, Sméagol! Get the net! I've got one....WHOAAAA!
*Déagol is suddenly yanked out of the boat! He is pulled along on the surface of the water, huge plumes of water are churned up by his feet! before he is dragged underwater. Déagol, finally remembering to let go of the rod, sees something shiny underwater. Thinking it was a lure he lost in a snag some summers back, he grabs it and goes to the surface*
Deegs: Woo, what a ride! Now for my precious lure...
*But it is not his lure! It is another's. (haha, a pun!) Instead, it is a ring. A very shiny ring. A very shiny...
round ring...*
Deegs: Where's the grief? (haha, another pun!)
Smeegs(panting and running up): Déagol! That was AWESOME! The fish must've been a league long! What lure were you using?
*He sees the ring in Deeg's hand, and fate starts its fateful wheels a'turning*
Smeegs: But how did you catch the fish, it doesn't even have a hook?
Deegs: It's not a lure, stupid, it's a ring.
Smeegs: Ha ha, very funny. Of course it's a lure, it must be a
magic lure. Why else would you be hiding it behind your back?
Deegs: I don't know what you are talking about.
Smeegs: Give me the lure, my love, it is my birthday!
Deegs: I already gave you that can of nice, juicy worms! Besides, it's mine, I found it. Finders keepers losers weepers!
Smeegs: But I...wants it.
Deegs: Yeah, well your mother was a hampster and...gurkkll! Glaaablalarrghhh! *dies*
Smeegs: My...Precious...where do you attatch the hook?
*And Sméagol disappeared!*
Smeegs v.o.: They cursed us, called us "Murderer". "It's the will of the Bambino" they said. They took away our red sox and drove us away.
It is a shadow of its former self, a gnawed and hungry being that is thrown out of his home. Forever tying a string to the ring (a pun! Ha ha!) and throwing it into rivers, he caught no fish with it. Finally, he searched so high and low for worms he found himself in a cave.
Gollum: Gollum! Gollum! Gollum! (Gollum? Gollum!) GOLLUM! GOL-No! Let go of me! Ahhhh*is carted off to meet Mr. Straite Jaquet*
Smeegs v.o.: And we forgot the sound of the crack of the bat. We forgot the taste of baseball park hot dogs. We even forgot our own name. My...
Red Sox.
*A closeup! Sméagol at a sushi bar! The fish is slimy, and putrid. His plaquated teeth grind the juicy pink flesh, and the roe trickles out the side of his mouth! Oh, look, he's gumming the liver now! He's gnawing on the spine and...
no! Don't take me away nooo ahhhh!!!
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Hokey-dokey, next scene is Fro, Sam and Gollum waking up and moving on.