Most Likely to Be Incestuous: Turin
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Most Mysterious: Glorfindel. *watches movie fans say "wha??"
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I'm thinking Mr. Tom Bombadil would beat Glorfindel in being mysterious...
Class Clowns: Merry and Pippin
Best at Arts and Crafts: Feanor
Hot-Dog-Eating-Contest-Winner: Sam .. although perhaps that one's better suited to the "Who Would Win?" thread..
The Most Straight-Edge: Legolas -- because he says no to drugs